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POSTED ON Jul 21, 2023 4:42:46 GMT

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[attr="class","star2"] Something flares up in them at the insistence of their allegiance. Fern stares back, a frown evident as their voice sharpens. “No. I am me. I am not Rocket, I am a part of it.” They would not allow that to be confused. Not ever.[break][break]

But the severity of that argument soon washed away next to the repercussions of their jealousy. Also only theirs to own.[break][break]

Why would I want that?[break][break]

“I don’t know-“ they bleat back, shoulders shrugging helplessly. “Because-“ Fern shrugs again. Because i'm not enough? Because I can’t keep up?[break][break]

The harshness of hands planting on their shoulders makes them wince. Even then, though, the words he speaks cause a kick of relief so strong that Fern feels much of the fight evaporate on the spot.[break][break]

They can feel their stupid bottom lip wobble.[break][break]

“You didn’t say that. Why didn’t you start that way?” It had been vague and unsettling. They feel crazy now—like they’re wrong to have put this conclusion to his prior statement. But they don’t feel wrong for it, either.[break][break]

Their voice shrinks down to something tiny. It’s wobbly and confused and pitiful and they hate themself a bit for how they turn into a mess so easily where he’s involved.[break][break]

It’s terrifying.[break][break]

The last time that Fern danced close to a feeling like this, they felt burned by it in the end.[break][break]

Their knees feel like they’ve gone to jello and if it weren’t for the other’s hands clamped to their shoulders, they might have crumpled right there on the spot.[break][break]

“You didn’t say it back,” they repeat it softly, mostly for themself.

[break][break]

jayden cross // m: doubt[break]

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jayden

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POSTED ON Jul 21, 2023 4:57:41 GMT

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[attr="class","lyrics"] look into my eyes right now

[attr="class","littlejay"]

'I am not Rocket. I am a part of it.'

[break][break] Not Rocket? A sudden burst of insecurity flares up in Jayden, reminded of hurt and betrayal and everything he'd felt at the borders. At the recent betrayals of late. The long list of traitors that hurt Jayden nearly as much as cutting off his own arm.

[break][break] His body tenses up naturally — this kind of talk was treason. How could Fern say that? Did Fern not care for Rocket? Did Fern not care for him?

[break][break] Then suddenly, a voice slithers through.

[break][break] 'He is not you, Jayden. He doesn't have to be.'

[break][break] It is the voice of reason that he needs, the reminder, from keeping this escalating more than it needs to be.

[break][break] Fern was not Rocket in the same way that Jayden was. His blood ran red the same way Jayden's ran purple — and Fern needed him to understand it just as desperately as Jayden needed them to understand him.

[break][break] "I didn't say it back," he repeats, feeling them crumble in his arms. His heart tumbles, his face twisting from confusion to disbelief to concern. He pulls them closer to them, eyes fluttering shut for a moment. Just to feel them against him, to feel their heartbeats beat together, just for a moment.

[break][break] He pulls back, holding them at the shoulders. This time, his gaze is softer.

[break][break] "I - " His throat is thick. I love you. "I said it at the Border. At the Masquerade. I don't want to leave you, I always want you by my side."

[break][break] "How many times do I need to say it, solnyshka," he murmurs, hand brushing softly against their cheek. His heart yearned. Why couldn't they understand it? How many times did he have to say it?

[break][break] "For you to understand?"

[break]

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fern delaney

☉

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harper beck

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twenty-eight

august 11

stow-on-side, galar

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forger

rocket admin

6'0 (it's 5'8) height

long black tulips, born in your blue tints. lemongrass eyelids, smoke in your slick lips.

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POSTED ON Jul 25, 2023 22:56:45 GMT

jayden cross likes this

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[attr="class","star2"] Fern separates themself from their rocket identity in a fundamentally different way than Jayden does. They’re not quite sure he’ll ever understand what they mean when they say what they do.[break][break]

Down in the very fibers of their being, Fern only belongs to themself. Nothing else. They are loyal to Rocket, yes, but that does not mean they are composed of it. It does not construct their dna.[break][break]

Perhaps it is seen as selfish, but Fern is his own. It won’t be taken away or dismantled so easily.[break][break]

Or perhaps it will be, for how easily this subject makes them knot up with distaste and envy. Maybe they aren’t their own anymore, but nor are they Rocket’s.[break][break]

Perhaps they became his at some indiscernible moment that they can’t put a pin on.[break][break]

And because of this, it becomes easier for Fern to look around that glaring difference between them. To not mind it quite so much.[break][break]

It feels like a cheap way to have made him reassure them, but it wasn’t necessarily meant to be an implosion of their embarrassing jealousy. Not initially. They’re not a perfect creature—they’re full of petty spite and vindictive tendencies when they feel wronged.[break][break]

But hopefully the way they relent quickly is enough to compensate. They do not fight the way he draws them in, and instead leans into it. Their head rests in the crook of his shoulder and neck, warm, shaky breath heating the skin there.[break][break]

“I’m sorry,” they sound pathetic and small, and not at all like their normally put upon confidence. At some point, their arms had wound their way around him in response.[break][break]

A frantic edge in their gaze is all that betrays their anxiety. “It’s easier to expect the worst. From anyone.” Especially from those kept closest. “I just- you didn’t lead with that, and you sounded so..”[break][break]

They’re not sure how to put the right word to it.

[break][break]

jayden cross // m: doubt[break]

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jayden

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POSTED ON Jul 28, 2023 17:52:51 GMT

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[attr="class","lyrics"] look into my eyes right now

[attr="class","littlejay"]

More than anything, Jayden wanted Fern to understand. That he was Rocket in the same way that other people were alive, that the things that comprised normal people — blood, veins, organs — were just Rocket when it came to him. He wanted Fern to understand that no matter what happened, Jayden's blood would always bleed purple. Never red.

[break][break] And certainly not yellow.

[break][break] But there is something that holds him back. Maybe an innate knowledge, that as important as Rocket was to Jayden, fern delaney had always been somehow... more. He had been the thing that tied him, the thing that stopped him from going back to the Borders again and again; the thing that made him want to drift away from all the things imprinted into him by Dmitri.

[break][break] Because above it all, he was theirs. In the same way that Fern was his.

[break][break] 'I'm sorry.'

[break][break] A hand draws to their cheek, the gesture tender.

[break][break] "I sounded so...?" he repeats, soft, as he stares into their eyes.

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fern delaney

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harper beck

they/he

twenty-eight

august 11

stow-on-side, galar

pansexual

forger

rocket admin

6'0 (it's 5'8) height

long black tulips, born in your blue tints. lemongrass eyelids, smoke in your slick lips.

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POSTED ON Aug 3, 2023 22:38:14 GMT

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[attr="class","star2"] Fern wasn’t sure he’d ever manage to understand the level of Jayden’s unquestioned loyalty. They knew they weren’t born into Rocket. They hadn’t even been a member in Galar, when they were taking up with Girard, who very much was a prominent part at the time.[break][break]

It was something that they could pledge to, commit to. But they would never share that idea of wholly belonging. Their sense of autonomy demanded otherwise. If they had to belong to anyone or anything, Fern preferred it be Jayden above the group they worked for. Committed atrocities for.[break][break]

They let out a breath, face tilting into the palm that slides across their cheek. They lean into it, desperate and eager to cling to that warmth as their fingers curl into the fabric of his sleeves.[break][break]

Wistful. That’s the word they’re thinking of, but their head shakes. “It doesn’t matter,” they comment quietly as their gaze resettles on him. “I was wrong.”[break][break]

How many times will they be wrong, though, before he grows tired of it?

jayden cross // m: doubt[break]

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jayden

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POSTED ON Aug 4, 2023 17:30:12 GMT

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[attr="class","lyrics"] look into my eyes right now

[attr="class","littlejay"]

There were so many things that Jayden didn't understand about Fern. Relationships in general often felt like a tightrope that he didn't know how to walk.

[break][break] But if there was anyone he'd walk through fire for, it would be them.

[break][break] "It matters," he says, brushing a thumb against their cheek. It's warm in his grasp, and his heart finally settles knowing that somehow he's gotten through to them. "You matter."

[break][break] The other hand slides down, clutching theirs.

[break][break] "I'm sorry for the way I brought it up. I didn't know - I didn't mean it that way."

[break][break] He leans down, brushing his lips against theirs.

[break][break] "Forgive me?"

[break]

[attr="class","ooc"]
fern delaney

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harper beck

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twenty-eight

august 11

stow-on-side, galar

pansexual

forger

rocket admin

6'0 (it's 5'8) height

long black tulips, born in your blue tints. lemongrass eyelids, smoke in your slick lips.

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POSTED ON Aug 7, 2023 1:41:39 GMT

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[attr="class","star2"] “You sounded wistful,” they answer quietly then, lulled into a sense of security by his words. The reassurance that they matter. Something melancholic laces through their sigh, shoulders sagging as they lean into the press of his palm on their face. Pale eyes fluttering shut.[break][break]

Even as their fingers tangle together. Even as the fight fades out of them, there is an ache that lingers in the pit of their chest. Fern is no longer angry, but they can’t forget the tender bruise-like feeling that bloomed in the wake of his declaration.[break][break]

It’s like a dull throb, persistent and forlorn. Maybe a tinge desperate.[break][break]

Still, their head shakes. “No, I— okay, yes. You phrased it terribly,” they mutter in spite of their better judgment, “but I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions, I suppose.”[break][break]

It’s no small thing for them to admit their wrongness. Their eyes crack open again hesitantly, narrowed in their wariness for only a moment before the slightest dust of his lips make their knees go wobbly.[break][break]

“Yes,” no more than a breath as they lean in. Arms slipping up around his neck as their head tucks into the crook and they hug him tight.[break][break]

The kind of immediate forgiveness only love allows.

jayden cross // m: doubt[break]

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jayden

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december 25

ballonlea, galar

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POSTED ON Aug 10, 2023 4:14:42 GMT

Chu-e Choi likes this

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[attr="class","jaytop"]

[attr="class","lyrics"] look into my eyes right now

[attr="class","littlejay"]

The feeling of their lips brushing and their arms closing around them causes Jayden's heart to shutter with relief and warmth. He pulls them closer to him, tightening his grip.

[break][break] "I wasn't - I'm not wistful," he said, fingers sliding through their hair. "I didn't mean to make it seem that way."

[break][break] He didn't even know what he would be wistful for. There was a point in time where he might have regretted his actions with Chu-e Choi at Evergrande City, but now was not one of them. He did not linger, he did not doubt.

[break][break] A hand brushed against their back, rubbing small circles.

[break][break] "You're who I want to be with, Fern," he murmured. "I'm yours, always."

[break][break] He presses a kiss against their head.

[break][break] "I promise."

[break]

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fern delaney

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played by

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harper beck

they/he

twenty-eight

august 11

stow-on-side, galar

pansexual

forger

rocket admin

6'0 (it's 5'8) height

long black tulips, born in your blue tints. lemongrass eyelids, smoke in your slick lips.

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