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dinner in bed, and korean food, say ‘i love you’ just a little bit too soon.

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TAG WITH @lou

POSTED ON Dec 14, 2022 18:02:19 GMT

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[attr="class","star2"]Lam wasn’t sure what bug had bitten him when he got up that Saturday, but it was apparently one that had a mind for cleaning. He wasn’t exactly the neatest person (though not a total slob, either,) but the apartment that he and Ikarus Rook shared didn’t exactly leave much to be desired. No matter how much he’d tried to scrub the place when he’d first moved in, alone and fresh off the boat from Alola, there always seemed to be a layer of grim left behind. Worn out from years of multiple renters, he supposed. No amount of fresh white paint that the landlord applied could solve that problem.[break][break]

Still, he apparently wanted to give it another go. Maybe it was the festivity of the season dropping over his shoulders— all the snow outside was cold and undesirable, so it meant anytime when he wasn’t working was spent indoors—mostly in bed or on the couch, under a pile of blankets because the heater only worked on certain settings and was finicky at best.[break][break]

All that time spent indoors looking at the same walls must’ve just prompted the itch to clean it all up. Maybe put out some cheap decorations from the dollar store. Stuff he could scrape together on their crummy combined paychecks. And on that note, he’d sent Rook off with an extensive list of cleaning supplies to buy, as well as something they could make for dinner (even if it was a back of $5 frozen chicken nuggets and cheese sticks.) The big ticket item was the space heater to counter the bad one that the landlord insisted was fixed and wasn’t. He’d scrimped for it, it was fine.[break][break]

And then he’d set to cleaning, playing old CDs through his janky DVD player with the volume somewhat cranked up. He had to make due on some
stuff until his boyfriend was back with actual disinfectant cleaner, but at least everything was looking tidier.[break][break]

Intent on what he was doing, Lam barely registered the knocking that came from the door.[break][break]

Figuring it was Rook with his arms full of bags wanting the door unlocked so that he didn’t have to fish for his keys, Lam yelled above the sound of the music as he continued to scrape at a mysterious charred crust on the stovetop that had been there since he’d moved in.[break][break]

“You’re good, it’s open!”
[break][break]

Leif Logan // m: spring cleaning // where u come from huh

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roux

leif, brat

he/him

Twenty-Three

Aug 11

Hau'oli City, Alola

gay

fashion designer/intern

civilian

9 height

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.

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part of

TAG WITH @leif

POSTED ON Dec 14, 2022 18:30:31 GMT

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This felt like a cruel dose of karma.
[break][break]
Years ago, he'd gotten the chance to go to Hoenn with Demarco. He'd spent all the time preparing for it by making Lam feel bad for not being able to. And yet, now here he was back in Hoenn under much different circumstances, hoping his brother would have mercy for him.
[break][break]
Lam had no reason whatsoever to be merciful, Leif knew this. He knew he could be a pain in the ass for his older brother and their memories weren't always fond. Though, there had been a time he'd looked up to his brother and thought of him as his best friend, that changed the second he'd determined he could be so much better than that. As most determinations were with him, it was fueled by a driving insecurity, but he wasn't about to admit to that.
[break][break]
Now, he was here with daunting realization that he might actually have to admit that his doofus brother had been right. Again. It was so damn frustrating he could scream, but alas... unnecessary emotional outbursts lead to early facial wrinkles. Even more so, he was here knowing he had next to no plan besides the burning hatred he held for that old bastard he had the misfortune of calling his ex. It was just a little bit of fun. If an ex is even the term he could use, considering the bastard saw it as a good time. Two years was not just a good time.
[break][break]
So, yeah... he had no plan, no money, no place to stay. And Lam was probably going to laugh in his face and send him away. Not to mention, it was snowing outside. He was not impressed. Okay, maybe at first he'd been, but within a matter of minutes he was over it and craving the beach again.
[break][break]
Still, he knocked.
[break][break]
And nothing happened. "Open up, you jackass." He grumbled, before the familiar voice filtered through the door. Clearly, Lam had no sense of stranger danger, but oh well... he wasn't a stranger.
[break][break]
Alright, well... here goes nothing. He pushed the door open, roller suitcase in tow. "Lam, darling! I'm in town."

[break][break]

lam logan // m: spring cleaning

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played by

lou

lam

he/him

twenty-six

may 7th

hau’oli city, alola

rooksexual (demi)

lilycove gym leader

gym leader

5'9 height

dinner in bed, and korean food, say ‘i love you’ just a little bit too soon.

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1,512 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @lou

POSTED ON Dec 14, 2022 20:14:29 GMT

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Lam, darling! I’m in town.[break][break]

His head snapped up and in the direction of the other person now breezing into his apartment like it was any other ordinary day. Stupidly, the first thing out of his mouth was, “You’re not my boyfriend.”[break][break]

Setting down the wet rag he’d been using Lam wiped his hands on a dish towel and wandered over to where Leif was now standing in his open entryway. “Shut the door, it’s cold.” His eyes darted down to the suitcase in tow, head tilting as he frowned. More out of confusion than distaste.[break][break]

“What are you doing here, Leif? When did you get here?”[break][break]

Suddenly, standing there at midday in the middle of his shitty, half-cleaned apartment, Lam felt self-conscious to be standing there in a ratty old band t-shirt that definitely had a hole in the armpit and gym shorts. Socks with worn heels and hair that he hadn’t bothered to brush because he hadn’t planned to go anywhere that day.[break][break]

Before, the natural light slanting into the apartment had felt fresh and clean, befitting the tidying phase he was in. Now it felt harsh and exposing. Like everything that Leif might try to and probably would pick apart about his life was laid out plain for him to see.[break][break]

It was difficult to skirt the tension that somehow built up between them in the time since they’d grown older, but of course a part of him never could quite forget the kid Leif had been before he’d decided his tastes were better and before he outgrew Lam entirely.[break][break]

It was that, at least, that caused Lam to shake his head and try to shrug off that insecurity. “I’m confused, but it’s good to see you. It’s been what? A year? Two?”
[break][break]

Leif Logan // m: spring cleaning // where u come from huh

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played by

roux

leif, brat

he/him

Twenty-Three

Aug 11

Hau'oli City, Alola

gay

fashion designer/intern

civilian

9 height

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.

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16 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @leif

POSTED ON Dec 14, 2022 20:43:10 GMT

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"You're not my boyfriend."
[break][break]
Leif laughed at that, "I thank god for that every day." Fuschia eyes rolled before he kicked the door shut behind him. It was cold, his nose was red and he hated it. Beggars can't be choosers, he was versing himself in this saying to such an extent that he notably hated it as well.
[break][break]
Lam looked.... well... "Wow, you haven't changed much." Not that he'd expected much of a difference. There was something so quaint about Lam's lack of style that felt strangely like a familiarity he hadn't realized he'd craved. The very sight of Lam wasn't supposed to make him feel all warm and fuzzy like a second home. It was supposed to fill him with dread and vexation and annoyance at his situation. It was supposed to remind him the very daunting question: why am I here?
[break][break]
Lam reworded the question and asked him anyways. Leif pouted, shrugging off his jacket, which was pelted with thick droplets from melted sleet. "What a thing to ask your dear brother after he's been traveling hours just to see you." He could lay it on thick when needed. Guilt tripping was second nature. "I wanted to visit, is that really so bad?" In hindsight, he should have come up with a better reason than that. While he did admittedly enjoy the sight of his brother, he didn't wish to admit to that and it wasn't the primary reason for being there. Lam likely wouldn't buy it either.
[break][break]
Had this been a year ago, he might have made fun of Lam's living situation simply because it wasn't his own. His own, currently, was far worse. It could be said that at least Lam had a place. Leif hadn't even planned that far ahead or seen if he could find work out here. It was a disaster so far, but that was too serious to bring up.
[break][break]
"I don't know, you left. When was that?"He paused, because it needed to be said. He had to admit to something. "SO... the hotel had made a mistake and I'm in need of a place to stay... just for a little..." Little white lie.

[break][break]

lam logan // m: spring cleaning

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played by

lou

lam

he/him

twenty-six

may 7th

hau’oli city, alola

rooksexual (demi)

lilycove gym leader

gym leader

5'9 height

dinner in bed, and korean food, say ‘i love you’ just a little bit too soon.

awards

1,512 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @lou

POSTED ON Dec 14, 2022 22:36:54 GMT

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Lam scoffed, and a matching set of eyes (though in pale green instead,) rolled in mirror time. “Har har, you’re so clever and witty,” he replied sarcastically before sending his little brother a flattened look. “You look like the kids in those tissue commercials,” he added as he pointed at Leif’s nose.[break][break]

Like he could talk– Lam had quickly discovered that his nose turned just as red in the cold.[break][break]

“Wow, thanks Leif. Acerbic as ever, I see.” His arms folded across his chest, and that self-conscious feeling was quick to flare up again despite his efforts to temper into something smaller and contained.That was thing, though: in trying to recall how Leif used to be, it meant he sidestepped the brattiness that had intensified in him over the years. And the way he was sort of mean over stupid little things sometimes. Stuff that Lam normally didn’t really care about.[break][break]

Not that he wasn’t harsh back at times, or didn’t take sense of superiority in his own ways. It was sort of expected between siblings, sure, but that didn’t mean Lam really enjoyed getting in digs at each other after the heated moment had passed. And of course, Leif took his questioning as a slight, even though Lam hadn’t really meant it as such in his dumbfounded stupor. “Oh, stop. You know that’s not what I meant.” Hand out, he offered to take the coat so that Leif didn’t toss it down on some surface that Lam had already cleaned up.[break][break]

“No, it’s cool and all. Just, umm, maybe tell me next time?” He shrugged. “A little heads up, like, you know, most people do.” There was also the fact that Leif never just showed up. Lam wasn’t stupid, even though the other seemed to think so. Something happened. A spat maybe? Was he here in a huff to prove a point?[break][break]

Draping the coat on the back of a kitchen chair, he hummed in thought. “So almost a year then.” The added bit made him stop in his tracks, and then he was swiveling back toward the younger Logan. “You really think I’m gonna buy that? Like you wouldn’t argue with the manager until they worked something out for you? Leif, come on.”

[break][break]

Leif Logan // m: spring cleaning // where u come from huh

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played by

roux

leif, brat

he/him

Twenty-Three

Aug 11

Hau'oli City, Alola

gay

fashion designer/intern

civilian

9 height

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.

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16 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @leif

POSTED ON Dec 15, 2022 15:41:55 GMT

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"I know I am," He waved the other, shirking off the rest of his jacket. Only to be further insulted. Leif scoffed at that. "It was warm and sunny in Hau'oli when I left. I'm not prepared for all of this cold shit. Snow though... that was kind of cool in a freeze your ass off charming sort of way." It lost it's charm having the traipse across the parking lot to find a taxi cab. A good record five minutes of fascinated glee before it melted to misery.
[break][break]
"Oh please, it's not acerbic when it's the truth, dear brother." Hardly acerbic, considering he'd refrained from calling it trashy. Leif somewhat envied people that could wear ripped and baggy clothes unironically. He was always so hyper-aware of how he looked, it didn't mean he was better for it, but he could certainly pretend to be.
[break][break]
Sometimes, he regretted the way he treated Lam. It didn't always make sense to him, but there was always a strange taste of relief whenever he'd pissed off Lam to the point that he left the room. Like a weight removed from his shoulders. It didn't make sense still, but it sometimes felt good. Leif found he was a chaser of relief, of temporary good feelings. They never lasted, but at least they felt good at the time.
[break][break]
Leif offered the jacket over as Lam held out his hand expectantly. "Okay yeah, guess I should have... done that. Didn't really plan that much into it." This was clear to him as he found he had no actual plan for what he was going to do after the day or two of offered space from Lam. There was still the possibility that Lam said no though. He hadn't expected Lam to have a boyfriend though.
[break][break]
He knew when his lie wasn't strong enough to convince Lam. He knew that he was a tenacious bastard that demanded convenience. Lam saw straight through him. His temper pitched, panic making his voice pitched like an angry child's. "I just wanted to visit you okay!? It's nothing big. I just couldn't get a hotel room. That's it. Why do you have to make things so difficult?" He swallowed and his throat felt raw, in the way it did when he wanted to cry. Pathetic.
[break][break]
He tapped his heel anxiously. "Can I at least like sit and marinate before you grill me?"

[break][break]

lam logan // m: spring cleaning

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played by

lou

lam

he/him

twenty-six

may 7th

hau’oli city, alola

rooksexual (demi)

lilycove gym leader

gym leader

5'9 height

dinner in bed, and korean food, say ‘i love you’ just a little bit too soon.

awards

1,512 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @lou

POSTED ON Dec 18, 2022 3:00:39 GMT

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[attr="class","star2"]“You think I was? Hoenn is usually more like Alola than whatever this is.” He’d skimmed the news about the averted meteor and the resulting weather due to the events that had gone on surrounding it, but most of it had gone right over Lam’s head. Point was, it was abnormal.[break][break]

“Whatever,” Lam grumbled back, eyes rolling again—not much in the mood to argue the finer points of being acerbic versus not. Lam suddenly felt like he should go change or something, but it wasn’t like his other clothes were much better. Lam was usually happy with his relaxed style of dress, and of using his things to the point that they couldn’t be worn anymore. It was less wasteful. Somehow Leif always managed to circumvent Lam’s normal preferences, though.[break][break]

He didn’t really understand why Leif chose to nettle him the way he had. They weren’t always like that, once upon a time. So as he turned to hang Leif’s jacket, he brushed loose snowflakes from the shoulders and took a breath to steady himself. He knew the other would only try to push his buttons in a bid to see him lose his cool, but Lam wasn’t going to entertain it.[break][break]

Instead, he resumed tidying—moving around Leif as if he were a normal fixture in the apartment and not a new and sudden addition. “Even a text, like, an hour ago would’ve been cool.” Speaking of…he grabbed his phone from the kitchen counter. “Letting my boyfriend know you’re here. You want anything particular to eat?”[break][break]

He tried to keep any grumbly tone out of his voice.[break][break]

Guilted flared up in Lam’s stomach at the twist in Leif’s tone. He sighed, “I’m not being difficult, Leif. I’d just rather you didn’t start out with a fib when you show up at my door, unannounced, after a year.” He didn’t think that was all that unreasonable of an expectation. Was it unreasonable? Green eyes cut to the sharp magenta of his younger brother’s. It didn’t matter if it had been years since he’d last heard that particular twinge in Leif’s voice. He still recognized it.[break][break]

“What did he do?” It wasn’t a question that lorded his skepticism over the other. It wasn’t an I told you so, either. Not aggressive or demanding, more quiet and intent. Because again, he wasn’t stupid. Turning back toward his little brother, his hands settled on slighter shoulders as he looked down at him. Though it was short lived as he relented, his own shoulders slumping. “Okay, alright. Fine. No more questions for now.”
[break][break]

Leif Logan // m: spring cleaning // where u come from huh

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played by

roux

leif, brat

he/him

Twenty-Three

Aug 11

Hau'oli City, Alola

gay

fashion designer/intern

civilian

9 height

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.

awards

16 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @leif

POSTED ON Jan 10, 2023 16:44:47 GMT

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A lot had apparently happened just before turning up in this place. Truthfully, he shouldn't have been surprised at the temperature considering he was visiting during the winter months, there was no telling how the weather would end up. Though, he knew his brother was as much of a baby as he was with the cold.
[break][break]
Leif wasn't sure what he'd been expecting upon popping up in Lam's house unannounced. It wasn't like they'd been on the best of terms before Lam had left and, despite himself, he'd always felt guilty for how he treated him. That wasn't the topic of discussion and he wasn't yet ready to apologize, but even then the guilt was nagging and intrusive. In truth, he probably should have counted himself lucky that Lam was kinder and more forgiving than he was.
[break][break]
"Yeah fine... I'm sorry." He'd have to eat an apology for that one. He hadn't be able to tell the other he was coming, because he'd been afraid he might have to explain himself. Of course, he'd inevitably have to explain himself, he just wanted it to be under controlled circumstances. Leave it to him to think he needed to be in control of how he explained his fuck up. The truth was he couldn't stay in Alola right now because he was humiliated and their dad couldn't handle it. Really, he missed his brother, but he couldn't tell him that because that was too vulnerable. Leif didn't feel good when he told the truth, because the truth exposed him for what he really was.
[break][break]
"I don't know, whatever you have... I guess." He shrugged at that, not about to be picky about what he ate. In truth, he was hungry enough to eat whatever was laid out in front of him. He'd not gotten much to eat on the ride over. "It's not a fib..." It was a fib and being stubborn about it wasn't going to change Lam's opinion of that, but he wasn't ready to admit the truth that he wasn't at all prepared. He had no idea why he was there or what he was planning on doing.
[break][break]
“What did he do?” He felt himself tense up at that. I'm not ready to talk about that, Lam, he wanted to say, but didn't. "Nothing. I don't know what you mean." As if it wasn't perfectly audible in his voice that he knew exactly what Lam was referring to. A pinched, pathetic, childish sort of ache that wrung at his throat. He hated it. Yet Lam relented, which he was grateful for. "Good, I'm... just here to see you, that's all." That wasn't entirely false either, he just didn't want to say why.

[break][break]

lam logan // m: spring cleaning

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played by

lou

lam

he/him

twenty-six

may 7th

hau’oli city, alola

rooksexual (demi)

lilycove gym leader

gym leader

5'9 height

dinner in bed, and korean food, say ‘i love you’ just a little bit too soon.

awards

1,512 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @lou

POSTED ON Jan 27, 2023 16:11:57 GMT

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“It’s fine…it’s fine.” Lam sighed, shaking his head. It wouldn’t do any good to start off on bad footing with Leif just because he was frustrated with the spontaneity of his arrival. Whatever the reason Leif had for showing up, it was clearly bad enough that he chose to seek out Lam of all people for a sense of escape. In all honesty, he would’ve thought himself a last resort. That had been something Leif had made clear ages ago, and Lam had allowed that distance to grow.[break][break]

It was no use to fixate on that now, though. Leif was already there, and the only choice Lam had was to go with the flow of it. It wasn’t like he was gonna kick his brother out, or anything like that.[break][break]

Lam snorted, glancing back over his shoulder. “Well we don’t have much. So hope you’re happy with freezer food.” Looking down at his phone, he tapped out another message to Rook to have him pick up extra nuggets. “Right, sure. Not a fib.” His tone made it obvious that he didn’t believe Leif in the slightest about that. There was no sense in pushing it, though. Not when Leif was equally capable of being as stubborn as him, if not moreso.[break][break]

But something had happened. The way his brother tensed in reaction to his question told him as much. He opened his mouth to protest the way Leif deflected, but after a moment his jaw snapped shut. “Okay, alright.” His hands lifted in defeat– quick to wave a white flag in surrender for the time being if it meant he could avoid this turning into a bigger argument than it was worth. For whatever reason, Leif didn’t want to tell him what was going on. Which kind of stung, but forcing him to talk would only make matters worse.[break][break]

“Guess I’m not getting much more cleaning done.” Pushing a hand through his hair, he leaned against the counter and looked over at his younger brother again. A small smile returned to his face. “I am glad to see you, though. I hope you know. I’m sure Rook will be excited to meet you.”
[break][break]

Leif Logan // m: spring cleaning // where u come from huh

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played by

roux

leif, brat

he/him

Twenty-Three

Aug 11

Hau'oli City, Alola

gay

fashion designer/intern

civilian

9 height

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.

awards

16 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @leif

POSTED ON Feb 10, 2023 15:48:35 GMT

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Leif didn't know how to handle guilt, honestly. Though it was, admittedly, a common affliction for him. Mostly because he got himself into stupid situations and he wasn't actually impervious to feeling at fault. More often then not, he knew he was a shithead and that he deserved what was coming to him. That didn't make it fair. He often felt like the short end of the stick, like he continuously pulled the short straw.
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He was used to feeling like everyone else would be picked over him and so it was his first instinct to reject that mentality with self-confidence (no matter how acidic).
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"Yeah, I'm hungry enough to eat anything at this point." Even Lam's crappy freezer food. No longer could he afford his top-tier vegan food that no longer looked fit for human consumption with the amount of gravitas it underwent. That was okay with him, honestly he'd only pretended to like that food because other people in his circle did. That was the thing about him, he had no identity except for what was popular. Lam saw through that and so did everyone else. He hated it. So yeah, he'd eat the shitty frozen food.
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He'd forgotten that Lam was dating someone though, that made this difficult. He wasn't visiting, he was a nuisance. Excess fat that needed to be cut away just so that Lam could do gross things without scarring his brother. He sighed at that, "I'm looking forward to meeting him, for the record."

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lam logan // m: spring cleaning

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played by

lou

lam

he/him

twenty-six

may 7th

hau’oli city, alola

rooksexual (demi)

lilycove gym leader

gym leader

5'9 height

dinner in bed, and korean food, say ‘i love you’ just a little bit too soon.

awards

1,512 posts

DOLLARS

part of

TAG WITH @lou