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POSTED ON Nov 14, 2021 17:00:33 GMT

we're all rocket.

regardless of what he thinks, he keeps his thoughts to himself.

well, except for one.

"i don't think you'd be forgetting them."

he shrugs a shirt on, pausing to say:

"they simply won't fucking haunt you every night."

after getting dressed, he heads out the door and waits for mars outside, desperately needing the fresh air.
Martín del Mar
☉

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Mars | Tuesday

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POSTED ON Nov 14, 2021 17:54:23 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","rigid"]

[attr="class","rigidw"]

We’re all Rocket.
[break][break]
It would have been a mistake to say things like those, because it’s not how Mars sees things at all, but in truth, Cian’s actual words are a mistake too…
[break][break]
’What if I deserve to get haunted?’
[break][break]
The question lingers in his mind, but it’s not voiced, instead simply taking his time with getting dressed and then walking towards the door.
[break][break]
It’s a chill Autumn morning, the air outside being capable of freezing anyone’s breath, but somehow, within this apartment building in Mauville Hills, everything feels cold before even making it out.
[break][break]
So, it's one of those days, then.

[attr="class","rigidtag"]CIAN MAHER | MISSION

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POSTED ON Nov 16, 2021 3:25:42 GMT

it's important to stretch, that much he knows from his years of running, but he can't find it in him to go through the familiar movements, at least not this morning. his mind lingers on the dreams, on his own in particular, and he can't help but think back to the soiree.

fuck nightmares, honestly.

he sighs, turning to meet mars as he steps out of the apartment building.

"ready?"
Martín del Mar
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Mars | Tuesday

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POSTED ON Nov 16, 2021 4:01:03 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","rigid"]

[attr="class","rigidw"]

It feels lonely. It feels like the way mornings used to feel before Cian became a part of his life, back when he would wake up alone after all those terrible nightmares and go running all on his own.
[break][break]
It feels like having seen all those things will only push Cian away, because why would he want to stay with someone so fucked up and broken?
[break][break]
The mere thought of it hurts.
[break][break]
”Yeah.”
[break][break]
No stretching, not another word, no time to waste. Without waiting for a response, he takes off, not even bothering with a light pace.

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POSTED ON Nov 16, 2021 4:35:24 GMT

the pace mars takes off in without stretching is just calling for them to get injured. he exhales a warm breath, following after with relative ease.

no enjoyment comes from this run. at least not yet.

wait.

so why run?

slowly, as the realization starts to settle, cian slows.
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POSTED ON Nov 16, 2021 4:42:19 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","rigid"]

[attr="class","rigidw"]

Perhaps it’s about the pain. About the way his body protests the sudden change of pace. About how his very lungs begin to ache and burn with every breath. The pain distracts him. The pain makes it difficult to focus on all the thoughts haunting him.
[break][break]
Yet, those thoughts still come all the same.
[break][break]
Thoughts of the things they witnessed in his dreams, thoughts of the way those moments were when he actually experienced them, thoughts of those people he misses, and also thoughts of Cian.
[break][break]
Cian who doesn’t run by his side.
[break][break]
Looking back, he slows down too, because even in all of his own annoyance and hurt, there’s one thing that’s always more important.
[break][break]
”Hey.”
[break][break]
Reaching his side, honey-coloured eyes meet his gaze.
[break][break]
”Are you okay?”

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POSTED ON Nov 16, 2021 14:27:51 GMT

maybe this is the way things will always be.

selfish, unreasonable, cian expects everything without giving anything in return. it's why his relationships have never worked out in the past, and though he's well aware of it, as reminded to him time and time again, he still refuses to change.

his mind weighs heavy with thoughts when mars walks back over to him.

"nah, not really."

he sighs.

"i'm just too tired to run."
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POSTED ON Nov 16, 2021 14:41:24 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","rigid"]

[attr="class","rigidw"]

Of course he’s not okay, it’s a stupid question, because Mars knows all this too well to know that there’s no way Cian could be okay after having experienced all of that. Especially if it’s the first time.
[break][break]
This is all his fault.
[break][break]
If he weren’t so broken, if he weren’t so fucked up, then Cian wouldn’t have to deal with anyone of this.
[break][break]
Maybe he’s right and Mars should just allow himself to forget it all.
[break][break]
Maybe Cian would be happier without him.
[break][break]
”We can just walk.”
[break][break]
No more is said than that.

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POSTED ON Nov 21, 2021 14:44:13 GMT

"what are we, sixty?"

it's a joke — a bad one at that — in an attempt to ease away the tension between them. he chuckles, shrugging it off before turning.

"sure. a walk sounds nice."

better than running, anyways.
Martín del Mar
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Mars | Tuesday

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POSTED ON Nov 22, 2021 1:10:17 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","rigid"]

[attr="class","rigidw"]

”Damn, you’re looking pretty fucking hot for sixty. What’s your secret?”
[break][break]
He grins, playing along, because even if it’s a terrible joke, Mars understands the intent of it and agrees with it: all this tension is annoying and only makes things worse, it’s not the way things should be between them.
[break][break]
So, they walk, and soon enough, an arm calmly and gently wraps around Cian’s shoulders, Mars looking at him.
[break][break]
”But, Cian… Talk to me. I can’t help if you don’t.”
[break][break]
No matter how many times Mars has seen horrible things like those, there’s no way for him to really know how Cian feels if he’s not told.

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POSTED ON Nov 22, 2021 14:24:20 GMT

boruta maher likes this

"good food, good company, and lots of fucking."

emphasis on the latter.

despite the sudden weight on his shoulders, it feels just a bit lighter than earlier. he sighs again, struggling to find the words.

"what is there to talk about? we both just had nightmares. it's nothing new for you, but it's new for me."

bang! boruta maher's gunshot still rings loud.

"i'm just processing."
Martín del Mar
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POSTED ON Nov 22, 2021 15:49:29 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","rigid"]

[attr="class","rigidw"]

”Oh really? Sounds like my kind of arrangement.”
[break][break]
What more is there to want?
[break][break]
Mars knows exactly what, but when it comes to that sort of thing, he has everything he wants and needs right here with him.
[break][break]
It’s with that thought that there’s a slight squeeze at Cian’s shoulder, quietly listening to him.
[break][break]
’It's nothing new for you.’
[break][break]
That doesn’t make the nightmares any less fucked up, does it? Still, he knows what Cian means.
[break][break]
”Talking helps, even though I know you might not want to. You don’t have to go through all that shit alone, Cian. I know it's probably eating at you.”
[break][break]
There, in his words, is that sentiment Mars would only ever reserve for a few people. The one that is truest when it comes to Cian even if he may not realize as much: You can rely on me no matter what.

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POSTED ON Nov 23, 2021 8:50:59 GMT

"but there's nothing to talk about."

he sighs.

"it was just a dream. bo's never going to shoot me, i think, not unless i do something really fucked up."

like steal his son and recruit him into rocket, which in a way, he kinda did.

still, even if it was just a dream, it still felt all too real. he runs his hand across his chest, feeling for a gunshot wound.

"i'm not a bad person, am i?"
Martín del Mar
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Mars | Tuesday

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POSTED ON Nov 23, 2021 13:50:25 GMT

[nospaces]

[attr="class","rigid"]

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He’s not getting it. Which makes sense, really, because Cian is not used to things like these.
[break][break]
”I know he wouldn’t, but dreams aren’t always so literal, babe… It could mean that you’re afraid of something relating to your brother, like of him not trusting you…”
[break][break]
’Or him not loving you anymore.’
[break][break]
Mars chooses not to say the latter part, of course, but he does move his arm, letting go if only to reach for Cian’s hand – gently yet firmly holding onto him as they walk.
[break][break]
Once, there was a time when Mars admitted to Cian that he thought he wasn’t a good person and perhaps didn't deserve him, and at the time, his response had been that even if they may be bad people, they still deserve to be happy. Happy together, had been the implication.
[break][break]
Now, things are different, and even though Mars himself may still believe in those words, when Cian asks if he’s not a bad person, the answer comes without hesitation:
[break][break]
”No, Cian.” There’s a squeeze of his hand, fingers intertwining. ”You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met... Wanna know why?”

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