It wasn't just any Pokemon that Hideo lost that day. His Ariados, Squeeze, had been the first Pokemon he'd ever caught. He'd had her since she was just a Spinarak, when she was small enough to actually be able to cling to him without pulling him down. He trained and raised her, and she soon evolved.

He knew all her little habits, all the little things she liked and how to handle her. How she'd help guide him around by wrapping her web around his wrist, leading him around like she wore a leash. All those little noises she made, how affectionate she was with him. He knew her as well as he knew his own body, and it was like she was an extension of himself. He wanted her to be there with him when he faced off against the Elite Four, and when he became Champion.

And now she was gone. Disappeared without a trace. He didn't even know it had happened when it happened. He didn't even get to say goodbye to her.

Hideo lost a piece of himself that day. He could still feel the gaping wound, and he had no idea how to mend it. Had he come to Mt. Pyre expecting to find her ghost wandering around? For a chance to tell her how much he appreciated her? He wasn't sure.

But during his aimless walking, a voice addressed him by name. It was somewhat familiar, though not to the Lycanroc guiding the boy around, the canine moving in front of the boy.

The man introduced himself as Matias. An Elite Four member. Hideo could recall meeting him before, during that festival Melody ran.

At any other time, he would've been hyped to get to talk to an Elite Four member one on one. But right now? There was no spark. It didn't cross his mind at all.

"It's alright, Rocky," Hideo said, patting his Lycanroc's back, "I know him." The canine nodded, moving to the boy's side, though still cautiously watching.

"I remember you from Melody's festival." There wasn't much energy to his voice - he didn't feel up to his usual expressiveness. Not to mention his mood wasn't the best at the moment. "You just here for a walk?"

MATIAS SILPH

It came to no surprise that Matias was here to pay respects. Few simply wandered to a gravesite. Even Hideo himself had come here with intent, even if it wasn’t apparent to him just yet.

He couldn’t neglect the purpose any longer; once Matias naturally asked Hideo what he was doing here, the boy’s mouth opened - but there was no immediate answer. It closed with a sigh, before he decided to give some kind of answer.

“No. Nothing to bury.” Would he have felt any better if there had been? If he’d held her lifeless body in his arms? If he had to carry her all the way up here?

At least he’d have the chance to hold her one last time.

He only realized the tears were building up when his Lycanroc brushed against him, breaking him out of his regrets, if just for a moment. He brushed his sleeve across his face, wiping the tears away before they could fall. He didn’t want to cry in front of an Elite Four member, on the first time they talked one-on-one. “S-so, what about you? You have anyone buried here?”

MATIAS SILPH

Kanto. “I got a couple friends from Kanto. They lost a lot there too.” John Sullivan and Eris Halla both lost their families there, as he recalled.

The loss of one of his own Pokemon left him with a terrible heartache. His friends had lost so much more than he did; he couldn’t imagine how much it must have hurt them back then.

He cringed slightly when Matias asked him about his loss. For a moment, he wanted to decline, but his friends had been able to talk about their loss with relative ease. Perhaps talking about it a bit would help lessen the pain, or accelerate the recovery?

Worth a shot.

He took in a deep breath, the painful memory running through his head like a hot iron. “It was at a museum. We were looking for the people that broke into where the last Champion had her Pokemon, and tracked them down there. They let out some Unown, and made that Dream Mist appear.”

That damned Dream Mist. Every time he dealt with it, he came out worse for it - but the previous times hadn’t taken anything away from him.

Not until this time.

“We tried to catch them, but some giant monster appeared. My Pokemon were fighting it, but it just kept knocking them out.” He still didn’t know if it even was a Pokemon, but whatever it was was overwhelmingly powerful.

His voice got a bit shakier as he went on. “A-and the moment someone else came to help, the Unown came at me and my team. They just kept coming and coming and my Pokemon were doing everything they could.” And he couldn’t do anything but lie there and get moved around by his team.

He’d been so useless.

“Then one of their attacks hit my Ariados…and she was just gone.”

His Lycanroc brushed against him, to try and help with his shakiness. But it didn’t do much.

He didn't feel any better talking about it. If anything, it just reminded him how badly he'd screwed up.

MATIAS SILPH

It doesn't sound like it was your fault.

The words meant to comfort his heart, did nothing but pierce it. Hideo's mouth closed, hiding his gritted teeth. He didn't believe those words when they crossed his own mind, and hearing them from someone else just reminded him how wrong they were.

Matias's next words only drove it deeper in.

It took Hideo a moment to muster up an answer, his voice shaky as he struggled to keep himself together.

"It was."

It was his fault things had gone so disastrously for him and his team.

"I couldn't tell what was happening. They had to do everything on their own while I just stood there. All I did was send them out one after the other. They had to do everything to keep me safe." His few attempts to coordinate were ruined by unseen or unknown foes. Foes he might have prepared for if he’d taken his time and didn’t rush in.

His hand went to his head as he failed to keep the tears from building up in his eyes. “I didn’t even lead them out. They just dragged me out the first chance they got.” What few were still conscious.

A quick sniffle as he failed to keep himself composed. "They dragged me out, and all I could do was try to call for her." Calling out to a Pokemon that was already gone.

MATIAS SILPH

Matias wasn’t wrong.

Hideo always had a Pokemon with him as protection first, mainly against any wild Pokemon encounter but also in case any person tried to harm him. Everything else was secondary to that. It was the guiding thought behind most of his Pokemon’s actions, and his Lycanroc’s earlier caution was a testament to that.

But that wasn’t how Hideo felt about it. He didn’t lose a guardian that day.

Hideo’s face reddened slightly, more out of frustration. “She- she wasn’t some shield.” He wouldn’t dare reduce her - or any of his Pokemon - to just being a tool. “And she wouldn’t have died if I were more careful.” Even if he’d simply stood up, she could’ve just guided him away. But on the ground, all she could do was use her body to protect him. “It’s my fault…”

Matias bringing up his disability only frustrated the boy further. “Y-yeah, I’m blind. But that doesn’t matter! I gotta be able to command my Pokemon like anyone else.” That wasn’t so true: if anything, he had to be better than anyone else. How could he be Champion if he was simply average? “It doesn’t matter if I’m blind or not. I’m her trainer, and I couldn’t do anything when my team needed me the most.”

MATIAS SILPH

That much, he would be certain of. He wasn't going to rush in like that ever again. He was going to keep a tighter rein on his team, so they didn't run off ahead. "I'll…I'll try," he muttered.

But could he really move on? Only time would tell; the wound was still fresh. Perhaps it could heal, in time, but he certainly wasn't going to ever forget his first catch.

He felt his Lycanroc's face brush against his hand, and he scratched his Pokemon's fur in kind. It was enough to take his kind off his frustrations, to help dredge himself out of his current misery. He could be grateful Rocky was still around to comfort him, among many of his other Pokemon.

Still, talking about his own loss had done nothing to help him feel any better about it. Yet perhaps he could learn from someone who dealt with the same (if not more)? Matias had been able to work past his losses and become a part of the Elite Four, after all.

Brushing his tears away with his free sleeve, Hideo spoke up. "So…how did you deal with losing…you know." Your Pokemon, your home, your region.

MATIAS SILPH

The exhaustion in Matias's voice was easy to catch, as if the words didn't express it enough on their own. Matias seemed to have been involved in the fighting itself - perhaps even active military. And he knew Rocket was still active in Hoenn; Matias was probably still fighting them even to this day.

Hideo's thoughts went to John Sullivan - also a Kanto survivor, running a Gym that was also a military base. He could only hope Doug wouldn't have to go through the same action it sounded like Matias did.

“That sounds awful.” He could never imagine just being told to give up on his own home. And yet, so many others had to go through with it.

Yet the most disturbing part was the actual answer to his question: that Matias hadn’t gotten over it. Hideo’s heart sank at those words, even his shoulders lowering. His Lycanroc noticed his discomfort, the Pokemon once again brushing against Hideo’s hand - but he didn’t get a response.

“So…it never goes away? Am I always gonna feel this?” This guilt, this regret. Was he going to have to carry that weight the rest of his life? “Am I just supposed to get used to it?”

He didn’t want to get used to losing Pokemon, to losing friends.

MATIAS SILPH