[attr="class","illie"]

[attr="class","illie b"]

[attr="class","illie i"]the question comes paired with mind-numbing affection, perhaps to settle her emotions or simply to lure her into a sense of security before prying. she stills for a moment, mouth parting with mild surprise. her hands shift, moving to wrap fingers around his wrists and keep them secure. keep them wrapped around her, keep him close. faintly, she wonders if he can feel her heartbeat against his chest. does it feel as fast as she thinks it is?

"i," she starts, stops, and puffs out a soft sigh. "you didn't say anything wrong." reassurance drips from her lips, from the small smile. it doesn't fully meet her eyes but she's ignoring that factor, ignoring the growing storm of overthinking plaguing her mind. and gently, she turns her head to press a soft kiss to his temple.

she's quiet for a moment. considering, processing, stringing the correct words together to explain exactly what she's feeling. the issue is she doesn't exactly know what it is.

"it's nothing," she decides on. masking things she doesn't want to talk about is one of her specialties, unfortunately. she shoves her emotions down with a firm fist, ignoring the squirming feeling in her bones. the incessant need to blurt it out like word vomit makes her tongue taste like copper and she's pressing closer to his warmth as if he'll combat the urge to spill her feelings. he won't, really. he might just make it worse.

god, feelings suck.

Remiel Calcifet

[attr="class","illie"]

[attr="class","illie b"]

[attr="class","illie i"]she realizes, at some point, that there's a fear in her she hasn't noticed before. there's no understanding of where it began or where it exactly came from. all she knows is it settles beneath her ribcage with a soft ache, sharper when he's close and duller when he's far.

and with too many nights spent lying awake, analyzing what it is and what it means, she's finally come around to placing where it fits in the puzzle. she's always known she's afraid of being alone with no one to turn to, no one to talk to. an abandonment wound in her childhood could be the cause, sure, but there's more layers to it now. layers labeled with A.S. in her swirly handwriting, smudged and stained with tears. love destroyed by death leaves wounds to fester beneath the skin and she knows it's inevitable but god, it's left her damaged beyond repair.

for a while, their agreement works. it works too well, even, but then feelings always get in the way and she's quiet in the face of what could happen. too many what-ifs flood her system, enough to short circuit her brain.

"it's okay," she murmurs, another lie settling between them. she's not ready to breathe life into it. not yet, not now. the concept that she'll ruin everything with a single admittance keeps her from speaking her mind, submissive to a new found fear she didn't expect. "i'll tell you when the time's right." it's cryptic and perhaps providing an inkling into her thoughts but it works for now, works enough for her to settle a little closer into his chest and tilt her head up at the moon.

whether he'll accept it or push, however, is left up to chance. she doesn't calculate it, doesn't even consider it because that'd result in being locked in her mind for another hour.

Remiel Calcifet

[attr="class","illie"]

[attr="class","illie b"]

[attr="class","illie i"]silence swallows them and she almost expects it to break this apart, bony fingers prying at a connection written under a night of stars and left to run rampant. it doesn't, however, and she's making a mental note. there's a comfort to the way everything goes still, as if the moving parts of daily life are finally settling and for once, she can breathe again.

it doesn't fully dawn on her in this exact moment that he's becoming an anchor for her in ways she didn't see coming. grounding her and keeping her tethered with touch alone, as if she'll slip between his fingers if he doesn't keep a hold on her. and maybe that's how she's viewed now: a fleeting moment in time that needs to be kept close before it fades forever. it's somehow easier than the other option, the one that gives her the silly little notion that someone's afraid to lose her.

neither speaks and silence continues to fall as moonlight bleeds onto their features. his hands bring her back in, one dancing across her thigh and the other drawing her face toward his. it fades into a long kiss and she's sinking into the affection with a soft noise of appreciation rumbling from the back of her throat. one of her hands rises to his face, thumb idly tracing soft circles into his jawline. and only after a soft nip at his bottom lip does she break the connection, pulling away just enough to brush noses.

Remiel Calcifet

[attr="class","illie"]

[attr="class","illie b"]

[attr="class","illie i"]somehow it doesn't feel odd for affection to take place instead of desire. maybe that should startle her and maybe it already does but right now, she doesn't particularly want to change it. his hand on her thigh squeezes firmly and the kiss melts away any lingering feelings until she's simply fuzzy all over.

and once they part, with noses rubbing together, she'll flash a soft smile.

"dancing?" she lets out a tinkering laugh. it's both amused and pleased. "pulling out all the stops for me now? how kind." briefly, her mind touches on a small but satisfying fact: a date. this had started as shopping and evolved into a date of sorts. well, maybe she's imagining that but... does remiel really take every lady dancing? actually, she doesn't want to know that answer. it gets tucked into a file marked review later and shoved into the filing cabinet.

he showers her lips with a flurry of kisses and she's beaming into his lips by the time it comes to an end. her hand reaches for his own, intertwining their fingers and squeezing softly.

"sounds like a plan to me," she murmurs. "lead the way."

Remiel Calcifet