Wounds of the body had long since been tended to. They were few and minor, just some cuts and bruises that only needed basic first aid to treat, and they wouldn't leave any lasting damage or scars. His Pokemon were the same, with no permanent injuries or deaths - just a few that needed some time after getting knocked out. Nothing stopping him from spending the holidays trying to avoid getting caught under a mistletoe.

But wounds of the heart were a whole other matter. In his efforts to do the job he was given for the first time, his Iron Valiant acted without his control - and killed a Pokemon. Even if it had been a Rocket's, he was responsible for a death.

And that guilt was gnawing away at him. He didn't even think about why it hadn't done so sooner - not that he had any chance of remembering his Pokemon suppressed his memory until now.

Nor did he have any recollection of the other Pokemon his Type:Null killed, though that was censored before he could register it.

So he laid there, trying to get a little bit of sleep, though rest seemed to avoid him for now. The sound of someone walking by caught his attention. The voice, he barely recognized - he heard it somewhere before, but the little focus he could muster gave no result.

"No," was his response - a tired groan lacking in energy. He didn't move much, even as the man adjusted his blanket. He'd yet to eat or drink anything since his memory returned, though a lack of appetite helped with the former issue.

Thirst was harder to deny.

Slowly, Hideo sat up. "Water is fine. If you have any." He wasn't picky at this point, and he doubted this guy was carrying around juice boxes like John Sullivan did.

"Your voice is familiar…have we met before?"

paxton concordas

"Thanks." He didn't have to reach around for the bottle, feeling it placed right in his hand. "Lemonade…might sound good. But water is ok for now."

He unscrewed the cap, taking a sip as he listened to the man (re)introduce himself. "...think we've met before?" He was more asking himself that than of Paxton. "Swear I remember your voice."

Oh well. It probably wasn't coming to him any time soon.

At least Paxton seemed to know him better. "Think it was…half a year ago?" The days were blurring, but he'd been settled for pretty long at this point. Long compared to some other Gyms. "Did Minor League for a bit, then did Major League. Never would'a thought about being sent here though."

Not that he wouldn't be here if he weren't, but going on his own volition was a lot different than being deployed.

Hideo rose up slightly in bed, still slumped on the end of his bed. "...what'd they have you do here? Or, uh, what did PENELOPE LIVY have you doing?"

paxton concordas

Hideo nodded. Right, they'd talked about the Crystabloom flowers that one time. "Guess the flowers ended up being less of a problem than we'd thought," he noted, "since they aren't growing as much now." Which was a shame; his Pokemon liked them a lot, and his Illumina Pokemon had a lot of trouble getting even a single one to bloom now.

Besides, they had other problems to focus on.

What really caught Hideo's focus was Paxton's mention of being a Sniper, of all things. "A sniper? Like, with a rifle and everything?" He knew this was a serious battlefield, but he still didn't fully consider what kind of roles and people the League was deploying here, beyond the small groups he was part of.

Hideo turned his head away a moment when his own involvement became the topic. "I…was mostly just here on guard duty. Patrolling to find people that shouldn't be where they are. I did get into some battles, but they didn't have me in the thick of it."

Apart from that one raid he did alongside Josh Devlin , but he wasn't even sure he was supposed to be involved there. Better to be quiet on that, lest he get a lot of people in trouble (including himself).

"...did you…did you have to kill? Like, people or Pokemon?"

paxton concordas

Hideo lowered his body a bit at the mention of Necrozma; nothing about Necrozma was good, and he didn't like any implication it was doing good - even if it was sarcastic.

"I'm fine." Another short answer, but it was the truth: he didn't have any serious injuries. Heck, he was even approved to get back to working his Gym in a day or two. "My Pokemon are fine too. Some got knocked out, but…they'll be fine."

He couldn't say the same for that Klinklang.

It came to little surprise that a sniper killed people and Pokemon. For a moment, Hideo didn't know if he should actually ask what he wanted to ask, that he'd receive harsh judgment for admitting what happened. "I'm…sorry you lost Pokemon," he said.

There'd be a moment of silence as Hideo deliberated whether to ask his question.

And soon, he made his choice.

"I…one of my Pokemon killed a Pokemon." There was a mixture of relief getting that, but also apprehension - just how would Paxton react to that? "It wasn't something I told it to do…it's just, a Rocket's Pokemon didn't give up, so it…"

He'd leave the sentence hanging; it didn't need to be finished.

"How do you...handle that kind of stuff happening? Killing."

paxton concordas

Good…right. He really did count himself lucky that none of his Pokemon died. He'd been a lot more careful about rushing into battles, and where he'd been deployed meant he was at lower risk of getting a Pokemon killed.

Save for that bunker raid with Josh Devlin , but he was certain that was an accident assignment.

Hideo laid back in bed as he awaited Paxton's answer. He didn't know what he was going to get, nor did he know what kind of answer he deserved for such a colossal mistake.

And the answer he got…was comfort?

As far as he could tell, his Iron Valiant had dominated the fight. That Klinklang was, by all means, down and out of the fight, and his Pokemon would've been more than capable of beating down the Poipole that woman had as well.

"It didn't feel like a life or death situation to me," he answered, looking away. "Didn't even realize she was a Rocket 'til it happened. And even then…it feels wrong."

Quietly, he listened to Paxton explain his coping methods. Hideo wasn't a stranger to letting his Psychic Pokemon poke around his mind, so therapy was something he technically had covered, and he did have hobbies of his own to occupy him.

What did get Hideo to speak was the part Paxton said about Rocket - about them being a disease.

"...already been a lot of a Rockets we got to join League," he said. Eris Halla was the one that stuck out to him the most - one who'd almost died several times because of the actions of more zealous League members. "We do gotta stop them from doing bad stuff, but killing them is just…"

It didn't feel necessary. He didn't want to kill people or Pokemon, Rocket or not.

paxton concordas

"It..I don't think it was." It was hard to tell how hurt his Iron Valiant could be, but as far as he was told, it dominated that fight. "I think my Pokemon took my order too far. That Rocket's Pokemon wouldn't stop fighting, so it just…"

He could've recalled his Iron Valiant, let his Orbeetle finish the fight. He could've trained his Iron Valiant out of using excessive force.

It was his fault that Klinklang died.

Hideo went quiet, listening to Paxton speak - and a chill went down his spine as he retreated slightly in his bed.

Oh.

This was someone he had to be careful around, someone that wanted to kill. The man he was opening up to, was probably one of the worst he could open to.

He had to be careful here.

"...I've talked to some Rockets before. Ones that only went to Rocket 'cause they had no choice. Ones that wanted to get out, and did get out of Rocket 'cause they realized how fucked it was." Eris Halla and Chu-e Choi were the big ones in his mind…

Though the latter went back in.

Paxton likely had Chu-E in his sights.

"If we're just gonna scrutinize them that harshly, and kill them the moment they step outta line, won't that just risk pushing them back into Rocket?"

Treating their own that harshly would make them no better than Rocket.

The anxiety running through Hideo wouldn't be noticed just by himself; his Hatterene walked by, taking a peek inside to see what all the emotional fuss was about.

paxton concordas

"Yeah, I know." His Iron Valiant was certainly the most robot-y of his Pokemon, but it still needed to eat, drink, and sleep like the rest of his Pokemon did. It was just…more rigid than his other Pokemon, far more than his Beheeyems could be. "Even the fleshier Paradox Pokemon are tricky to teach."

At least he got his Scream Tail to stop trying to eat his other Pokemon. "They really do act like newborns…but they got the power of fully-grown mons."

Paxton's history lesson on Rocket did prove educational: Hideo wasn't too familiar with the Amnesty Program. It wasn't too far off from what he'd thought about doing, to give the Rockets that wanted out, a way to get out.

But the way Paxton has talked before, he'd seemed eager to plant a bullet between the eyes of anyone that he deemed traitorous.

If he'd found Eris Halla while she was here, would he have killed her?

Hideo had to consider the possible consequences of Paxton finding out he was supposed to have escorted her to a League Camp to get escorted off the island. Especially with that mention of the traitorous Gym Leaders.

"...I think we're looking at completely different sides of things," Hideo sighed, lying back in his bed. He wanted to focus on the rehabilitation, not killing the people that stepped out of line. "I don't think we're gonna see eye to eye here."

The last thing he wanted to do was kill people. Or more Pokemon.

But he didn't have the energy to argue, as much as he wanted to.

His Hatterene took that cue to walk in, shooting a glance at the man Hideo was talking to before taking a seat on his bed, gently adjusting his blanket.

"...guess my private nurse is here to tell me to get some rest."

paxton concordas