[attr="class","illie i]as if fate is moving her like a puppet on strings, illeana finds herself nearing mt. pyre. the peak of the mountain looms overhead but she's not focused on the peak. no, she's shifting her gaze between gravestones, searching for something she won't see. her thigh aches slightly beneath the pressure of putting too much weight onto it. and yet, she doesn't even bother to grimace. it's a normal experience by now, one she's slowly growing accustomed to.

what she isn't becoming familiar with, however, is how quickly her charizard shifts from loving winged lizard into a snarling menace at the slightest disruption. odd, he hadn't acted this bad when she brought him along to ever grande... oh. it's an alert, she realizes after a moment. footsteps are close enough now for her to faintly hear.

her body rotates toward the source, half prepared to come face to face with conflict. except, it isn't conflict she finds. instead, it's a familiar face and another charizard. her own ceases snarling the moment the other comes into sight. and then, a flame tipped tail wags as if stilio is nothing more than a massive dog. cute!

"hey!" illeana calls with a hand rising to wave. part of her is relieved to see her former partner alive and well, the memory of what happened after descending down to roots in the basement of a contest hall escaping her. and the other part? the other side of her finds this almost familiar, almost funny. each time they seem to meet, she's normally injured. is it a pattern or coincidence? "long time no see!" not necessarily that long but long enough for her to have been mildly worried considering the positions they had been in. "how're you doing, kaida?"

[attr="class","team2"]

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[attr="class","notes"]notes: Rocky Steps mission!

[attr="class","illie i]she isn't in the least bit surprised when stilio lumbers forward, a rumbled coo tumbling out from his throat. he might be all teeth and claws but each of her dragons are nothing more than toddlers or large puppies. the smile she wears is fond, even as he slowly approaches her partner before she can shift closer.

"i'm glad," she admits and every bit of it is genuine. her smile grows as they approach in a single mass, the content rumble rising from them effective in soothing her worries. realistically, she had been concerned for everyone involved... especially considering the casualties but her mind had drifted toward kaida's well-being more than the rest. after all, they were familiar with each other. partners once upon a time, although she's not certain if they're exactly friends. regardless, she's fond of the woman. perhaps that's why she steps closer, eyes wandering to fully inspect her body. no visible signs of injury that she can tell but looks can be deceiving. "i did, although i don't remember how."

it's still half a blur, half in existence and half in another realm. she remembers bits and pieces of the end, of poison induced haze but most of it comes back in nightmares. she hasn't slept soundly through the night since.

her body stiffens slightly at the statement only to relax a moment later. it's not as though she should hide what happened. in fact, she doubts she could even if she tried. "i was, yes," she tries to smile but it doesn't quite deliver the same intent that she hopes. it's a little wobbly despite her best efforts to ward off any worry. "i'm okay now. no more poison and my wounds are healing nicely. more importantly, you were injured as well!" the traps that ensnared her had claimed kaida as a victim as well, slicing the both of them in their frantic endeavor to reach the stairs before the floor fell beneath them. she remembers that part clear as day. a concerned look crosses her face and she's leaning a little closer, brows creasing with worry. "are you and your team alright? those traps weren't exactly friendly."

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[attr="class","notes"]notes: Rocky Steps mission!

[attr="class","illie i]stilio doesn't even bother to look to his trainer for approval. instead, he simply returns the chitter and bounces on the balls of large feet. he knows she'll say yes anyway so no harm done. besides, she's distracted. it's good for him, in a way... more time for him to play! ooooh, maybe they can even race. gotta show everyone how fast he is, right?

meanwhile, as the charizards begin to dissolve into play time, illeana hums understanding. "still, i'm sorry you were hurt in that fiasco." she still doesn't fully know what happened after she passed out but ignorance is bliss and she's none the wiser when kaida keeps her in the dark. her attention is drawn in by the discoloration of hema, by the way her skin is now noticeably different. it hadn't been like that in the contest hall, that much she knows. an eyebrow raises and she's peering at the seviper with unashamed curiosity. "really? after? that's odd... perhaps the tree had some unknown effect on her genes." she's not certain if her line of thinking is entirely accurate but in a sense, crazier things have happened. the scientist offers a gentle smile to the snake, dipping her head in greeting.

she tries to ignore the sudden stop of kaida's words as if the sentence is cut off for a reason she doesn't want to know. instead, she shifts her attention away from the off-colored seviper and back to kaida.

does she disclose exactly what she was doing there? is she even allowed to? hesitation clings to her like the smell of smoke and she's shifting her weight between her feet almost nervously. "i wanted to investigate why the tree appeared out of nowhere, although i went about it in the wrong way," she murmurs after a moment of silence. it's honest and truthful but how much does she offer? "i, um, managed to make it to the roots and collect a sample before the building collapsed." she flushes slightly and adds, softer than the rest, "besides a sample, though, i didn't get much out of it. i thought as a head scientist i'd be able to make a difference or find something but i was mistaken." it stings a little less each time she admits her shortcomings.

[attr="class","team2"]

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[attr="class","notes"]notes: Rocky Steps mission!

[attr="class","illie i]he is all too eager to dart behind her, a matching streak of orange across the bleak terrain. they could have a race or a fire breathing contest or measure their wing span. so many options, so little time! his tail wags as he catches up, a soft rumble of anticipation escaping when wings brush against wings. oooh, a race might be the first thing he tries... if only to prove he's as fast as he thinks he is. and by his opinion on the matter, he's fast as fuck boi.

illeana giggles, a hand outstretching to meet the search for affection. a coo follows, soft and appreciative. her eyes drift toward kaida for a moment, that fond expression never leaving her face. "i like her too," she murmurs and while she doesn't know much about the seviper, something inclines her to return the sentiment. perhaps an understanding or a general concept of the good that lies within. "speaking of, i never did get to thank you for helping me out back there. both of you, actually. i appreciated your kindness." she thinks back to scrambling across ice like a baby deerling, unable to fully stabilize herself. both kaida and this very seviper had lent her a hand, even if it ended with all of them on the receiving end of spikes.

she's caught off guard when kaida begins to pace, dark eyes following the movement with curiosity. is it excitement or a need to just move? somehow, she understands it regardless of the meaning. too many nights spent wearing singular paths into the floor of her lab when things just aren't going right and her body needs a way to ease out the frustration. "i suppose," she murmurs, a hand rising to idly twirl at ends of hair. "but more probably could have been done. at least to prevent the outcome, right? i -- i wasn't awake at the end, either. after we found that hatch, the rest is like a haze or something." she pauses to hum, to consider the possibilities. "it could be possible but that's if the tree sprouting in the first place was nothing more than a natural occurrence." could a tree that large, that reactive, be natural? and that's not even considering the odd color of the sap, the way it seemed to glow against the darkness of smog. her train of thought comes to an abrupt halt at the concepts kaida brings to the table. her hand stills in her hair. "i believe it had already begun the process before i managed to collect what i had gone there for," but could she have made a difference if it wasn't? if she had changed a circumstance, had made a different decision in the heat of the moment... would the tree still be standing? no, she decides, it probably wouldn't. "you were reacting to a dangerous situation, just as the rest of us were. whatever it was that happened at the roots more than likely happened before the sludge wave." she's not certain, however. and maybe it's nothing more than a lie to instill some sort of comfort into her former partner but she's adamant in the notion that kaida did the best that she could. mistakes were made, sure, but nothing can be changed now.

she's acutely aware of the way her face falls at the mention of death. loss still clings to her body, still leaves her with a sorrow that won't ease. her hands ball into fists at her sides and she's glancing away toward headstones, toward graves. "i didn't," she insists. there's meanings behind the reaction, the way her words bite a little more than she intends. a sigh follows and she's turning back to kaida with an attempt at a neutral expression. it doesn't work, however, and there's bits of grief laced between features. "i didn't prevent anyone from dying. i -- i ran away." and it hurts more than admitting she had been wrong in that entire situation but she tries to push past these facts if only to address the next topic. "i remember he seemed preoccupied with security," she offers, although kaida brings up a good point. together, they were stronger than they would have been alone. easy prey by themselves but less likely to perish together. hm... "but i agree. strength comes in numbers, especially when those around you are capable and strong." if fernando had advanced with them, had joined them, would the outcome still be the same? perhaps.

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[attr="class","notes"]notes: Rocky Steps mission!

[attr="class","illie i]illeana glances toward the charizards just in time to watch kaida's depart. and then, stilio is quick to follow. perhaps it's grandeur that prompts him to sweep his wings out a little too wide, shove them a little too aggressively downward before hurling his body up and into the air. she smiles softly at the thought that he's so overjoyed with having a fellow flying friend that he's trying to impress the group with their abilities. even with his size, he's still her big baby. her eyes travel back to kaida as stilio darts off to catch up to muspel.

"yes, that's true," she murmurs and while it's natural to want to help, the consequences of their actions always seem to catch up. she quiets for a moment as if thumbing through the experience to pinpoint exactly where their good intentions had gone astray. their hearts were in the right place but is that enough? can the good in a heart fight off fatality? hema provides a small distraction from her thoughts, enough for her to smile a little wider and run her nails across scales. a good scratch for a good snake. "how?" an eyebrow raises. "from where i'm standing, you're kinder than most." kaida might be a little rough around the edges but that doesn't change the intentions she has, the good in her soul. a soft sigh escapes the scientist and she's glancing away toward the mountain's peak. "your kindness isn't measured by others', you know. just because someone else might display it more doesn't make yours any less important." and if there's one thing she knows, it's that comparing yourself to others will always be a fool's game.

a soft laugh echoes in the air around them. kaida has somewhat of a point. while the guards were merely doing their job, she has to wonder why they weren't positioned further down. if the tree was valuable enough to attract that much attention, shouldn't it have been protected better? and then there's the concept of intentions held within the bodies of those involved. how many were good and how many were bad? "they were doing their jobs to the best of their ability," she comments after the laughter dies down. they can't fault them on that, no matter how much they may want to. "besides, we made it a little difficult for them with how quick we all reacted, right?" maybe if they had taken a page from fernando's book and worked with them, a difference could have been made. another thought collected into a file and tucked away to be poured over later when it's just her and the shadows of her room. "i don't believe you were wrong, though. it's not like you can exactly control where sludge wave goes once it's been launched." or can you? is her inexperience showing?

somehow, the nod is comforting enough for her to leave the unspoken bits of information locked away. there's no pressure to disclose, to unearth her feelings. instead, there's just easy understanding and it's a little relieving if she's being honest. sometimes it's too difficult to open up, to spill her guts out for those around her to pick apart. the topic shifts into the councilman's involvement and she's a little torn on the subject. their conversation is still fresh in her mind, still lingering in the spaces between thoughts and ideas. she doesn't voice whatever opinions she has, if only because she isn't quite sure they're her own. instead, she'll offer a brief nod and a look of contemplation. "i -- i can't speak on his behalf without knowing his intentions but i don't remember seeing him after the first floor," she murmurs. had he even known what was happening beneath the guards and the distractions they provided? or did he simply pay it no mind? "he might not have known the full extent of the situation." and while it sounds like a defense for the councilman, her expression settles into a more neutral stance.

"you're right, it should have been easier to protect the tree," and maybe that's the worst part of this. it should have been simple, easy, done. instead, they were dealt loss after loss, casualty after casualty. she knows mistakes were made, including her own, but that doesn't make the outcome any easier to accept. "but would working in groups have helped? strength in numbers might have tipped the scales but would it have been enough to prevent what happened?" her tone is a little softer as if she's half talking to herself, half talking to kaida. asking questions always seems to help her get a firmer grasp on a situation, on all the factors that make up each part of the equation. and yet, no matter how many questions she seems to ask, answers always elude her. "i want to believe that working as a single unit would have saved the tree but so many mistakes were made that i can't be sure."

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[attr="class","notes"]notes: Rocky Steps mission!

[attr="class","illie i]flames join flames and wings beat in time with each other. two orange blurs in sync yet not quite. a tiny bit off, a tiny difference in speed lends itself to one and not the other. and perhaps that should be the end of the race but it isn't. stilio lingers by muspel's side instead of snagging a lead, as if flying together is better than victory. huh, it's kind of cute.

illeana flushes beneath the weight of her assumptions. sometimes, they're accurate and other times... terribly misled. had it been wrong to believe kaida was merely comparing herself to those around her? is it because of her own insecurities, her own doubts, that led her to believe everyone does the same? yes, yes it is. and yet, kaida's explanation provides more insight, more facts and variables to come to a possible hypothesis. it's almost as if her former partner doesn't believe she can be kind, doesn't even recognize it as a trait she possesses. hm... curious. back in that cave, during their first encounter with one another, a similar sentiment had risen from kaida. is it one and the same or different? her head tilts at the thought, smile faltering slightly. "do you not believe you are kind?" it's both cautious and curious, hesitant and forward. and despite this, she fidgets where she stands, taking the avoidance of eye contact for what it is: uncomfortable. "i'm sorry," she murmurs. her gaze drifts away from kaida to hema, a hum escaping a moment later. "it's both a gift and a curse to want to see the good in people. even when they hurt you." and maybe it's spoken from experience or the understanding that it's not realistic to want such a thing but there's a sadness laced between syllables and words. as if her skin begins to crawl, she runs nails across her arms, the scars beneath unaffected by the sensation.

while she doesn't understand much about battling, about the way specific moves work, kaida gives her information to feed the lack of knowledge. and it brings about inklings, clues, variables that can fit into an equation. when sight is lost on an attack, it can run rampant. hm, much like how the mice will play while the cat is away, right? or is that not the right kind of analogy? no matter. she understands the gist enough even without dressing it up with pretty words. "i see," she murmurs. "different factors and the changing of variables always produce a different outcome than intended." sometimes, life is no different than an experiment. constant variables always changing, always shifting outcomes until hypotheses are proved wrong. and perhaps that's what happened down there in the basement of that contest hall. too many variables that were ever changing, ever moving and reacting and thinking. of course the outcome they believed could have been altered, the course forced to become a different path. this train of thinking... it aligns with what fernando had fed her in that hospital room and she's finding more understanding, more acceptance the further it develops.

"there's no way to know for sure, unfortunately," she supplies and in a way, it's correct. there's no way to know someone's true intentions. not without getting inside their head, picking apart the processes of their brain and lying them out on a metallic table like the spinal cortex and bundles of nerves. and that, in itself, is only possible when one ceases breathing. a pity, sometimes... it'd be nice to know intentions, to guard oneself from those with less than favorable motives.

a sigh escapes her. it sounds almost like defeat but not quite. more like understanding, perhaps. there's no use changing the past, no use running each and every scenario over and over again until things might become clearer. no, there's only moving forward and never making that same mistake again. "yeah, that sounds like a good idea," she drops her voice lower, as if it's a bit more difficult to get out the next part. "i'll always want to help when there's danger but... i -- i need to become stronger before i can do anything." part of her wants to laugh and the other wants to snap her mouth shut and stop prying her ribcage open for kaida to see what lies inside. and yet, she continues despite the way baring herself for another to see makes her skin burn. "i can't become a liability for you, for the league, for the people i care about. not again." the seeds that have been sowed slowly begin to sprout.

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[attr="class","notes"]notes: Rocky Steps mission!

[attr="class","illie i]cute and wholesome, almost as if they're a couple holding hands. two charizards flying together in a series of patterns, of dips and turns until clouds are parted and streaks of flames echo in their wake. it's adorable, she decides with a spare glance. adorable and probably definitely not training but there's no need to stop them. stilio's excited, blissful even, to have another charizard in his orbit. it'd be a shame to separate them now.

she hadn't meant to catch kaida off guard but it seems questions can sometimes pack a punch unseen by the human eye. and while she understands to an extent, it still escapes her realm of expertise. kindness drips from her pores, from every thought and action and heartbeat. and yet, that isn't the case for kaida. it's difficult for her to be kind, to show the same sort of regard for others. has the world hardened her? or is it simply nothing more than the way her personality was molded by whatever god crafted her with hands drenched in ichor? she offers a hum anyway, head slightly tilting to one side. "is that by choice or experience?" more so, does she want to be kind or does she view it as a weakness? a flush follows the moment the question leaves her lips and she's scrambling to cover the prying. "i'm sorry, you don't have to answer that!" an awkward laugh tries to escape but it falls flat and she's still floundering despite the woman being familiar to her. there's still a barrier between them that she can't seem to fully cross. and yet, she lets out a wistful sigh anyway, gaze retreating to linger on the graves once more as if recalling a memory that she can't quite keep. "yes but sometimes, they end up protecting you more than you'd think. it's like instinct for them and it really makes you wonder if we're so different from them after all." human, pokemon, it's all the same in the end.

stronger has a nice ring to it but is it for her? is it really for a girl with a soft heart? she isn't sure and that's what keeps her from truly seeking what she wants to take. there's fine lines between certain things and how many of those is she willing to cross? at what point is too much? at what point does she become something else, something worse?

a laugh escapes and she's smiling despite the way it doesn't fully reach the tops of her eyes. it's a halfway point between existence and death, falling not quite flat enough to leave her lips but not enough to stay. and maybe it's a ghost or maybe it's just half of an expression she doesn't have in her right now. "that would be nice, wouldn't it?" if only humans were capable of evolution in the way pokemon are. unfortunately, it's not written into their dna and so they make do, using intelligence and tools to gain the advantages they were never given at birth. and even with those very tools laid out in front of them, it still isn't enough. sometimes they still fall just short of the divinity they seek and what happens then? something tells her she's going to find out, one way or another. the path toward strength is etched out of the ground with blood and bones, just as it always has been. she's just been a little too naive to see the difference, to see the cost. perhaps she never will. "i do," she murmurs. "but i'm not sure if i'll do very well." is she capable? or are they simply lying to her? she can't be sure anymore, not after the failures that plague her. "i imagine training is very difficult. it's, um, all very new to me, you know? after everything that happened, it feels like i need to do this in order to never make those mistakes again but can i handle it?" another sigh and she's turning her eyes back toward kaida with a look of mild understanding. they're in the same boat, sort of. and hopefully, both can succeed... is it ever that simple, though? "i feel the same way," she murmurs. and there's a shift in the way her eyes appear in the sunlight. a darker tone to them, an almost blackness swirling in depths of charcoal that she doesn't see, doesn't even notice. "being weak is no longer an option. not after this, not after the lives hurt." and she'll repeat it over and over until the mantra sticks, until weakness is no longer a curse she's plagued with.