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"Well, I..." He paused then, sighing and shaking his head. It wasn't worth objecting to because he knew the other spoke the truth. Neither of them should have been in littleroot. The question had never been asked and he had never truly affirmed the other's apparent suspicions. Levy hadn't though he'd been obvious in his disguise, but it was probably Juno's recognition of him.
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Admittedly, he was too afraid to see if the eevee hated him after everything. That sounded like too much heartbreak in one day. He'd done this to himself, of course, so there was no point in feeling sorry for himself. Either way, he felt like a coward when he spoke again. There was a whole lot of maybe but no real idea what he should've done right then, but he knew it was a mistake regardless. He could sense the pain there. "No, but it doesn't matter what I want."
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He choked on the knot in his throat as Wren spun around, the pain evident there as the movement hurt his foot. Levy didn't realize that he was wringing the hem of his shirt between his hands, tightening under the tension until his knuckles turned white as bone.
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Wren didn't shout, not often, if at all. Levy couldn't remember a time he'd provoked that kind of emotion. So, when the other yelled, he couldn't do anything but listen. It cut straight through him too like a serrated blade. He felt something sharp and acidic in his throat, the overwhelming feeling of being somehow smaller than the other, even though that wasn't possible.
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He flinched a little under the curse word and the added volume of pain in there. For a moment, he stood there, not really thinking about it. There was no option anymore, but maybe it was better than Wren telling him to leave. If Wren had told him that leaving might be best, he wasn't sure what he'd do after that point except fall apart.
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With a fumbling, curt nod — he walked to the other's childhood room and found the beanbag. It was a lot smaller than he remembered it being, but he sat nonetheless in silence.

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Wren’s tone could cut through anything and Levy felt it bone deep. It cut through the dramatics and made him fall silent. What was he doing? He didn’t know anymore, only that he was putting distance between them. [break][break] The art of creating emotional distance, he was a master of that. Wren had never let that happen, but Levy could feel that maybe… he was at the end of the rope. Eventually, everyone gets there, right? At some point even Wren had to get tired of it all. Now, he’d gone and put himself out there and what did Levy do? Nothing.
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A bitter spike of anger formed at that. Of course Wren had tried to help someone who didn’t deserve to be helped.
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“You shouldn’t have been there,” He didn’t really think when he said it, pausing in that moment before picking Salandit up. It wasn’t exactly his right to tell Wren where he should’ve been, but it didn’t make sense to him. Wren was a ranger and he only just started. The hell was he doing at Littleroot? Once again, he was reminded that maybe it didn’t matter whose side it was anymore. At least Rocket was honest about being rotten.
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This house brought back a lot of memories. Levy wasn’t expecting the hurt that followed. The memories of a nervous kid without a family or any friends, welcomed into a house by strangers.
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Maybe, in hindsight, that had been a bad idea. Levy was tired of feeling sorry for himself, but he still couldn’t get the nagging feeling out of his head that this wouldn’t have happened if he wasn’t here. Mhm? That little hum hung in the air and he could feel himself deflate with the simplicity of it. “Maybe I should go… I’m alright. I’m fine.” His voice sounded too small, despite himself. "I just... I don't wanna hurt you anymore."

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Heartbroken.
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Levy could see it on Wren's face, in his eyes, in the tense edges of the smile he forced to the surface. He hated when Wren did that. When he hid all of his pain behind a smile like nothing was wrong. Joked around like he was okay. It was all Levy's fault too. Guilt and regret coiled up around him, constricting until he too found it hard to breathe right.
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He felt like a child again, out of breath as Wren wiped the tears from his eyes. "Yes, there is." He snapped back, a little fiercer than he meant, but he couldn't help himself. He couldn't help the way revulsion seemed to shudder through him. "There's something wrong with me." His voice sounded ragged, head heavy as he looked down at the ground. He'd been so consumed that he hadn't even realized that Wren was in a cast. "Wren… your leg.”
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Exhaustion didn’t help, of course, he hadn’t slept more than a few spare hours since the events in Littleroot. Not that that was unusual for him, he almost never slept right. Still, he followed the guidance of the other’s hand. “Minnie,” The eevee had come out somewhat reluctantly as he returned her to her pokeball to relax after the fright. This wasn’t right. Once again, Wren was picking him up and swallowing his feelings in order to support him. That’s how it’s always been though.
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Salandit tumbled free of Wren’s bag, looking momentarily confused (as he was prone to) before looking up at Levy with puppy-dog admiration. “Sal,” A part of him felt lighter with that relief as he dropped to pick the lizard up. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to leave you.” Another failure on his part, he should have gone back for him. “How’d you find him?”
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Awkwardly, he followed Wren back to the other’s childhood home. The feeling of deja vu was so strong that it was nearly disorientating, as the door opened and they walked inside. “Is… she here?” Admittedly, he hoped she wasn’t. He didn’t want to have to explain to her… well, he didn’t know.
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"Wren...?" He paused at that, not really sure what to say at this point. How could he possibly fix this?

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Levy was certain that Wren was only saying that to make him feel better. It was hard to imagine Wren in a bad place, though he knew he could feel low. Maybe it was selfish of him to believe that he was the only one struggling. Wren had his own share of problems too — even if they were different from his own. He was sensitive and sweet and wore his heart of his sleeve, and Levy hated seeing him get hurt for it. Yet it felt like he was the one, in the end, that was always hurting him.
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"Yeah... I guess. But..." He felt stupid, babbling on. Hopelessly emotional in a way he almost never was. It was like his brain no longer functioned under it. Maybe it was simply the fact he'd so rarely become emotional, that when it happened he felt hopelessly incapable of handling the weight of it all. It reminded him of when they were younger and still in school. Wren had been there then to help him function emotionally, just as he was then.
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The truth of the matter was he was lonely without Wren around. The very thought of Wren making a life for himself a world away made him irrationally jealous. Wren made friends so easily and there were so many more people out there that Levy imagined were better than him. People that Wren could... he didn't know, get feelings for? It wasn't fair, of course, considering he'd put Wren's feeling aside out of fear at one point. He'd always assumed that Wren's feelings had diluted over time.
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He figured that Wren didn't want him anymore like that. And yet...
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He couldn't quite think straight already and when he felt lips press against his own, he shut down a little. It wouldn't be the first time that Levy felt himself shut down without intent. Sometimes, it felt like his body and his mind were on two separate paths. The will and wants of one did not align with the other. In the end, one always won out and he had very little say in the matter.
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At one time, this had protected him. It kept him safe from a world that was far more cruel and unforgiving than the one he existed in now. It didn't matter though, he never seemed to be able to grow out of the torment of his own youth. It was strangling him. Let go, yet it clung to that fear all the same. He wanted this, didn't he? Yes. He wanted Wren, right? Yes.
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Levy felt his own frustration at a visceral level, pure frustration and loathing. "Why am I like this? Wren, I..." He shook his head, "I want to, I do. I'm just... I don't know why I'm like this." Levy didn't cry, but he did right then. He hated it, but he just needed to calm down, it helped when he just paused and breathed. He just needed a second, that was all.



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Levy didn't know what to do anymore and that was a frightening realization. This was his own choice so he couldn't play it off like this had never been a possibility. Levy knew better than anyone that life was rarely a controllable factor. Yet he'd been stupid to play with that, knowing that he could very well lose the only person that mattered to him. He was lucky though, that Wren was there.
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Even sobbing and clinging to him, Wren was there with him. Parts of his composure was cracking, peeling away to reveal rawness beneath. "I'm sorry." He repeated, still clinging. The other's broken sob made a part of him break a little bit.
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Wren beckoned for him and hands slipped around his face. He'd never been able to resist Wren, really. Even when every ounce of his will told him not to look at him, not to show off the pain and hurt and fear that lived under his skin. It couldn't be helped though and before he could think to be stubborn or wrest away from those hand, he was looking up at him.
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Emotion had never come easily to him and this time, it felt so ugly. It felt like a burden of emotion. It wasn't right. Wren didn't deserve to have to put up with this, did he? No, Levy was supposed to be the composed one. Even then, it showed all the same and he felt only shame."I told you I'd be alright... I said I'd be okay even with you gone. But I'm not, I'm not okay. I lied, I'm sorry. I'm pathetic."


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His head was killing him, movement blurred as he came back to — okay, where the hell were they? He looked to the man who had saved him first, "Thanks." He muttered, though it didn't take much to figure that Zev Harcourt didn't really give a shit, which was fine by him. Even then, he felt like he owed the guy to some extent. He'd leave that to future Levy to ponder over, after what was likely much self-loathing having blacked out in the middle of a mission. Pathetic.
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The bigger question was how the hell he ended up here and how long had he been out (not long). It felt like it must have been a long time, but the primal piece in the other man's hand gave a bit more narrative to the missing piece of the story.
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Either way his attention was stolen by the movement of the pokemon around them, but even more so by that melody. It pulled at him, like siren song. It twisted at something lonely and aching and despondent in him that made it hard to breathe for a moment. It was nearly enough to make him forget that they were in the middle of something and being steadily surrounded by mechanical beasts.
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Yet just as quickly as they had appeared there, they were gone and he was left wondering what that feeling had been and how it was cause. Even more so, the question of what the hell would come after this. Likely nothing good.
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- gets dragged around by Zev Harcourt [break]
- gets very feelsy due to the music [break]
- faced with volcanion before being teleported back to littleroot.[break]



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@ LITTLEROOT TOWN

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“Levy!” Every muscle in his body tensed as he shot up from where he was sitting. Minnie launched herself away with a frightened yip. It was stupid of him to linger there, in the place they used to play. Maybe a part of him wanted to be found. He wasn’t sure, but his heart twisted in his chest with a violent tug.
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There was no running away now, was there? Not without breaking what little was left between them. He swung around to face the other with a nearly drunken motion. “Wren… I…” His voice felt hollow and empty. Wren’s body collided with his own and it was sheer willpower and anticipation that kept him from tumbling back into the water.
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His body trembled with the painful aftershock of having his shoulder pushed on, but it didn’t matter. Pain was tolerable, it was warranted. Somehow, he felt smaller than ever before, far too undeserving of the warmth spreading off the other’s body. Wren clung to him and, eventually, he couldn’t help but respond as his arms moved from his sides to circle around the other boy. With shaking hands, they clung to the fabric of the other’s shirt and pulled him closer. Wren was the only one that ever made this contact okay. He was the only one.
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Wren blubbered, breath heavy on a barely-contained sob. He hated that sound, hated the emotion that he had provoked. This was his fault.
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“I’m sorry.” His voice sounded raw. All of the sound was lost, twisted up in his throat.
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Emotion didn’t come easily to him. When it did, it was ugly and feral and clawing. It made him think of the days before Wren had come into his life. When raw emotion was all he had, when he’d been so fucking angry. But now, this? It was something else. He’d never had anything that he couldn’t live without. The threat of losing something that actually mattered. He tucked closer to the other, curling down until he could hide his face against Wren’s shoulder. “I lied to you, I’m sorry. I told you I'd be fine but — please don't hate me. I don't know what to do anymore. Please don't hate me.”
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Levy made the mistake of turning on his phone. As to be expected, Wren texted and called him. A lot. His next error in judgment had been opening the text messages. With a sharp spike of anxiety, he backed out before he could read, but the damage was done. That stupid little “read” symbol was the bane of his existence, really.
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Maybe, otherwise, he could have faded into the background. Not that he wanted Wren to think he was dead, but that definitely felt preferable in a selfish and mean sort of way. He was being cruel, and it wasn’t Wren’s fault in the least that he was the subject of that cruelty. There was just no explaining himself right now. Maybe there was nothing to explain, after all. Maybe Wren still didn’t know, but that didn’t change the fact that he’d hurt him regardless.
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He plucked the empty pokeball from his side. Salandit was still missing, and though he had forced himself to return to Littleroot, he'd been unable to find him. Everything still ached, an ugly bruise had formed on his shoulder and the cut on his leg had been deeper than he initially expected. At least the head wound had subsided by then.
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“Coward,” he muttered, hugging his legs. The pond was still and the woods was tranquil, this time of the year. It had been awhile since they’d come here together, and now he was here all alone… again. Levy used to think of it like a quiet oasis, tucked away behind the pokemon nursery. The owner of which was a kind older woman that used to give him food in exchange for work. It was where he’d gotten Salandit, come to think of it. He'd forgotten about that, somehow.
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His mind reconstructed the clockwork city hidden beneath Littleroot, the odd animatronic pokemon and the melodic sound of — well, honestly, his memory was fuzzy. It was a bit of a shame, really. He hadn’t been a lot of use, in the end, if anything he got dragged around at the end of it all.
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You should call him, a voice in his head nagged, but he shrugged it off. After a moment of thought, he plucked another pokeball up and let Minerva loose. She was still in an awkward state, which was to be expected. The three-legged vulpine hadn’t exactly warmed up to him, as Wren said she would. But she didn’t seem scared of him at least, not anymore. It didn’t make him feel any less of a failure though.
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Maybe she sensed something, he wasn’t sure, but this time she sat next to him. Still looking like she was ready to spring if he moved too fast, but it was a comfort nonetheless. "I messed up, I don't know what to do." Granted, there was nothing the eevee could do to change his circumstances. This was his fuck up and his alone, but he'd always been better off that way.
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