'of course you do!'

[break][break] it's exactly what he wanted to hear, it's what he had been trying to get her to say, but a bitter feeling twists itself in his gut as he looks at her.

[break][break] "if you did, you wouldn't have — ! " he nearly shouts, forced upright by the urgency in his tome. agony pulls him straight down though, and he winces, sinking back into the cushions.

[break][break] he bites down on the inside of his cheek, stopping himself from saying something he'd soon later regret.

[break][break] "if you did," he said, his voice quiet. "you wouldn't have done it."

[break][break] if she understood him, if she thought about him, there was no way that the events would have played out as it had.

[break][break] he takes a breath.

[break][break] "but fine. explain it. i'll give you one last chance, penny."

[attr="class","ooc"] PENELOPE LIVY [break]

Fists curled at her sides, nail-biting into flesh. The atmosphere, heavy of carbolic and antiseptic, clogged the lungs. It was a thick gruel, it beckoned forth suffocation, washing all else in a pitcher full of shadows.
[break][break]


A deep breath released the coils from around her neck. Another freed her lungs of the bridle that confined them. Even when playing a façade, moments like these never dulled in its striking pain.
[break][break]


"I'm not strong. I'm not," she started, her eyes squeezing shut, "When you found me after Cian, i was absolutely destroyed. Like, I think I was at my lowest. I didn't know who to talk to - I don't think I had anyone to talk to. So, when I saw you, when you took me back to your apartment, I felt saved."
[break][break]


A deep sigh rolled out and her eyes fluttered open.
[break][break]


"And then you left. Again."
[break][break]


"i don't have a choice here."
[break][break]


She could still hear his exasperation, still taste the salt of her tears. The expression he wore had been etched into the back of her mind, a memory to never be forgotten or discarded.
[break][break]


"I'm not blaming you - no one deserves what I did to you, but I don't know, when you left... I needed something. Someone, anyone. I was so fucking lonely, so fucking hurt, so fucking gutted. And he was there. And I fell for it."
[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] ollie morales[break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-ditto"]

last chance. what did that even mean? did ollie even mean it when he said it?

[break][break] probably not. not when it came to PENELOPE LIVY, but it was all he could come with.

[break][break] guilt floods his gaze at her explanation, because the councilwoman knows exactly which points to hit to make his foundation crumble. she knew his weak points, knew what would turn bitter ash into pools of empathy.

[break][break] "so you went to MATIAS SILPH?" he bites down on his lip. "not cian?"

[break][break] he takes a breath.

[break][break] "was it worth it?"

[break][break] "was he everything you wanted, penny?"

[attr="class","ooc"] PENELOPE LIVY [break]

"I couldn't go back to Cian."
[break][break]
In reality, she already had. But even he wasn't enough to smother her thoughts of MATIAS SILPH . Of what they had.
[break][break]
Foolish, foolish, foolish.
[break][break]
To his question, she shook her head first, then moved to answer, speaking first with her mourning eyes, then her fictitious lips.
[break][break]
"No."
[break][break]
Because he was more. Somehow, someway, despite all the hell he ensued, or the demands his words brewed, MATIAS SILPH has made himself to mean so much more than anything Penelope could've ever imagined.
[break][break]
He was a ruination worth fearing.
[break][break]
"I regret it so much, Ollie. So fucking much."


[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] ollie morales [break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-ditto"]

"you couldn't?"

[break][break] abruptly, the memories of that night they'd spent together flickered into his thoughts, causing a rush of memories to surge forward. colors spun around him as he recalled everything that she'd said that night, unfolding like a swiftly scrolling camera roll.

[break][break] "why... why did you break up with cian?" he asked suddenly, with a frown. "you never told me."

[break][break] at the time, she'd been so distraught that he hadn't wanted to push it further. he hadn't wanted her to cause her any more pain than he thought he'd already caused her. but with everything that had happened... the tables were turned.

[break][break] even so, empathy flickered in ollie's expression as she admitted to her folly, expressing regret for her choices. but regret can only go so far — sorry can only mean so much.

[break][break] "you stayed with him," he said after a moment, biting on his lip. he remembered the way she had tossed him out of the apartment, how she'd run to MATIAS SILPH in favor of him. "are you saying you didn't?"

[break][break] were they not together anymore?

[attr="class","ooc"] PENELOPE LIVY [break]

It was working.
[break][break]


Slowly but surely, her words were cementing into bricks - bricks strong enough to withstand the foundations of her newly established fortress of unspeakable lies. But, like a huntress staking her claim for survival's sakes, these victories warranted no celebrations. Only mourning.
[break][break]


"In the borders," she began the tale as she had done time and time again. Experience waned her voice into small, shameful ashes. "During one of our expeditions, we kissed."

[break][break]

A regret that now hung over her neck like a guillotine. Today, ollie morales served as her executioner.
[break][break]


"I-I wasn't myself. The borders - it had an effect I couldn't resist, even when I tried to. And I tried."
[break][break]


A shaky breath broke her words.
[break][break]


"Back then, I stayed with him because I was scared. I didn't know what he would do if I left, and after all that happened, I just wanted it to stop. I wanted everything to just stop."
[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] ollie morales[break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-ditto"]

"you... kissed."

[break][break] the words were repeated, heart thudding in his chest. a flash of a memory, and he remembered talking with Greyson Connors days ago, talking about how MATIAS SILPH had kissed annalise henderson. how he'd forced her.

[break][break] but here penny was telling him that she'd done the same? that she'd done so willingly —

[break][break] his hands curled into fists in the blanket, tangling into the scratchy fabric.

[break][break] "wait. you said in the borders, but what about - " what about that night they'd shared? what about cian? what about the night that he'd caught her and MATIAS SILPH f — "what about your apartment? what about then?"

[break][break] ollie's gaze snaps towards her, a glittering green, only for more pieces to click together.

[break][break] "wait - are you saying - are you saying he broke up with you?"

[break][break] "cian couldn't forgive you over one kiss?"

[attr="class","ooc"] PENELOPE LIVY [break]

"I broke up with him."
[break][break]

The clarification was one many would forget. Naturally, the woes of cheating would always act triumphant to the comparatively bleak complaints Penelope held over the relationship. Still, they were important to her.
[break][break]

"But it had nothing to do with MATIAS SILPH," she assured him, brows jutted upward, eyes widening into open pools of golden sorrows. If only she could go onwards, explaining every little detail marking up her path of seriously ill-made decisions. But what good would that do her? What good would that do him?
[break][break]

So, instead, she resigns herself to the other side of the bed, with her fingers lightly trailing the metal railing at its end.



[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] ollie morales[break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-ditto"]

ollie realizes how foolish it sounds. just one kiss. loyalty was something important to him, and he knew he should have understood what it felt like to have that trust breached. and yet, when it came to PENELOPE LIVY, it seemed like he was always making excuses.

[break][break] 'it's obvious, you know,' willow atkins had once said.

[break][break] 'it is?' is how he'd answered.

[break][break] how his heart had bled for her, time and time again.

[break][break] verdant green eyes follow hers as she settles on the other end of the bed, a torrent of emotions racing through him. ollie had always been a big person — louder than life, he was full of emotion almost constantly, and he had never been afraid to show it. yet in the quiet of that hospital room, after everything that happened between them, he could only think of one thing to say.

[break][break] "then what?"

[break][break] his brow furrowed.

[break][break] "what do you mean?"

[attr="class","ooc"] PENELOPE LIVY [break]

She shook her head.
[break][break]

Her relationship shared with CIAN MAHER was one that mirrored a kaleidoscope of shifting colors. Depending on which way you twisted its neck, a new array of beauty is found, but one by one, try by try, each set becomes increasingly different and increasingly harder to enjoy. It's just a mismatch of color, without rhyme or meaning. Nothing complimented the other. No colors understood the other. Only when you squint at it.
[break][break]

But, in many aspects of her life, Penelope was tired of squinting. Tired of fighting for reasons to believe in something other than what she already knew.
[break][break]

"It doesn't matter now."
[break][break]

With ollie morales, she never had to squint. The colors always matched. The shapes always fitted into place.
[break][break]

"Ollie," A step is taken to bridge the rift between them. "Who I care about is you. Is there anything I can do? Anything?"

[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] ollie morales[break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-ditto"]

a burst of frustration ignited in his chest as yet again, she avoided another question. or at least, he thought she did.

[break][break] this whole situation continued to be confusing. his emotions regarding penny had always been messy, but this whole thing was just making it worse.

[break][break] "you care about me?"

[break][break] he shakes his head, feeling a bitter taste rise in his mouth.

[break][break] "if you care about me, how about the truth, penny? stop dodging my questions."

[break][break] "i get the border made you kiss matias, but why everything else? why stay with him? why'd i have to find you with him in your room? why break up with cian, if not for the guy you cheated on - "

[break][break] he sucked in a breath.

[break][break] "just. tell me penny."

[break][break] "did you love him?"

[attr="class","ooc"] PENELOPE LIVY [break]

"I don't love him, Ollie!"
[break][break]
Liar.
[break][break]
Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar.
[break][break]
Like a river, it poured out from her mouth, seamless and without the fault of hesitation. Deep down, she knew what she was saying. What she was convincing ollie morales into believing. Because despite these honeyed lies she continued to whisper, Penelope knew who was still back at home, waiting for her return.
[break][break]
"But I was so fucking alone. Even with Cian, I felt alone."
[break][break]
Her tears only punctuated this concoction of half-truths and downright lies. Together they made for the perfect tragedy built up by possibilities, shattered by realities.
[break][break]
"Ever since I joined the council. Ever since the fate of this whole fucking region became my responsibility!"
[break][break]
Her shoulders shook, and her bottom lip quivered. Never had she felt this vulnerable.
[break][break]
"Ollie, I still hear them at night. The screams from Mt Pyre, they keep me up at night, and I can see their faces. And who can I talk to? Cian? He never understood. some people just can't."
[break][break]
Her head twisted into a rattle. The more she moved, the less confined she felt. As though shackles phased through the mobile. Reality roots the weak.
[break][break]
There was more. She could go on and on about how CIAN MAHER weakened her. How their relationship was growing into another obstacle to overcome. But cynicism held no place here. It would add frost to the image she wanted to keep warm.

[break][break]

[attr="class","ooc"] ollie morales[break]


[attr="class","pkspr pkmn-ditto"]

'i don't love him!'

[break][break] even though he had no right to, ollie couldn't deny the burst of relief that he felt at her words.

[break][break] she didn't love him. she'd only been with him, had only kissed him, because of the border's influence. more than that, she'd regretted it.

[break][break] ollie knew he had no right to have these feelings about them, but after everything they'd gone through in the last few months, he wasn't sure how he would've reacted if she had said that he had. in fact, ollie wasn't sure if MATIAS SILPH was even capable of something like love — not with the way that he'd treated his sister.

[break][break] guilt swells in his chest as she says the word alone, knowing that it was his fault for having left her in that position. even if it was something that he'd been unable to help at the time, he still felt bad for leaving her there.

[break][break] "you can talk to me," he said after her outburst, gaze turning to hers seriously. "c'mere."

[break][break] he wanted to go to her, but he couldn't. if she came over to the bed, he would've wrapped her in his arms.

[break][break] it wasn't perfect. it wouldn't fix everything.

[break][break] but maybe, maybe together they could work towards the start of something.

[break][break] "i'm sorry," he confessed. "i was - i was stupid. i know you would never be the type of person to cheat - at least not on purpose. i know you wouldn't have done... that, unless there was a reason for it."

[break]

[attr="class","ooc"] PENELOPE LIVY [break]