Howard Slayte is a bitch-ass motherfucker.

Seriously, YOU outrank HIM, so why are you the one running about scrounging samples from historical landmarks? Why can't he do it himself, the lazy prick? What a piece of shit. Unfortunately for him, he's going to regret asking you to do this, because you're going to do such a bad job that he'll never ask you to do it again.

Case in point, you're already two hours late. Why would you even need a deadline for picking up centuries-old pebbles, anyway? They're not going anywhere. They're not going to expire. Their value on the free market is not going to decrease. No, you'll take your sweet time with this, because there is no possible reason not to. You have all the time in the world to climb this pillar and find what Howard needs, and by god, you will make the most of it.

So, stretching your arms, you finally step inside the tower and begin to climb, completely ignorant of the delivery girl arriving to the scene mere yards away from you.

---

june sleigh

There! A figure just entered the tower. He looked just like what Howard had told June. She sprinted towards and into the tower, taking the stairs two at a time. The sooner she made contact, the sooner she could move on with her life and tell Howard 'no' next time. 

"Hey! Stop! Are you Shred Zeppelin? Howard sent you? Got whatever the hell he sent you for? Where you got it? Pockets?" June assaulted the man with questions, continuous as she finally closed the gap and stood right in front of him. 

Wait, where was the package? Sure, a proper box with all the bells and whistles was unreasonable, but she figured it would be... y'know. Bigger. She gave the man a visual shake down, mentally examining which nooks and crannies could possibly be hiding the package.

A terrible thought crept into her head. No, that couldn't possibly be right. This guy was dependable, right? Could do whatever you asked him to in a vaguely timely manner. Wouldn't POSSIBLY show up super late and not tell June about his tendencies entirely right? At least, if that WERE the case, he'd give the guy her contact information so that she could swing by as soon as he actually HAD the shit, yea?

June pulled on her collar, "So... you, you know... found the rocks, right? The stupid, dumbass rocks Howard sent you to find? That he sent me here to grab and throw into his dusty-ass apartment, so they can gather dust too? Please tell me you did."

That initial forced smile slowly faded, until only a remnant remained. A lump formed in the pit of her stomach. Shred seriously didn't--

---

Shred

Ah, shit. Howard actually shelled out money for a courier? That penniless rapscallion blew cash to get those rocks express delivered? Is this the consequences of your actions, come to bend you over? You're going to get two lectures for this. Well, unless...

"Holy shit, is that Axew drinking a cup of tea?"

You abruptly change the topic, pointing over the corner of the ruins. Sure enough, there's a small little whelp of a dragon, dainty cup in his hand, savouring some manner of beverage. Where the hell did he get that? Do they have a Sawbucks at the Sky Pillar that you missed on your way in? That's crazy. Dare you say, it almost feels perverse, like seeing a Primeape dressed up in human clothes. Nature and civilisation has crossed, and this is the result. The Axew have fallen to capitalism. Nothing is sacred.

But, hey, this pushy lady is some kind of young person, right? This'll probably serve as an ample distraction. She'll be too busy recording it for her PikPok, and you'll be able to slip away. You just wait for her focus to falter, and for her to turn her attention towards the curious dragon.

And then, you run further up the tower as fast as your legs can carry you.

---

june sleigh
Skipping both spawns.

June lost her attention rather fast. Sure enough, there was in fact an Axew in the middle of a nice cup of tea. Nice as a purple, ghastly cup of tea could be. Why did the cup have eyes on its side? Wait, did it just blink? Maybe that Axew was in trouble. 

"Dude, I don't think that's actually--"

Wait, where did he go? June looked up the staircase only to see the man frantically running away. His heavy footsteps echoed in the stairwell. Fucker tried to distract her! She started the chase. "Hey! Where are you going, get back here and tell me if you have the stupid rocks or not!"

Thankfully, the other man was not nearly as fast as her. It didn't take too long before she was right behind the man, his nice shoes on full display as they nearly crushed her nose in. It wasn't hard to catch one of his legs and bring him down on the stairs.

"You didn't find the stupid rocks, did you?! What, Howard didn't tell you someone'd be coming to pick them up at a specific time? Leave you out of the loop? Forget to--actually, no, that sounds about right," June said. Just as fast as she had shaken him down and yelled at him, she let go of his leg and took a few steps back.

Howard probably didn't tell this guy shit. Must've thought he had all the time in the world to do it, only for her to show up. That would explain his awful (yet admittedly effective) attempt to distract her in order to make a break for it. Up the tower. Why didn't he try to leave?

What was this guys name again? "Here, Sheldon, let me help you up. We'll... find those stupid rocks together. At least I'll know where they came from this time."

This guy looked like a Sheldon. Sunglasses, silly jacket in the summer, long rocker hair. All he was missing was that classic rocker smell... on second thought, no. Better that he didn't.

Also skipping both spawns.

---

Shred

"Gyah!"

She catches you by the legs, and like a thrashing Magikarp caught in the ravenous jaws of a Carvanha, you tumble down the stairs and land with an unceremonius thud on the floor. Shit, this isn't good. You have an expectant deliverygirl bearing down upon you, and nothing to send off for delivery. How are you supposed to talk your way out of this one?

"Look, I can explain...!"

But lucky for you, you don't even need to, because June pretty handily explains it herself. Granted, it's an entirely wrong explanation, but it paints you in the right and Howard in the wrong, so who are you to dispute it? Not only that, but she's even offering to help you get the stupid rocks, free of charge! This really worked out wonderful for you. You evade punishment for your avoidable failures, AND get help with an already easy task. Everything's coming up Zeppelin!

"...Alright, sure." You shrug, pulling yourself back to your feet and dusting off your jacket. "Let's get this over and done with... And my name isn't Sheldon, by the way, it's--"

You don't have time to finish your correction, as a gigantic slimy beast makes its presence known, budging you out of the way as it idly trots down the stairs. Unfortunately for Goodra, you've already been budged once in the past two minutes, and you're not in the mood to get budged a second time. So, you clench one hand into a fist, and grab an empty Pokeball with the other.

"OI, FUCKFACE, GET BACK HERE!"

With rage in your heart and anger in your mind, you lunge at the creature, eager to get even for the perceived slight. To cut a long story short, it's a very sludgy affair, and you spend a lot of it getting the shit kicked out of you, but it also ends with the Goodra in a Pokeball, rocking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...

---

june sleigh
Catching GOODRA.

First this guy ignores Junes offer for help up, then he charges down a whole ass Goodra, and then he starts to get his shit kicked in. He claimed his name wasn't Sheldon, but this seemed like an aggressively Sheldon thing to do. Did Howard really ask this guy to do something vaguely important? Like did attract like. Did that mean June was like this too? 

She shuddered. Arceus above, please don't let her become like this man or Howard.

The god answered, but perhaps in a strange way. A strange flap, flap, flap sounded off further up the stairs. All the way from the next floor up. June looked skyward, only to see a progressively growing mass of black steel. A flying knight on the charge!

FLAP FLAP FLAP--

"FUCK," June quickly dove sideways, out of the Pokémon warpath. Howard and the Goodra didn't need to do anything, as they already wrestled on the ground. How the hell did a Corviknight get into the tower, and why was it on the offensive?

Even worse, she could hear the sound of its wing beats slowly grow closer yet again. Was it seriously coming back for round two?! One of them couldn't even win their own fight, let alone a two-versus-one! Maybe the two wild Pokémon would let her join their team. Sheldon would stand no chance against the three of them...

June slowly rose from the ground and shoved a hand into her backpack. A water bottle was traded for a poke ball. No, she told Sheldon she'd help him find the stupid rocks. Not only that, but business prospectives started formulating in her mind. Those things could carry quite a load. If she could catch this one, her delivery service could allow for massive packages! She could charge people so much fucking money for heavy packages, like the Hoenn Postal Service did!

So, when the Corviknight re-emerged from the bottom of the stair well, June stood firm. She chucked the ball as hard as she could, right into it's armored face. It had no time to dodge the red-and-white ball. It disappeared into the ball, around the same time that her companion managed to figure out that he could do the exact same with his own pokemon. Momentum carried it all the way up the stairs, directly onto the step June occupied herself. 

Their poke balls shook in unison...

-1 Poke Ball, catch attempt on Corviknight

---

Shred

[attr="class","wildtemp"]

[attr="class","wildbgsaf"]

[attr="class","wildtitle"]A WILD GHOLDENGO APPEARED!

[attr="class","wildshiny"]

[attr="class","wildpkmnbox"]

[attr="class","wildpkmn"]

[attr="class","wildtab"]

[attr="class","wildtabox"] GENDERLESS	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] GOOD AS GOLD
[attr="class","wildtabox"]RECOVER	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]MEMENTO
[attr="class","wildtabox"]ASTONISH	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]METAL SOUND
[attr="class","wildtabox"] ---	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] ---

[attr="class","wildtag"]june sleigh Shred

[attr="class","wildnote"] WHAT WILL YOU DO?

[attr="class","wildtemp"]

[attr="class","wildbgsaf"]

[attr="class","wildtitle"]A WILD GIBLE APPEARED!

[attr="class","wildshiny"]

[attr="class","wildpkmnbox"]

[attr="class","wildpkmn"]

[attr="class","wildtab"]

[attr="class","wildtabox"] FEMALE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] ROUGH SKIN
[attr="class","wildtabox"]DRAGON BREATH	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]BITE
[attr="class","wildtabox"]SAND ATTACK	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]SAND TOMB
[attr="class","wildtabox"] ---	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] ---

[attr="class","wildtag"]june sleigh Shred

[attr="class","wildnote"] WHAT WILL YOU DO?

BOTH OF YOUR CAPTURE ATTEMPTS ARE SUCCESSFUL!

"...And that's how I met Howard. Not, uh, not my favourite story, but nevertheless..."

It's been ten minutes, several flights of stairs, and a long stretch of awkward conversation later, but you're making steady progress. Are you very sticky and covered in slime? Sure, but you're also one Goodra richer. Of course, a Goodra doesn't actually have inherent value besides what people are willing to pay for it, and as it happens, people aren't willing to pay much these days. The economy is a shambles. If only you could be money richer instead of Pokemon richer. If only.

"Arceus, where the fuck are these rocks?" You grumble under your breath, looking up to the many more stories you'll have to climb before you get where you need to be. "Why are they so high up this damn tower? And what's so special about them that he even wants them in the first place? And why isn't he paying me for this shit? And-- Oh?"

Your rant is cut off before it can really get going by a shimmering sight out of the corner of your eye. Like a moth to a flame, you immediately walk over to investigate, bending down to pick it up. A crisp Pokedollar? Here, of all places? You guess some sucker must have dropped it here on accident. Sucks to be them, but it feels pretty damn good to be you right about now, because you're now one Pokedollar richer. Of course, given the time investment and transport fees and the cost of dry cleaning your clothes, you're still deeply on the red in this venture, but--

"Ooh!" Your eyes flicker over to another shimmer. A second Pokedollar? So close to the first? Well, who are you to look a gift Ponyta in the mouth? It would be--

"Ooh!" A third Pokedollar? What, did a banker walk through here with a hole in their big sack with a P written on it? This is--

"Ooh!" FOUR Pokedollars? Have you hit the lottery or something? What--

"Ooh!" FIVE POKEDOLLARS?! That's INSAN--

"Ooh!"

Alright, this goes on for a fair bit. To cut a long story short, you spend a good five minutes following this trail of shiny pennies, scooping them up as you go like a hungry bird pecking breadcrumbs. Sure, it's not what you're here for, but it's also far more profitable than fetching pebbles for a broke archaeologist, so really, this is Howard's fault more than anything else. If he wanted you to keep on-track, he should've offered you better incentives.

Incentives like a Pokemon made of solid gold. A shimmering, glorious idol in this dismal and dangerous place. The mere sight of the sentient statue is enough to make your eyes waters. Seeing the loose coins fall from its body and clatter to the ground is nearly enough to make you break down crying. You don't believe in Legendary Pokemon, but this is the closest you've ever gotten. Mysterious Pokemon God of Boundless Wealth, where have you been all your life? This encounter feels magical, like a once in a lifetime blessing. You must savour this chance meeting for the rest of your--

Oh, who are you kidding? There's no way in HELL you're letting this cash cow walk away.

"MINE!"

You've never thrown a Pokeball faster, harder, or with more conviction before in your entire life, and you never will again.

---

Catching 💰💰💰💰💰!!!GHOLDENGO!!!💰💰💰💰💰
june sleigh

"Sounds... interesting," June pushed through her teeth. Arceus above, she really was like these two clowns. Almost down to the slapstick comedy routine that played out on the stairs. Not that it wasn't funny (after the fact, the entirety of that 'fight' had been comedy gold), but it left something to be desired. A lot, actually.

And right before she mentioned that at least SHE was being paid for this, the first poke dollar appeared. 'Shred' seemed pleased, but only grew more excited when he discovered it was not a lone unit of currency but a trail. Speak of slapstick comedy, where was the giant red 'X' on the ground that this guy would stand under, only to get an anvil to the head?

June only vaguely paid attention and followed the man as he cleaned the leftover 'debris' off the ground. Lost in her own head, and picked up right where Shred had left off. Where were these dumb rocks? She hadn't the faintest clue on where the hell to look, since Howard hadn't mentioned that part to her. And this Howard clone seemed preoccupied with--

Holy shit.

"Holy shit."

Who the fucked cared about some stupid rocks?! This was WAY cooler than any stupid old rocks could ever hope to be! June ran right past Shred, and right to--

No, right past the Gholdengo, which soon vanished inside a poke ball. If the delivery girl didn't care about the literal statue of money, then what could possibly get her attention? Nothing was better than a literal golden statue that shed money like Shred shed social awkwardness. Wait. What was that ball-shaped thing right behind the golden statue?

"Look, Shred, look! A Gible!" June pointed right at the creature and looked back to her companion, mouth agape. This... was a reference right? To those videos with the stupid thumbnails of the stupid looking people. She wasn't unironically popping off about a fucking Gible, right? One that sat in the corner, oblivious to the world around it. It was gnawing on a bit of the Sky Tower, a crumb from the main course. It didn't even react to the stimuli of Shred, nor June. Just one look into its big wet eyes told its story:

This creature had yet to conjure up a single sentient thought. It could feel nothing, as that would require the brain capacity to think. More like a plant than a Pokémon. Yet, June seemed enamored with the creature as she tugged out another poke ball and lobbed it. "I don't remember what you caught, but this thing is, like, ten times cooler!"

This was not a law of magnets situation. This was a law of dissolving things situation. And similar solutions dissolved into each other.

-1 Poke Ball. Catch attempt on the Gible

---

Shred

[attr="class","wildtemp"]

[attr="class","wildbgsaf"]

[attr="class","wildtitle"]A WILD SWELLOW APPEARED!

[attr="class","wildshiny"]

[attr="class","wildpkmnbox"]

[attr="class","wildpkmn"]

[attr="class","wildtab"]

[attr="class","wildtabox"] FEMALE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] GUTS
[attr="class","wildtabox"]ENDEAVOR	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]GROWL
[attr="class","wildtabox"]AGILITY	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]PECK
[attr="class","wildtabox"] ---	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] ---

[attr="class","wildtag"]june sleigh Shred

[attr="class","wildnote"] WHAT WILL YOU DO?

[attr="class","wildtemp"]

[attr="class","wildbgsaf"]

[attr="class","wildtitle"]A WILD DRUDDIGON APPEARED!

[attr="class","wildshiny"]

[attr="class","wildpkmnbox"]

[attr="class","wildpkmn"]

[attr="class","wildtab"]

[attr="class","wildtabox"] FEMALE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] MOLD BREAKER
[attr="class","wildtabox"]METAL CLAW	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]BITE
[attr="class","wildtabox"]CHIP AWAY	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]ROCK CLIMB
[attr="class","wildtabox"] ---	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] ---

[attr="class","wildtag"]june sleigh Shred

[attr="class","wildnote"] WHAT WILL YOU DO?

YOUR CAPTURE ATTEMPT WAS SUCCESSFUL!

"...What the fuck is wrong with that Gible?" You ask, so taken aback by the stupid little Gible that you almost, ALMOST, forget to pick up your new money machine. But, after sequestering the infinite paycheck safely into your pocket, you take a few steps over to get a better look at the dragon, and as it happens, a second look doesn't get much better than the first. "It looks like it's been huffing glue. Are you sure it isn't catatonic?"

You prod the beast once, which proves to be a mistake, as its got a hide like sandpaper. You take a sharp breath as your skin is scraped, clenching your teeth as you grip your finger. Y'know what? This is your bad. Clearly, this thing doesn't have any texture on its smooth, smooth brain, so it all had to go somewhere.

"C'mon, that really isn't impressive. This place is completely FULL of dragons. We've seen like, ten of them since we got here. There's probably even one behind me right now!"

...Wait, is there--

"DRUDDIGOOOOOONNNNN!"

"OH FUCK!"

The following tussle is a lot less sticky than your previous wrestle with Goodra, but in exchange, it's also a LOT more painful, and you lose a lot more blood. If you were a rock, this thing would have climbed you ten times over. But in the midst of it viciously mauling you without showing so much as a shred of mercy, you manage to find enough time to frantically grab an empty Pokeball and huck it at the thing's jagged mouth, just as it's preparing to bite your face off.

C'mon, c'mon, please don't break out, please don't break out, please don't break out...!

---

Catching Druddigon.
june sleigh