Kepler’s mouth opened and closed again, completely in shock. “A-- better person?” he parroted, unbelieving. “You-- you’re already a good person. You’re a great person.”

The math was totally not adding up. How could the addition of Kepler to any situation make anything better? if anything, his presence was a subtraction. the figures didn’t fit and, like with every problem begging to be solved, he turned them over and over again in his head until they worried a raw spot in his brain.

but… some parasites do reach symbiosis with their hosts.

still.

He has this horrible feeling that he’s introducing rot into the wound, a sickness into the hive. Ash is so real and good and-- and already planning on rewriting his entire life for Kepler.

he squeezes Ash’s hand when their fingers come together. the panic makes him honest.

"i’m scared, ash. what if i-- what if i’m bad for you?”

Ashley Shepard

☉

Kepler’s brow furrowed as he continued to puzzle through the equation. Maybe it wasn’t as cut and dry as he imagined-- a bolt of energy into a system. Maybe it was, like Ash was saying, the opening of a system to a flow of energy in multiple directions.

“Yeah. Right now. Everything seems pretty good, right now.”

He could have kicked himself. Why did he try to self-sabotage everything?!

“You don’t have to be an admin for-- for me.” He let his head rest on Ash’s chest, ear to heartbeat. “I just don’t want you to be in danger.” A little laugh escaped him, because, they were in Rocket. They fistbumped danger on a regular basis. “Because of me.”

It was a lot and it was fast. One night and this boy was already planning to re-route the entire course of his life for him. It was intoxicating. Kep felt like a cup that was overly full-- or like a drink carrier with two large fountain pops that toppled precariously to both diagonals.

You’re mine now makes something shiver down his spine and he pushes himself up on his hands to loom over Ash, chest-to-chest, forehead to forehead.

“Yeah. I am. And… and you’re mine, too.”

He doesn’t know where this sudden streak of covetousness has come from bit it’s making him feel stronger, he thinks.

“I’d like to move in with you. I think it will be good to get off the sub. Too long at that pressure does fucky things to a person’s brain.”

They could start there. Sharing space. Sharing a life. And this was, Kep rationalized, competitive inhibition: it could always be reversed. Not that he’d want to reverse it, of course, but--

“I’d lock myself in solitary on that stupid submarine if it meant keeping you safe.”

Ashley Shepard

☉

Ashley lets his head fall back. Kepler takes the chance to kiss his cheek, his jaw, his neck. He rises to meet Ash halfway, mouth and lips and tongue.

His breath comes out in a rushed, needy gasp.

“With you. I want to be with you.”

He didn’t care where that actually was as long as they were together.

Ashley Shepard

☉