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Attachment Trauma

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park

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played by

King

he/him
23
May 24
Sootopolis City
Uninterested
Rocket Grunt
---
5'10 height
5'10 height
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
awards
3,722 posts
part of
TAG WITH @razz
Raziel Beckett
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 18, 2024 17:01:59 GMT
Raziel Beckett Avatar
[nospaces]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"] [break]

[break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]

After their little computer adventure Raziel just nods about getting food. It wasn't like he had much else to do aside from go back to his room, and he would rather not be alone with his thoughts after their ordeal. [Break][break]

Though as they walk to the Dinning Room there are a few times where he almost goes the wrong way thinking the hall to be some place else. Honestly it was getting embarrassing on how lost he still was in this place, "I swear to Arceus it's like I've completely forgotten my sense of direction too," he grumbles, "Please say that this place is just that confusing, or is it just me?"




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played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,659 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 19, 2024 7:48:41 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","twtgm"]
[attr="class","main"]

"I mean, you have no memories of it."[break][break]

Cillian lets Raziel lead the way, correcting him only when he makes a wrong turn. It was easier to commit directions to memory if you had to think about where you were going, rather than following blindly.[break][break]

To Cillian, who'd helped gather the materials for its construction and who had worked aboard the vessel since its maiden voyage, navigation was second-nature. He could wander it with his eyes closed.[break][break]

But he says, "I doubt it's just you."[break][break]

It was a sprawling thing, after all. Their mobile HQ.[break][break]

Entering the dining hall, Cillian realizes how hungry he truly was as soon as the smell of food hits the back of his throat. His mouth waters. He always forgets to eat when he's working.[break][break]

"What're you feeling?"[break][break]

They join the small line; Cillian could pull rank and cut if he wanted to, but doesn't.

[break][break]
[attr="class","tag"]


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played by

King

he/him
23
May 24
Sootopolis City
Uninterested
Rocket Grunt
---
5'10 height
5'10 height
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
awards
3,722 posts
part of
TAG WITH @razz
Raziel Beckett
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 19, 2024 13:17:57 GMT
Raziel Beckett Avatar
[nospaces]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"] [break]

[break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]

"I guess," he huffs clearly annoyed about it still, or maybe it was just lingering annoyance at himself from their earlier escapades. "Doubt dad would've let me out much anyway with his time here," he comments as they get in line choosing not to elaborate further than that for now. [Break][break]

His mind was honestly too distracted to think about how hungry he was. So when Cillian ask about what he's feeling he just shrugs, "I don't know? Embarrassment in thinking for once I'm improving just for it all to come crumbling down at the sight of one man," he grumbles clearly not taking the question for how it was meant. He's not used to ordering for himself, just going along with whatever is given him. It wasn't the healthiest once he got here as it often left him starving but he put up with worse.[break][break]

It's only when his Bulbasaur prods his leg with one of his whips and says something does it really dawn on him, "Thats... Not what you meant.... was it?"







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[newclass=.leprosearlo1 a]font:10px Oswald;color:#2b2b2b!important;[/newclass]


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played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,659 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 9:43:02 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","twtgm"]
[attr="class","main"]

He doesn't have that kind of power here.[break][break]

Cillian bites back a retort that might inspire dangerous lines of thinking. It's early days yet. He doesn't know how solid Raziel's corruption is, how easily unraveled it might be. Testing the boundaries of what he believed should be done slowly, carefully.[break][break]

Then he makes the mistake of asking a question that could be taken multiple ways, and Raziel assumes the worst.[break][break]

Cillian had been talking about food. Fuck.[break][break]

"No," he says, not unkindly, when Raziel realises his mistake. "It's fine, though."[break][break]

They get their food and find a seat away from the others. It's not too busy right now; the war keeps most of them out of the submarine.[break][break]

"If it makes you feel any better," Cillian ventures, "there's a scenario where you have to fight Walsh, and I folded like paper the first time." His smile is grim. "They can really catch you off guard. But they're not real." A pause, then softly, "Well. The memory was. But all that happened years ago."

[break][break]
[attr="class","tag"]


[attr="class","pkmn"][break]




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[newclass=.twtgm .pkmn img] margin-top: -10px; padding-bottom: 5px; [/newclass]
close tab

played by

King

he/him
23
May 24
Sootopolis City
Uninterested
Rocket Grunt
---
5'10 height
5'10 height
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
awards
3,722 posts
part of
TAG WITH @razz
Raziel Beckett
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 13:53:46 GMT
Raziel Beckett Avatar
[nospaces]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"] [break]

[break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]

As usual when it gets to his turn in line he has no idea what to order. The idea of making choices for himself still felt so foreign and almost wrong. In the end he just does what he used to and just gives a ill have whatever he's having," a nudge from his Pokemon, "And a small salad."[break][break]

Once they take their seats Raziel puts the salad underneath the table for his Bulbasaur to eat while he himself still seems to be getting the hang of using his left hand as his new primary. The young man just picking at the pasta as they conversed. [Break][break]

"Not really, but knowing about it ahead of time helps since I'm going back in with Theo later, kind of creepy how this program could just dive into a memory like that though..." he pauses for a moment as he seems to think about something, "Do you think it could also read what's been forgotten?" he can't help but ask. While he's already been over this with about his lack of interest in getting his memories back he couldn't help but be curious about it.




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[newclass=.leprosearlo1 a]font:10px Oswald;color:#2b2b2b!important;[/newclass]
close tab

played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,659 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 14:07:09 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","twtgm"]
[attr="class","main"]

There's some sort of pasta dish on offer, loaded with chicken and covered in creamy sauce. It doesn't have half the shit Cillian would've put in it if he'd made it at home, but he figures it'll be filling enough to tide him over until he can make more solid dinner plans with Temp.[break][break]

He digs into it the moment they sit down, eager but with the refined grace of a man who'd have his hand slapped for not holding a fork just so.[break][break]

He chews and swallows before answering the question.[break][break]

"Don't know," is honest, accompanied with lifting shoulders. It's a troubling prospect. Was it really so wise to put him through these paces? But if was behind it, surely he knew what he was doing. He'd fucked with Cillian enough to prove that. "Maybe. But I wouldn't be too eager to fill it with data about you. I don't trust this shit, not with the Triad assassinating people. You're not an Avatar," any more, "so maybe you don't have to worry so much, but still."

[break][break]
[attr="class","tag"]


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[newclass=.twtgm .pkmn img] margin-top: -10px; padding-bottom: 5px; [/newclass]
close tab

played by

King

he/him
23
May 24
Sootopolis City
Uninterested
Rocket Grunt
---
5'10 height
5'10 height
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
awards
3,722 posts
part of
TAG WITH @razz
Raziel Beckett
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 14:19:48 GMT
Raziel Beckett Avatar
[nospaces]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"] [break]

[break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]

Seeing the other eat encourages him to do the same, it honestly wasn't until he had the first bite did he realized just how hungry he's been this whole time. [Break][break]

"Fair enough, not like I really want to remember anyways," he pauses at thing as his grip on his fork tightening as if he felt he had said something wrong. It was too easy to see Cillian as the friend he could once talk about such things with. To the point that he's often forgetting that he is also Cillian the Underboss and he needs to watch what he says.[break ][break]

"Please don't be mad," he pleads softly as he shrinks in his seat with his head down. Looking at his plate so he wouldn't have to look at the other's reaction as he feared the worst from it.





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[newclass=.leprosearlo1 a]font:10px Oswald;color:#2b2b2b!important;[/newclass]
close tab

played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,659 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 14:35:04 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","twtgm"]
[attr="class","main"]

Cillian knows enough from his own experience in Rocket what it means when Raziel pales, his grip tightening before he apologizes for... honestly, Cillian's not sure.[break][break]

"What am I supposed to be mad about?"[break][break]

There's a light touch of amusement that's muted by the gravity of the situation. Raziel clearly expects that Cillian's going to lash out, to punish him. It's not funny to him.

[break][break]
[attr="class","tag"]


[attr="class","pkmn"][break]




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[newclass=.twtgm .pkmn img] margin-top: -10px; padding-bottom: 5px; [/newclass]
close tab

played by

King

he/him
23
May 24
Sootopolis City
Uninterested
Rocket Grunt
---
5'10 height
5'10 height
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
awards
3,722 posts
part of
TAG WITH @razz
Raziel Beckett
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 15:00:19 GMT
Raziel Beckett Avatar
[nospaces]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"] [break]

[break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]


"I was put with the Rangers to gather information right?" least that's the story as he had been told. But Raziel is making sure to be honest with the other to hopefully make him understand his line of reasoning. Make sure that there would be no more reason to do anything as he was being cooperative. [Brey][break]

"Not getting the memories back means all that information is lost, please understand sir that is not information I want to withhold it's just that..." he pauses for a bit trying to find the best way to communicate his worries. "I don't want to remember the aftermath of my fight with dad, I don't want to think of the punishments, I don't want to think about being left alone with him when by the sounds of things near everyone I knew left for Hoenn not long after," honestly even if he had his actual memories back Razz would've loved to have forgotten about the first year as it had been the biggest struggle of his life having to figure out how to adjust. [Break][break]

"I know you said that your dad was bad but... But do you have any idea what it's like to wake up and he's there, to go to work and he's there, to go home and he's there all while controlling what you do, what you study, who you talk to, what you eat, what you wear, all without a single break?"[Break][break]

Raziel pauses only to wipe the water building up in his eye, "I already went through that once when Theo kicked me out of his class for half a year but at least then I still had you and my brother and I were still close, I don't want to remember it a second time with my relationship with my brother being what it was and you gone"



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[newclass=.leprosearlo1 a]font:10px Oswald;color:#2b2b2b!important;[/newclass]

close tab

played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,659 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 15:12:31 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","twtgm"]
[attr="class","main"]

"Raziel." Though stern, Cillian's voice is not cold. "Breathe. Slow down."[break][break]

But he listens to it all, regardless of the ramble and in spite of his impulse to interrupt at a few points. It's clearly something that's been clawing at Raziel's chest.[break][break]

And as the one who often put down traitors, it was important for Cillian to look out for the signs. Was he slipping? Was he remembering? But no. It's different than that.[break][break]

"I'm not asking you to remember." He is patient, slow. "I think it's better for you if you don't, honestly, after seeing how the sim made you feel."[break][break]

If you don't try to remember, we'll keep you in our grasp.[break][break]

There's a part of Cillian, a part he tries to repress, that genuinely feels for Raziel as the youth tears up at the thought of his father's wrath. That part of him that had seen Razz like a little brother, like a friend. The part of him he'd stamped out when Razz had betrayed them.[break][break]

"My dad was a piece of shit," he says flatly, quicker, not lingering on it, "but he wasn't with me all hours of the day, no. It was a different kind of control when I was a kid. But in Rocket I still had Theo and Calem and the rest of them breathing down my neck." It's so strange to call them by their first names without fear. "Keep 'em happy or else. I get that much. And I get not wanting to remember what happens when you don't."[break][break]

Their messing with his memory had been a blessing. Lugia's corruption had reversed what his mentors had done to him, and now Cillian remembered it all. He woke trembling and terrified.[break][break]

He'd wish it on an enemy in a heartbeat. But it's hard. Raziel wasn't meant to be the enemy any more. He's still processing that. Whether or not it'll last forever, and whether it's worth it to warm to a man who might just stab him in the back all over again.

[break][break]
[attr="class","tag"]


[attr="class","pkmn"][break]




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[newclass=.twtgm .pkmn img] margin-top: -10px; padding-bottom: 5px; [/newclass]
close tab

played by

King

he/him
23
May 24
Sootopolis City
Uninterested
Rocket Grunt
---
5'10 height
5'10 height
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
awards
3,722 posts
part of
TAG WITH @razz
Raziel Beckett
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 15:31:27 GMT
Raziel Beckett Avatar
[nospaces]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"] [break]

[break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]

Instinctively he listens, because of course he does. Slowing down and allowing himself a chance to breathe fully rather than the short breaths he had been as he worked himself talking about his father. Though when the other seems to agree that it was best he didn't remember he still can't help but worry still, "But what about the information?" he can't help but ask. [Break][break]

He's quiet as the other describes his own experiences with the higher ups. Feeling some comfort in the camaraderie yet understands that their situations were still not the same. "Would you choose to forget if you could then?" he can't help but question as there was an underlying question to it of should he be choosing to remember if the other would keep his own memories. [Break][break]

Though perhaps he is focusing to much about how they're the same rather than focusing that in the end they're different people.


[break][break]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"]



[break][break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]



[break]+
[break]+



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[newclass=.leprosearlo1 a]font:10px Oswald;color:#2b2b2b!important;[/newclass]

close tab

played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,659 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 15:45:40 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","twtgm"]
[attr="class","main"]

"Moles die," Cillian says bluntly, fork clinking against his bowl as he sets it down to answer. "They're killed in action, they defect, they get rooted out... shit happens, is what I'm saying, and Rocket moves on. It's not the end of the world."[break][break]

Besides, he thinks, with you gone as well as Lars, the old guard of the Rangers is falling apart. Let scramble to pick up the pieces.[break][break]

Cillian takes a long drink of water to chase the food.[break][break]

"Yes," he says without hesitation. "What good are memories that keep you up at night? They get in the way. Trust me, I'd know." His eyes are dark. "I'm not going to go picking at any more old scars."

[break][break]
[attr="class","tag"]


[attr="class","pkmn"][break]




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[newclass=.twtgm .pkmn img] margin-top: -10px; padding-bottom: 5px; [/newclass]
close tab

played by

King

he/him
23
May 24
Sootopolis City
Uninterested
Rocket Grunt
---
5'10 height
5'10 height
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
awards
3,722 posts
part of
TAG WITH @razz
Raziel Beckett
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 15:58:59 GMT
Raziel Beckett Avatar
[nospaces]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"] [break]

[break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]

He can't help but tense as the reality of moles was explained to him. Honestly surprised by it,but it wasn't like he has heard many stories of them coming back. "Do you think that's why I got chosen for the job? Was I expected to die?" he can't help but ask as he puts his fork down now though aside the first few bites his food was barely touched.[break][break]

Their conversation to anxiety inducing to keep the think cause and noodles down. He would push the plate towards the Underboss to see if he'd want what was left, if not he'd probably just put it aside to be forgotten about. Just like his own appetite despite his body's own cravings for substance. [Break][break]

Though as the other admits to his own willingness to forget such memories his shoulders seem to relax a little bit. "Then it's okay that I don't...?"




[break][break]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"]



[break][break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]



[break]+
[break]+



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[newclass=.leprosearlo1 a]font:10px Oswald;color:#2b2b2b!important;[/newclass]

close tab

played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,659 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 16:10:19 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","twtgm"]
[attr="class","main"]

Though Cillian immediately shakes his head, proper etiquette forces Raziel to languish over the question for a few more seconds before Cillian swallows.[break][break]

"Not what I meant," he insists, and clarifies, "I just mean we're used to losing our moles in all kinds of ways, so you're fine."[break][break]

Did a part of him wish Raziel was dead, so that he didn't have to do this charade? Cillian finds himself struggling with the answer. Damn Theo for all of this.[break][break]

"You should eat more," Cillian insists, when Raziel pushes his plate away. "Get something else if you're not feeling the pasta. It's a little bland. But you're still healing, you need to keep your strength up if you don't want to be spending time in the med bay."[break][break]

When asked for reassurance, Cillian reiterates, "It's OK if you don't."[break][break]

Better, even.

[break][break]
[attr="class","tag"]


[attr="class","pkmn"][break]




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[newclass=.twtgm .pkmn img] margin-top: -10px; padding-bottom: 5px; [/newclass]
close tab

played by

King

he/him
23
May 24
Sootopolis City
Uninterested
Rocket Grunt
---
5'10 height
5'10 height
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
awards
3,722 posts
part of
TAG WITH @razz
Raziel Beckett
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 16:26:27 GMT
Raziel Beckett Avatar
[nospaces]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"] [break]

[break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]

Raziel simply nods about the whole mole thing, but the seed was already planted. And the idea of being sent as a way to be put out of his misery couldn't help but linger a bit. [Break][break]

He makes a face at the food and the insistence of eating more. "It tastes fine it's just too heavy to keep down right now," he mutters as he brings back his plate and just to play with the noodles with his fork, his stomach growls clearly betraying his claims. [Break][break]

"I wouldn't know what to order... I'm not... I'm not used to picking what to eat..." he admits to sheepishly hoping the other remembered his statement from before about his dad choosing everything, food included.


[break][break]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"]



[break][break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]



[break]+
[break]+



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[newclass=.leprosearlo1 a]font:10px Oswald;color:#2b2b2b!important;[/newclass]

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it's a long life full of long nights

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Hogwarts AU
RPG Unlimited
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The Enroi Region
N:FB
Vyrehaven
Celestial Guardians, AU Sailor Moon RP
EO GENESIS
Code and Crown: An advanced literate warriors cats RP, set in medieval times
Swords Clashing