It was like training a toddler (he would know). Making promises and not keeping them was tantamount to complete betrayal. In this situation, it simply meant the other wouldn't respect him. What else was new though? Enzo had never respected him. It had been one of the largest contributors to their fights back in the day and Kosei wasn't sure if anything had actually changed since then. Maybe it was worse now because he was constantly teetering between responsibility and guilt.
[break][break]
He'd been trained well in his youth and that feeling of inferiority had never quite left him. Not good enough. Maybe being around Enzo was a self-inflicted punishment, designed to really drive the knife in. Dog.
[break][break]
"You fucking wish," He muttered, knowing he'd only just seconds prior been jealous over his daughters preference for the other man. It was easier when Enzo wasn't the one telling her to do her homework or eat her vegetables. At one time, Kosei recalled being bitterly jealous whenever Enzo did business that didn't involvement, a latent fear of being left in his overly-ambitious dust.
[break][break]
“I’m not the dog here." This time, he stomped on his foot, deciding that Miu probably wouldn't notice. Lo and behold, she didn't. She was too busy talking off the old woman's ear. Eventually, they were set free from the scrutiny. "Old woman gossip a big worry of yours?" Miu was talking at Blue who was trying to barter candy out of her bag by looking cute.

[break][break]

+ vincenzo de luca | m: tricking or treating

[attr="class","pokeclass"]

"I'm sorry, it's difficult having a family like that." He could understand that, maybe even better than most. Though sometimes he wondered the extent of his empathy, he could at least relate on the complications of family. Then again, his family didn't own a massive company. That expectation for him was limited to military life and there were no alternatives. Obviously, that didn't end up the way they'd hoped. Sometimes, he wondered what would have happened if he'd simply gone along with it. Would he have ended up happier, in the end?
[break][break]
Kosei watched her in silence then as she lit the incense, a plume of scented smoke coiling off the end as the planted it in the sand. Despite his disassociation with the idea of a god, it was at least a peaceful sentiment. There was a degree of relief and absolution in this act. There was no way though that he could make up for the things he'd done and part of him didn't think he actually wished for absolution. Bad things happened, that was that.
[break][break]
"That's not your fault though," He said, tilting his head to look at her. "Sounds like you took them for what they were and you can't be blamed if that made you distant." Maybe it was justification, for her or for himself. He didn't know, but he figured it to be true enough. He wasn't exactly an expert, nor was he the person to give insight. His own life was a mess and no attempt to change it had ever blessed him with better circumstances. He couldn't blame his family for that, it was his own fault. That was the difference between them.
[break][break]
"Stop apologizing, it's fine. I don't mind it at all, actually." His eyes followed the whimsical curl of smoke dissipate in the light breeze. "Having Miu around is a constant background noise, but without her around I'm always surprised how quiet it can be. A little lonely, even."

[break][break]

+ @nikita | m: AUTUMN'S OMINOUS WIND (WW)

[attr="class","pokeclass"]

"What so like an accident? You might get lucky though, maybe they'll want to raise it." He shrugged. Kosei only had himself to blame for the shit excuse of a person he'd been with. Even if she did make Miu, in the end. Luckily, there seemed to be very few traits of her shared between mother and daughter. Miu didn't even know her name and he intended to keep it that way. At least, unless she got older and curious.
[break][break]
Being both tired and drinking was a dangerous combination for him. Especially when Enzo seemed like a natural enabler for his worst qualities. "You might not have been, but I was way too damn tired for any of that." He was still too tired half the time. Luckily, she'd gotten out of her toddler stage and had entered school without too many problems. He had the days open now, but that was usually reserved to military work. Maybe under any other situation, he might have offered a disgruntled threat, but he was simply too tired to put up a prickly edge even if the other was being a massive asshole.
[break][break]
"I'm tired, doesn't mean shit, okay?" He scoffed, even if the sips between banter didn't justify how quickly he wanted to unravel. Maybe it was the strain of his own persisting restraint, he wanted to be done with it for a moment like an excess skin he could shed out of. "Not here to fulfill your fantasies, sorry. Maybe ask Cassius to bite you on the ass if you need it so bad." Maybe not the thing to say when he was currently leaning over him with a bottle of whiskey. The sudden tug of his hair was unanticipated, falling like extra weight until a veil of black hair covers his eyes. "You're an asshole."
[break][break]
Kosei paused at that before sitting back. "What if I did? Miu deserves better than a father who feels nothing."





[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

[attr="class","milkcredit"] [attr="class","fas fa-cookie-bite"]

"What you want to deal with that 24/7?" He motioned to the room Miu was sleeping in with a laugh. "I can leave her here longer if you really wanna know what that's like." Enzo had played no small part in helping him, he'd be a liar to suggest otherwise (and he was a bit of a liar). However, he was under the firm opinion that it was distinctly easier being able to hand the kid off at the end of the night. He didn't admit as much because he was selfish and that would probably burn the babysitting bridge he was benefiting from.
[break][break]
"Get my rocks off..." He snorted, shaking his head, "You're stupid. You know that? I wasn't doing no damn thing. But okay sure, I appreciate you, does that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?" Maybe he was going a little hard on the alcohol. It wasn't his fault, he'd been hard-pressed to find a night where he wasn't sober. Thus, he was a little.... out of practice.
[break][break]
"I'm not a light weight, idiot." At least, maybe not as bad as he'd been when he was younger, but he'd leave that to the other's SILENT interpretation. It was a little hard to be taken seriously with a bottle pressed to his lips as it was right then. "And stop calling me that." Whatever authoritative edge he'd been hoping for was nowhere to be found, replaced instead with a grumbled whine.
[break][break]
Luckily enough for him, the other didn't refuse him a drink for very long. Not that Kosei was about to beg for it, he'd sooner get up and find yet another bottle to drain on his own. He eyed Enzo with barely masked irritation at the lack of space that was offered him. Typical.
[break][break]
"If you really want me to bite you, you need only ask. You are awfully obsessed with the concept." After one last swig, he decided he was done for now and leaned across him to place it on the side table, careless to the other's own boundary. "That environmentalist... he didn't give up on his principles so I pushed him.... he hit the ground so hard his skull cracked open. It was very easy."


[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

[attr="class","milkcredit"] [attr="class","fas fa-cookie-bite"]

They worked better together than apart, that was proven fact again and again. Even when Kosei refused to allow himself to think he required any assistance in anything. It wasn't healthy to be so opposed to aid, but such were the age-old teaching of his parents. If he couldn't rely on himself, he damn well shouldn't rely on anyone else. It felt like a near obsessive need to prove more so to himself than anyone that he could handle shit himself. He didn't need anyone to order him around or to follow anyone. He could be a leader, just as much as he was a follower, for sure.
[break][break]
Did Enzo deserve to be dragged into it? Well... no, but sometimes life sucked. Cry him a river.
[break][break]
He could sense Enzo moping behind him, likely not wanting to complain about it much more than the grumbled objection that did slip free from pouting lips. Puppy, he cast an irritated expression over the nickname, even if it wasn't exactly one he necessarily minded too much. "Seem pretty sulky to me." He released Onix from his pokeball. The sand sunk beneath the unanticipated weight. He gestured to the trees, which Onix leaned on until the trees bowed over. They let loose the fruit clinging to their limbs and also bended over just enough to make part of a structure.
[break][break]
The sound of thunder did not escape him. He simply stared off in a direction the other wasn't in a cursed to himself. He couldn't have made more certain about the weather beforehand? "Okay time to speed up the process." He let Blue out and also his Gabite. "You, get more wood. You, help create cover." This was totally fine.


[break][break]

+ vincenzo de luca | deserted island

[attr="class","pokeclass"]

"By... email..." He muttered in response, a little taken aback by that. "That's pretty damn insensitive." Maybe it wasn't something he should've mentioned. "Sorry." He added after a moment, not wanting to seem insensitive himself, though he was more than capable of doing that pretty easily. It kind of made him mad for her. His temper however had never proved helpful in the past and he was certain she needed no assistance in that.
[break][break]
It was not an ugly graveyard, despite the place it was located within. Someone clearly took care of it, or at least made an attempt to. Maybe to that person, death was a beautiful thing. A sanctity as strong as marriage and birth. Kosei's relationship with death felt tenuous at best. A little too close for his liking sometimes. "It wasn't the place I would have picked to meet you again, but... does seem fitting."
[break][break]
He couldn't say he was the religious type, regardless of what anyone said. Maybe he was bleak and pessimistic for that, but the idea of an afterlife or a greater being, seemed too good to be true. "If you'd like to, sure." That didn't mean he was gonna turn her down. There was something even a little nice about the idea. Maybe relieving, he didn't know. Even if he felt like a fraud as they approached the shrine. As she had said, there was incense waiting, unlit. A lighter was place onto the pedestal that held the incense. He handed it to her.

[break][break]

+ @nikita | m: AUTUMN'S OMINOUS WIND (WW)

[attr="class","pokeclass"]

"Just you wait." He grumbled, knowing very well that the threat was really more of an agitated statement that would never come to fruition. It was typical though, Enzo said shit and Kosei inevitably let him get away with it. Was it really so bad though? Was this really full of the wrongness he'd come to believe it was or had he simply equated the other with his own mistakes? As far as Kosei was concerned, it was temporary acceptance of his reality. It was a little depressing how easy it was for him to accept something as it was with grudging futility. Like a tethered dog, giving up after a few pulls.
[break][break]
Enzo never lacked for things to call him, which was mostly an annoyance but not something he could do about. Sure, maybe he could ask him to stop, but that wasn't fucking likely. If anything Enzo would only make fun of him even more. "Oh yes, absolutely seething with jealousy. Just making sure I'm not getting abandoned midway through with my kid if you have somewhere more important to be." He scoffed, rolling his eyes.
[break][break]
"Depends how much candy she eats," She'd get a little bit of energy before inevitably crash in a dramatic heap. For now, she was ready to go. "Trick or treat!" She howled, hoisting the bag up expectantly. The old woman didn't seem to notice her though, she was too busy hawk eyeing Enzo as she blindly emptied handfuls into the bag.
[break][break]
"I didn’t know you had a family!" Kosei sputtered at that, somewhere between sick humor and disgruntlement over the mistake. It really wasn't worth getting upset over what was clearly a mistake. Miu seemed to have it covered though. "That's my dad. He says that's my dog father. So, I guess they're both my dads."
[break][break]
"God... not dog." He grumbled, nearly smacking himself in the face. "Uncle Enzo, remember that?" To think he'd hated that term at one point.

[break][break]

+ vincenzo de luca | m: tricking or treating

[attr="class","pokeclass"]

It was unnerving to have the phantom images of who they used to be staring back at them. For a moment, he could have easily forgotten his sleeping child in the other room and fallen into a time when it was just the two of them being idiots. Their energy had bounced off one another so well, they were two entirely different people but it worked for them. Kosei knew that the reason that changed was his own fault. His choices had repercussions, but he also wondered if it was also inevitable. They were likely always supposed to end up this way.
[break][break]
Kosei cringed silently at that thought. "The idea of you having children is truly terrifying so it's a good thing I prevented certain doom upon the world." Though, in part, Miu felt like a collaborative mistake. He was still trying to figure out how to parents and, back in the day, he'd only had this fuck up to turn to. Those days had been desperate though, constant exhaustion because the baby wouldn't stop screaming and he just wanted one second of sleep or not feeling like he was a terrible parent. He did not miss Miu's baby stage.
[break][break]
It would be so much easier to leave right now, not to face this reflection of a past that may or may not have been good. In the end, leaving had proved better for Miu and he'd never apologize for picking the army over this ichor of death that now followed him. It didn't feel good to leave Enzo or even to suggest the other was the problem because clearly he wasn't. Kosei was and would always be the problem when it came to caring for and nurturing a little girl.
[break][break]
Right then, he wasn't paying attention to Enzo prowling around him like a predatory cat. No, he was drinking away the sense of guilt. A little ill-humored snort at the comment of staining upholstery. Another gulp of whiskey pulled as if to make a point, but he wasn't ready for the pinch of fingers or the sharp, awkward angle of his jaw. It was a slow sort of reaction, already nulled by the alcoholic cloud. His throat worked the liquid down, a drop slipping from the corner of his lips to likely stain said fine upholstery.
[break][break]
Pet. Enzo just had a way of provoking the need to snap, to break every composed layer until he was just as wild as the other man was. That was the point though, wasn't it? That was why he left (part of the reason) because it felt comfortable and easy to be like that, but it wasn't good. It wasn't what he was taught and it wasn't (in his mind) good for his kid. He grit his teeth on that same need to bite down, just to spite the other. More so, he was annoyed the other stole the liquor he was in the process of drowning in. "Wouldn't that be boring though?" He pressed a hand to the corner of his cheek but the liquor had already dried.

[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

[attr="class","milkcredit"] [attr="class","fas fa-cookie-bite"]

Kosei had never once believed himself reliable. He didn't have a lot of faith in his ability to help or guide or teach, not even with his own daughter. He was fully convinced that he was ruining her little by little. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't wonder if someone else could do better for Miu than he ever could. That was simply the reality of solo parenting though, he supposed, never knowing if what you did was enough because there was no one to look to. Right then though, it was nice to see a light brighten in the woman's eyes as he asked her. It was strange how such a simply sentiment could be so powerful.
[break][break]
Had this been a couple years prior, he would have been far too selfish to bother asking or even perceiving Nikita's needs. Sometimes you just need people, he realized over time. Even if he still refused to request assistance ever. "Good, I'm glad." Maybe he wasn't prepared for what it meant to be around other people. At one time, he'd followed the rules put down for him because that was when he was most comfortable. Engaging with anyone on any level deeper than skin was too much. His parents would have mocked him for even requesting that someone walk alongside him. You grow strong and take the world by yourself, it was a simple but lonely sentiment.
[break][break]
There was a heaviness in the atmosphere he didn't immediately recognize. He was still sloppy with social empathy, even social butterfly Miu couldn't teach him that. "That's a lot of responsibility." He said, pausing before reflecting on that. As she spoke, he felt his expression drop a little. It was cushioned between understanding loneliness and sadness. She had lost her whole family...
[break][break]
"Nikita... I'm so sorry. That.. I can't imagine.." It made sense though now, he imagined that the mind could drift pretty far when weighed down by loss, couldn't it? She deserved right then to be with a far more comforting person than him. It was a little ridiculous to him now, lingering grief over someone whose life he had taken. In truth, he could never imagine losing Miu (never wanted to imagine that).
[break][break]
"I can't imagine going through that, I'm sorry." His own family (his parents, at least) were alive and the same rotten, cold people. They didn't change, but he supposed he hadn't much either. "When did you find out?"

[break][break]

+ @nikita | m: AUTUMN'S OMINOUS WIND (WW)

[attr="class","pokeclass"]

This was just like old times. It always was, when things winded down and quieted long enough for him to see it for what it was. Both of them falling back into they way things once were like misplaced puzzle pieces reunited. Kosei knew that despite the other's exhaustion, he was worse off. He could feel the itch under his skin, the dizzy shake of nerves that settled easily into place. He was rejecting that ease though, this was survival. Only it wasn't, was it? There were other way, there always were. He could have easily taken a job that didn't have to end with another losing their life. It was clear to him this was simply the quickest and easiest path to tred.
[break][break]
Along time again he would have plopped down on the couch, laughed like an imbecile because he felt invincible and strong. He felt like the ruler of his destiny, all the while ignoring that he was always waiting on the other's word to spark it. Maybe without Miu, he'd still be trailing after the other like that aforementioned and detested nickname suggested.
[break][break]
"So how was fatherhood, you're still in one piece it seems." It was a humorous joke at least, maybe a jab at the other said: my life hasn't gotten easy. With his other life, he didn't have to rinse blood from his hands or look over his shoulder or wonder what the fuck this tether was that kept him connected to this miserable bastard.
[break][break]
Truly, it would have been easiest to announce he was going to bed. Leave it at that, not address the stink of blood in the air or the question that linked them there. Instead, he muttered, "You still keep your booze in the same place." Sometimes it was humorous to him that a past version of himself detested alcohol. 'Not pragmatic', he'd say, terrified of what might happen if he let go of an ounce of control. Now, he wanted to sink into a vat of liquor. The liquor was, in fact, in the same location and he helped himself to a bottle of whiskey regardless of what Enzo said. He sat back in an arm chair and drank straight from the bottle.
[break][break]
That question grated at him though. "You already know the answer to that." And he didn't want to satisfy him with those words: you were right.
[break][break]
vincenzo de luca

[attr="class","milkcredit"] [attr="class","fas fa-cookie-bite"]