NIKOLAI
HE/HIM
TWENTY-FIVE
CYBER BOY
GYM LEADER
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
TAG WITH @nikolai
NIKOLAI PETROV
les amis [ closed | past ]
POSTED ON Nov 21, 2018 4:21:29 GMT
he remembers the silent doubt, the judgement that came from the council when he first met with them. their eyes were cold and they treated him with a similar temperature because it's more than difficult to trust a rocket beast; it's almost impossible. he might have renounced his ways, fled from his past but he cannot ever escape because rocket won't let him. the council knew as much.
for the longest time, he thought that was all he was ever going to be: a man plagued by his past, left to be deemed nothing more than rocket.
but in the midst of all the doubt is a bit of hope: hope that maybe he's more than that, that he can actually be good again. that's all he wanted and all he could ever want; dahlia goode gave him the chance to.
gilbert is no different. the man might not know of his past but nikolai has a strong feeling that it would not matter, not even know. but he's scared, he's been scared, and he fears it's a sceret he'll take to his grave because he cannot afford to lose someone close. not again.
there's no need to respond to gilbert with anything other than a nod and a smile. the situation is tense and calls for discomfort but he refuses to give it because that's not what either of them need right now: gilbert needs a friend, and so does nikolai.
"i know."
he wants to say more, wants to do more to help but his insecurities hold him back. he bites his tongue, controlling his impulses but not enough to stop words from slipping through.
"i was furious, too. but you have to know that it's not your fault." it's hypocritical coming from a man who blames himself on the daily, but he'll lie if it means helping another.
"if you ever think it is, tell me, and i'll punch it out of you." a joke looks to break through but he's not optimistic. he can't do much else but be there in the moment.
for his friend.
"booze helps."
gilbert valeria |
|
|