mari, ouroboros
any
twenty six
june 25
lavender town, kanto
demisexual
nurse
ace
and i tried to save a life with these diamond hands of mine; but they're sharper than a knife
TAG WITH @marisol
MARISOL SIMONE
[redacted]
POSTED ON Jul 29, 2022 5:24:16 GMT
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SHE'S GONE BUT USED TO BE MINE[break]
tw: child abuse[break]
she's so small. [break][break]
a mewling child, a babe under your care. she's a little clumsy, but when she comes home from school with a smile on her face, it helps to brighten up your dull day after work. two years pass by so quickly with your precious daughter (who looks a bit too much like her father, but you'll ignore it for both your sakes). "mama!" she says with such a beam, holding a piece of paper to show, with all the pride in the world "uhm, uhm..!" her small feet jump into the air - she's seven this year, isn't she? and yet she still acts like a child. [break][break]
"yes, wendy?" you ask. you try to smile, but the weight tugs heavier each day. mother always told you to treat the child gently, treat her well. you've been with her for so long, you love her to death. you'll do anything for her. when she opens the sheet out to you, it's a crayon drawing of a little girl with her ashen hair, cut neatly, holding the hands of a brunette woman with her hair tied up in a high ponytail. "the teacher wanted us to draw our family, so--" her voice chirps up, so quick to climb onto the couch where you sit. [break][break]
"this is me! and--" her finger moves as she giggles "this is you! then! then!" her hand moves again, as does your gaze. "this is daddy!" her innocent voice sings, like she doesn't know what he's done (what she's done by extension, and you can feel yourself vomiting a little as you recall the scene). still, you smile to the little girl who's so proud of her drawing. your hand raises, and you gently caress the top of her head. "wow, it's such a pretty drawing, darling~" you're lying to her when you try to hide the disdain in your eyes. [break][break]
"but why did you include daddy?" the venom is starting to get harder to hide when you ask (she does this every time, you've reminded her not to include him). oh, and she looks so confused when she tilts her head up to you, when she gets so meek and tents her fingers together and when she avoids eye contact. she knows what she's done wrong, right? [break][break]
"because daddy is.. still my fam--" [break] "no! he isn't!" [break][break]
you slam your hand against the couch's arm rest, again. she's jumping away from you, and your brows furrow. you've told her so many times to stop, to stop adding him to her drawings, to stop thinking about him. you tell her to stop asking for where dad is, stop asking where that monster is. but she doesn't listen, and you know you can't blame her. it's that beast's fault for corrupting your precious daughter, who's a little too smart for her age. it's his fault for dying the porcelain heart red. it's his fault. [break][break]
but what can you do when she looks so alike? your heart aches and your stomach twists, with the image of a man smiling so warmly to you once upon a time making the nausea spiral once again. your daughter's words are but background noise after you've boomed at her, and she's scared of you right now, isn't she? you can see it when she looks up at you with the dual-coloured eyes, but she looks so much like him that your hand raises. [break][break]
"what do you not understand?!" you shout, she jolts "he left you, wendy!" your hands grip her shoulders, nails digging into her soft skin. it's going to leave a mark. "he's a monster!" who has weaselled his way into your little girl's mind. no amount of therapy, nor medication will cleanse her of his dirty touch; he's done enough to her. [break][break]
"mommy.." [break][break]
the whimper snaps you out of it, and you glance down at your hands. her skin is beginning to bruise, your nails are digging in too hard. immediately, you let go. "o-oh, wendy.." you mutter, but what can you say? you know you've hurt your child (this isn't the first time this has happened; but you always hope that it's the last) and she has tears in her eyes as you pull your hands back. when things are clearer, and the visage of a cruel, ruthless man is gone, you lean over to pull your daughter into a warm embrace. a regretful embrace. [break][break]
"i'm sorry, wendy." you're so young, such a young mother. you don't know the next thing about childcare (your husband was the one who knew). "mommy got angry. she won't get angry again." you hush her as she trembles in your hold. your breath is shaky when you say such an obvious lie; it's a good thing she can't tell. you hold her, close. you aren't a good mother, but you're trying. you're trying. [break][break]
you have to protect your child from the monster, but sometimes you'll look at her as she smiles, and fear what monster she'll become.
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