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Attachment Trauma

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park

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played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,667 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 16:30:45 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","twtgm"]
[attr="class","main"]

He can't dispute that the pasta's pretty heavy; it's why Cillian trends toward such meals. He'd forget to eat half the time if it weren't for Temp. When he does remember, he tries to ensure it's substantial enough to keep him going.[break][break]

It shouldn't surprise him that Pryde had controlled Raziel's diet as much as the rest of his life. That was most parents, in a sense, but at least Cillian could make requests of the servants at Quinn Court. Raziel was just stuck with whatever's in front of him.[break][break]

"Surely you have preferences, though. Things you like better?"[break][break]

It was somewhere to start, anyway.

[break][break]
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played by

King

he/him
23
May 24
Sootopolis City
Uninterested
Rocket Grunt
---
5'10 height
5'10 height
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
awards
3,723 posts
part of
TAG WITH @razz
Raziel Beckett
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 16:46:56 GMT
Raziel Beckett Avatar
[nospaces]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"] [break]

[break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]

"Not really...," he answers feeling pathetic that he couldn't even answer a simple question of 'what do you prefer to eat.' it shouldn't have been hard but it was never anything he had to worry about or had a day in. He knew his favorite dish his dad used to make but that took time and was heavier than the pasta. [Break][break]

"Aside from avoiding bananas since I'm allergic, I don't really have a preference," he says as once again he tries a bite of the pasta though it was clear he was just forcing it down. After saying this one of his Bulbasaur's vines could be seen coming from underneath as it drops off a piece of tomato from its own salad it's trainer had ordered for them. [Break][break]

It makes him chuckle lightly as he puts it on the plate for now.


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[newclass=.leprosearlo1 a]font:10px Oswald;color:#2b2b2b!important;[/newclass]
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played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,667 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 17:00:10 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","twtgm"]
[attr="class","main"]

He's reminded of the stock, instinctive answers he'd give his parents or grandfather when they asked a question he knew they wanted answered a certain way.[break][break]

I don't believe you is swallowed in favour of a more diplomatic, "Well if you don't already have them, you're allowed to start. Don't choke on my account." He nods with dry humour toward Raziel's plate. "I'm not ordering you to eat, I'm suggesting it."[break][break]

That was going to take some effort on both their parts. Cillian in softening his usual brusque manner, and Raziel in realising that Cillian's status as an underboss didn't mean every word out of his mouth was gospel.[break][break]

"I keep some meal replacement shakes in the break room for the long days; help yourself if you want."[break][break]

They didn't taste fantastic, but they were easy to get down and better than an empty stomach, for sure.

[break][break]
[attr="class","tag"]


[attr="class","pkmn"][break]




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played by

King

he/him
23
May 24
Sootopolis City
Uninterested
Rocket Grunt
---
5'10 height
5'10 height
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
awards
3,723 posts
part of
TAG WITH @razz
Raziel Beckett
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 17:23:36 GMT
Raziel Beckett Avatar
[nospaces]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"] [break]

[break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]

"Things are easier with orders, it's just what I'm used to I think, and it's hard to unlearn," he replies as he tries again with the food though the stress he's feeling finally seems to protest against it as his stomach unsettles. Once more he moves the plate away, "Is that enough?"[break][break]

He nods about the shakes but seems unsure about them. Though if he could just drink a meal he feels it would be easier. Though a thought can't help but come up with it all, "You take suggestions so easily when you came here?" he ask curious since the other was as timid as him once upon a time, so what changed to make him into the Underboss he saw now.


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[newclass=.leprosearlo1 a]font:10px Oswald;color:#2b2b2b!important;[/newclass]
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played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,667 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 20, 2024 18:01:16 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","twtgm"]
[attr="class","main"]

On that, they can relate. Painfully so.[break][break]

Raziel seems to come to the same conclusion, daring to question Cillian about before.[break][break]

The underboss looks mildly perturbed, but not upset. He tries not to think too hard on the terrified, stranded grunt they'd shipped off to Hoenn without any of the support system he'd built in Kanto. Theo had manipulated and tortured him, sure, but Cillian had come to care for him all the same.[break][break]

In Hoenn, he'd been stuck with Calem. He suppresses a shiver.[break][break]

"No," he admits. "I did what I was told, same as you. It was easier after Silas died."[break][break]

What must that have been like for Raziel, to be told that they've gone through two Rocket bosses in the lapse of his memory? Cadis, who'd taken a chance on Cillian when he was still struggling to find his footing in Hoenn, had been Silas' successor. Now he was gone, too. Walsh was a middle ground between the old guard and the new, and Cillian found he was comfortable following him. He knew what to expect from Walsh, now. Stay obedient, stay loyal and hard-working and serve Rocket's will, and be allowed to exist in peace.[break][break]

"Rocket kind of... scattered, I guess. Some of us who didn't know where else to go stuck around 'til Cadis pulled us together again, and he wasn't like the Blackwells."[break][break]

Cillian's eyes are half-lidded, his gaze distant with reflection.[break][break]

"He's the one that promoted me."

[break][break]
[attr="class","tag"]


[attr="class","pkmn"][break]




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[newclass=.twtgm .pkmn img] margin-top: -10px; padding-bottom: 5px; [/newclass]
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played by

King

he/him
23
May 24
Sootopolis City
Uninterested
Rocket Grunt
---
5'10 height
5'10 height
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
awards
3,723 posts
part of
TAG WITH @razz
Raziel Beckett
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 24, 2024 6:59:17 GMT
Raziel Beckett Avatar
[nospaces]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"] [break]

[break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]

Honestly its weird to hear about that, Theo has told him about the transfer of power once apparently Blackwell had died. That was a shock on it's own but to hear now that there had been multiple transfers of leadership both here and it Kanto? Its odd and it throws him off and to him it just means that there is a new standard. One he needs to learn how to follow if both Cillian and Theo approved his progress today and finally allowed him out of this ship. "Did you prefer Cadis to Walsh?" he can't help but ask curious if the other had a preference or was this considered to be dangerous topics to talk about? [break][break]

One way to try and distract himself as they talk Raziel decides to use the time to try and practice with his right hand again. Attempting to grab the fork and just move around the food. He has gotten as far as he could finally get a small grip on things, weak grips, but a grip none the less. He wants to question more but he doesn't know what. So far all their conversations have done was stress him out to a point where he couldn't eat the food in front of him. This was suppose to get their minds off what had happened right? Yet it feels like it was making him worse. [break][break]

"Oh I finally got to reading the mystery books you left," he comments to try and swerve the whole thing to something else. See if more light hearted topics would settle his nerves so he could eat again. He had indeed gotten the permission from his mentor about the games and the fictional books, though he hadn't touched the game yet. With his hand being near nonresponsive he couldn't really use it so it was the reading he focused on, "Couple of them were a little convoluted on their so called 'mystery' and didn't make sense, but I'm guessing that's the fictional aspect of it? Trying to overcomplicate something for the experience?"


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[newclass=.leprosearlo1 a]font:10px Oswald;color:#2b2b2b!important;[/newclass]
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played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,667 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 24, 2024 10:22:48 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","twtgm"]
[attr="class","main"]

A dangerous question.[break][break]

Cillian's breath catches in his throat, betraying him briefly before he claws back composure.[break][break]

"No," he says, and he thinks it's the truth, though such feelings are hard to parse. "They're just very different, that's all."[break][break]

Cadis had seemed more idealistic in his visions of the future. Walsh was more practical. It didn't matter if that idealism had once appealed to Cillian; he was a soldier, and his views confirmed to his commander. He's not sure when he abandoned the thought of making Rocket better. Only that he has.[break][break]

Cillian laughs softly at Raziel's criticisms.[break][break]

"They wouldn't be much of a mystery if you could piece them together after the first couple chapters," he points out. "Think of it less like realism and more like... hm. An exercise for the mind."[break][break]

Cillian loved a good book that made him think.[break][break]

The romance novels, though? That was nothing but a guilty pleasure.

[break][break]
[attr="class","tag"]


[attr="class","pkmn"][break]




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[newclass=.twtgm .pkmn img] margin-top: -10px; padding-bottom: 5px; [/newclass]
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played by

King

he/him
23
May 24
Sootopolis City
Uninterested
Rocket Grunt
---
5'10 height
5'10 height
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
awards
3,723 posts
part of
TAG WITH @razz
Raziel Beckett
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 25, 2024 7:06:24 GMT
Raziel Beckett Avatar
[nospaces]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"] [break]

[break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]

He gives a simple nod to the answer about the two leaders, choosing to not go any deeper than that. He feels he has bothered the underboss enough and he doesn't know how much he is pushing his luck with him. He doesn't know if the other is just tolerating him because of their past or if he was just this relaxed around all recruits. Besides talking anything dangerous with the underboss was probably not something he should be messing with. [break][break]

"I mean I guess, but half of them seem to think of such over complicated ways, then the one story of the poisoning which mentions the wrong type of poison given the effects mentioned," because of course he would notice that. He was a poison expert, it was one of the things he studied on his own often enough to try and study his pokemon well and more.[break][break]

"But the others were fun, I tried your romance one too but once they got to doing uhhh... that kind of stuff, I just kind of put it down," he found out that reading about it was just as awkward as hearing about it, "So not really sure how that ended."



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[newclass=.leprosearlo1 a]font:10px Oswald;color:#2b2b2b!important;[/newclass]
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played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,667 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 25, 2024 11:20:43 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","twtgm"]
[attr="class","main"]

"I caught that, too." While he wasn't as knowledgeable as Raziel, who'd taken a special interest in the type, had been his mentor, too. He'd had more hands-on experience with poisons than he'd like. "But it's all for a bit of fun, anyway. Try not to take it too serious."[break][break]

The selection of good mystery novels would be severely compromised if everything had to be taken under the scope of extreme realism. He read the books for an escape.[break][break]

He laughs, sharp and bright, when Raziel goes on.[break][break]

"Not a fan of the smut, hm?" Sharp canines flash with a grin. "You're an adult now, no shame in it, but no harm in skimming past it to get to the end. The twist is the best part: she's actually an assassin sent to kill him. Only way to get his guard down is to get in his pants."[break][break]

He frowns. "Of course, they cop out of that and have them actually fall in love, which is less fun."

[break][break]
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[newclass=.twtgm .pkmn img] margin-top: -10px; padding-bottom: 5px; [/newclass]
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played by

King

he/him
23
May 24
Sootopolis City
Uninterested
Rocket Grunt
---
5'10 height
5'10 height
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
awards
3,723 posts
part of
TAG WITH @razz
Raziel Beckett
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 25, 2024 16:59:15 GMT
Raziel Beckett Avatar
[nospaces]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"] [break]

[break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]

"Hmmmm I guess that makes sense, if they're too focused on realism they can't do their story right?" he ponders about it, he's used to his study books that require everything to be as accurate as possible. [Break][break]

Though he pouts a bit as the other laughs, though its not taken too personally. "I mean this is the first time I've read fiction, let alone that... and I haven't even experienced so much as a crush before so it was a little much..." he admits a tad sheepishly everyday had been so revolved around work he didn't focus on such things neither as Raziel or Razz. "but the twist sounds kinda interesting so I'll try again"[Break][break]

Though there is another matter that Cillian brings up that can't help but catch his attention, "You keep saying I'm an adult but I really don't feel like it, I get that I'm 23 now," still not an age he's used to claiming to be, "But I feel like I lack the experience if that makes any sense"




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played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,667 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 28, 2024 18:47:04 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","twtgm"]
[attr="class","main"]

"Never too late to broaden your horizons." Cillian's fork clinks against glass as he sets it down. A part of him resents how easy it is to talk to Raziel. Like nothing's changed.[break][break]

But he finds himself giving in to that easiness.[break][break]

"I used to think I was broken," he confesses with a low laugh. "Was a long time before I felt anything for anyone."[break][break]

He decides not to disclose that the first person he'd ever developed feelings for was someone they both knew. Most who knew the history between him and Beckett seemed confused, surprised, or disturbed by the knowledge, and that made Cillian uncomfortable in confronting his emotions.[break][break]

Instead, he focuses on, "Emma - uh, you remember Beast Wolfe?" It's bittersweet to think of her again. "She was my girlfr- uh, fiancée, technically. Before Temp. Uh, Beast Quinn. You met him yet?" He doesn't want to get into what happened with him and Emma, so quickly adds, "Anyway, it was really confusing to unpack all of that with her. So I get it. Take your time, is all I'm saying. Had my first relationship in my thirties, and I'm doin' OK."[break][break]

Now. He was doing OK now. He conveniently leaves out the drama, the break-ups, the mess, the tears.

[break][break]
[attr="class","tag"]


[attr="class","pkmn"][break]




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[newclass=.twtgm .pkmn img] margin-top: -10px; padding-bottom: 5px; [/newclass]
close tab

played by

King

he/him
23
May 24
Sootopolis City
Uninterested
Rocket Grunt
---
5'10 height
5'10 height
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
awards
3,723 posts
part of
TAG WITH @razz
Raziel Beckett
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Oct 29, 2024 2:56:26 GMT
Raziel Beckett Avatar
[nospaces]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"] [break]

[break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]

While Cillian finishes his meal Raziel is still hoping the nerves and stress he was feeling would finally calm down so he could eat again as his pasta still only had a few bites gone. Though his right hand tires out before any type of appetite returns, the fork clinking as it hits the table by accident as he tries to gently let go only for his grip to completely lose it. He huffs at his hand and shakes it slightly as Cillian talks just trying to enjoy their talk rather than be annoyed by his lack of nerves. [break][break]

Surprisingly he relates to the whole 'feeling broken' factor all too well. Feeling himself too stunted and isolated to feel that way about anyone be it in a relationship or even friendship as he feels he still isn't doing such a good job. Though he can't help but raise a brow at the other when he says this, "You say that buuuut like.... you were having relations before that right? You were at minimum my age when my parents invited you right? So you at least had those, or is it not the same?" he can't help but question, were the two feelings that different? Least he is pretty sure the other was his age when he first met the scientist in his dad's lab. [break][break]

"Slightly know who Beast Wolfe was, but I've never worked with her before and no I haven't met your husband yet," he informs, "I still haven't been cleared to leave the sub and after what happened with that asshole Walker I've been trying to limit my time outside my room." Last thing he needed was to get into another fight and make his condition worse.





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[newclass=.leprosearlo1 a]font:10px Oswald;color:#2b2b2b!important;[/newclass]
close tab

played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,667 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Nov 2, 2024 21:31:05 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","twtgm"]
[attr="class","main"]

Raziel brings up Cillian's relations with his parents; Cillian had been hoping he'd forgotten about that. He hadn't meant to confess it in the first place. Though he is often a man utterly without shame, he has the decency to be embarrassed about that.[break][break]

He does his best to conceal how flustered it makes him feel, busying himself with a pokeball on his belt so as to regain his composure.[break][break]

"I mean, sex is fun." He shrugs. "Feels good, so why wouldn't I? But, uh, there were no feelings involved until-" Theo, he thinks, but says, "Emma."[break][break]

A scrawny, underfed Zubat appears on his shoulder in a flash of light, and Cillian coaxes her into his palm to set her next to the bowl, inviting her to dine upon the leftover pasta. Raziel might recognize the bat as the Pokémon Cillian had received from Rocket as a grunt, though perhaps he'd also remember that she had evolved in Kanto.[break][break]

"I'm sure there's some new term for whatever the hell's wrong with my brain," Cillian jests, "but I don't know what it is. Don't really care, either. And neither should you. Do what feels right."[break][break]

Wielding his fork like a stern teacher might level a ruler, Cillian points it at Raziel.[break][break]

"Let them push you around and they'll never stop. You'll hardly learn anything about Hoenn Rocket holed up in your room all day."

[break][break]
[attr="class","tag"]


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[newclass=.twtgm .pkmn img] margin-top: -10px; padding-bottom: 5px; [/newclass]
close tab

played by

King

he/him
23
May 24
Sootopolis City
Uninterested
Rocket Grunt
---
5'10 height
5'10 height
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
awards
3,723 posts
part of
TAG WITH @razz
Raziel Beckett
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Nov 4, 2024 8:37:25 GMT
Raziel Beckett Avatar
[nospaces]

[attr="class","leprosearlo1"] [break]

[break]
[attr="class","leprosearlo"]


While there was probably be a good list of things he had forgotten in that first week of consciousness that was not one of them. The surprise of the information deciding to just leave quite the impact on his mind, but it was interesting to learn about the subject he had never touched before. [Break][break]

Though all that gets ignored as the zubat forces itself out. Instantly that topic loses all interest as he focuses on the pokemon. he thinks back to the old zubat the doctor had but that one had evolved, and not only that it also had the same kind of chain his Bulbasaur had. "Is it a baby from your Golbat? Was it born with the chain?" he can't help but ask curiously as he puts his good hand up to hover close to see if it would allow him to pet it. [Break][break]

He pouts at the idea of standing up to his bullies though. "Right I'll get right on that when I'm outnumbered 3 to 1 and can't even feed myself with my right hand," he sasses back lightly as he describes the situation he was in. Then as a reminder he raises his right hand and attempts a fist with a lot more effort than it should take. Raziel intending to showcase his hand was in terrible condition still.[break][break]

"Besides that not sure if you've been bullied before but mine have been the kind to like the push back, I've come to find that they get bored faster when I don't fight back," he informs before just shrugging his shoulders about not learning, "I mean I don't see what I can't learn about it from you or Theo"





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[newclass=.leprosearlo1 a]font:10px Oswald;color:#2b2b2b!important;[/newclass]
close tab

played by

thorn

the Harbinger
he/him
37
october 28th
circhester, galar
demisexual
underboss
the harbinger
I want corruption, I think I'm the devil in disguise.
awards
8,667 posts
part of
TAG WITH @gavin
Cillian Quinn
Attachment Trauma
POSTED ON Nov 10, 2024 8:26:30 GMT
Cillian Quinn Avatar
[nospaces]
[attr="class","twtgm"]
[attr="class","main"]

"She was a Crobat when she died." His words carry the subtlety of a guillotine. "This is, hm. A copy of her, I guess. From the Cloud."[break][break]

Cillian strokes the Zubat idly between her ears as she gorges herself on the scraps. When Raziel reaches to pet her, she shies away until Cillian nudges her gently toward the grunt.[break][break]

"She wasn't born with the chain, no. I had her with me when the bullshit with the chains was going on, and I guess it infected her. She seems OK, though."[break][break]

She makes a noise almost like a purr beneath all the attention.[break][break]

"Not telling you to fight them," he says of the bullies, "just don't let 'em push you around. Send them my way, or Theo's, and they'll learn." A bit like threatening to tell a teacher, if the teacher had the authority to order an execution. "I have," he says of being bullied himself, so nonchalantly it might barely be registered before he goes on, "Theo and I don't have the time to educate you on a whole region. We're underbosses and it's war-time."

[break][break]
[attr="class","tag"]


[attr="class","pkmn"][break]




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it's a long life full of long nights

img
The Shula Region
Hogwarts AU
RPG Unlimited
MR
The Enroi Region
N:FB
Vyrehaven
Celestial Guardians, AU Sailor Moon RP
EO GENESIS
Code and Crown: An advanced literate warriors cats RP, set in medieval times
Swords Clashing