[attr="class","header"]EVERYDAY BY MYSELF I’M BREAKING DOWN

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As expected, his cellmate wouldn't give a certain answer. Nothing was absolute. Either they got out of here or they wouldn't be new that.
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He had already prepared himself for the worst-case scenario of not getting out of here. After all, without their Pokémon to aid them, they were basically powerless. The chances of them escaping were slim to none, the way he saw it.
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The question was, had Elaine prepared herself for such a scenario?
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He didn't ask, though.
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He couldn't.
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Instead, he chose to allow her to continue the conversation. Chose to pretend that the thought of not escaping hadn't even crossed his mind. No need for him to bring both of their moods down.
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"I..."
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What should he say? Should he tell the truth? He hated lying. And yet, wouldn't the truth just bring the mood down? Why must he do this? Why must he ruin things for others?
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Pushing aside the dark thoughts, the ones that made him hate himself, he gathered his thoughts in order to answer.
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"I don't know," he finally admitted.
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He fell silent for a few minutes before speaking once more. "I find it hard to have hope. Sorry, I've always been a bit of a pessimist."[break] Elaine Highland

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[attr="class","header"]EVERYDAY BY MYSELF I’M BREAKING DOWN

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He wasn't sure if he believed her. It was one thing to not have hope because a situation was too much. It was another thing entirely to have never had hope to begin with. If he was being honest, he had stopped believing in hope a long time ago. Even after being rescued from his father's clutches, he went about his days waiting for the other shoe to drop. He just hadn't expected it to be something like this.
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Kind of pathetic, really, that he had found himself back at square one. It was almost like nothing had changed since then. That he was the same scared little kid he had been back then.
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No, he couldn't think like that.
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Nothing was ever set in stone.
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He mentally shook himself, disgusted with himself. He really was pathetic. Why did he have to be so useless?
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"You haven't," he pointed out, his tone completely neutral, hiding away the turmoil inside him.
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At the mention of finding it hard not to lose hope on getting out of here, guilt flooded him. Was it right of him to have already lost hope? No, that wasn't right. Was it right for him to have never had hope in the first place?
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Did it make him selfish? After all, if he couldn't hope for himself to get out of here, shouldn't he have hope he would get out of here if not for himself, for his grandparents?
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"My grandparents are probably worried sick," he said, it taking all his willpower to keep his tone impassive. Impassive like he was simply stating facts.
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Though he had been able to keep his emotions out of his voice, if Elaine looked over, she might notice his hands had curled into fists. It appeared he was more angry with the idea of his grandparents being worried than of being imprisoned here.
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A sigh escaped him at the mention of not giving up hope. He debated what to do. "Without our Pokémon, how do you think we would pull it off?"
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Hopefully, she wouldn't say what he was thinking.[break] Elaine Highland

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[attr="class","header"]EVERYDAY BY MYSELF I’M BREAKING DOWN

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He had always heard that hope was something you gave yourself. Or maybe it was something he had read about. It was another; I couldn’t remember which. Not that it really mattered in the first place.
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Anyway, the point was that how could someone possibly give themselves hope if there had never been any hope to give in the first place? And how pathetic did that make him think that was the case?
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How could he possibly tell her that he had stopped believing in hope a long time ago? Or, better yet, that he had never really believed in hope in the first place. He had never had much reason to believe in it.
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He couldn’t do that.
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It was better to just let her believe that this whole situation was the reason he had no hope.
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And yet, when he did that, it felt almost like he was lying.
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He hated it.
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Hated the feeling of lying.
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Couldn't stand it.
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But it was better than admitting that his father had been a terrible father.
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To his relief, the subject would move on, and he would listen to what she would say. Well, that wasn’t really much of an answer. But he supposed it was better than nothing.
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“No windows, no doors; I feel like we’re princesses locked away at the top of the tower. The elevator platform is the only thing I’ve seen so far, but that too is a huge question mark,” he pointed out, keeping his voice low.
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It was actually annoying how few options they had when it came to any escape attempts. There was also the problem of them having the uncanny ability to know when they were up to no good. Seriously, couldn’t the wardens just fuck off and let them go? It was really sad that they couldn’t get over themselves and let them just get on with their own lives.
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His cellmate's voice pulled him out of his thoughts, and he listened to what she had to say. He almost wanted to groan at the information that she was a detective but refrained. Doing so would only bring forth questions.
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However, the part about hell had him biting his lip to keep from. He didn’t find much funny. Never had. But for some reason, he found that part of her comment funny.
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Maybe because he felt like he was living in hell for sixteen years of his life.
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He wasn’t really sure.
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Well, wherever it was, he decided against laughing. It would be pretty alarming if he just started laughing after all. Especially in the kind of situation they were in.
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“I will try and be more hopeful.”
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Now if only he knew what hope felt like.
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This whole hope thing was easier said than done.[break] Elaine Highland

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