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route 115
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if you could only see the beast
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you've made of me
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Silence is the only comfort she finds, at first, in the space between them. Her hand doesn't move away, acting as a tether, albeit a tentative one. He waits, and she can feel herself holding her breath. Emotions wash over the man's face like a tidal wave into a receding current, lapping at the shore of his mind as he comes up with an answer, a response, anything.[break][break]
And when his hand rises to caress her cheek, the breath she'd been holding is released nervously, caught by the hitch in her throat, the uncertainty. Despite saying she wanted this, there was a very real part of her that wanted to take it back, to reel herself back in, to not go down this path. She'd been here before, vulnerable in a man's arms, looking up to him for an answer, for reciprocated affection.[break][break]
She had been burned before, been set aside.[break][break]
But in Remiel's eyes, she didn't see the same, she saw grief, guilt. But she also saw that same hunger, that same wicked taste of desire that she had. He moves closer and she lets out a quiet breath in anticipation. Their bodies naturally come together, warm hands holding her close while her own find purchase against his shoulder, his back. [break][break]
Although the kiss is brief, it provides warmth in her chest that is real. [break][break]
The heaviness in his voice, however, brings her nothing but conflict. He doesn't move away, however, as the same hand that had held her cheek now runs through her hair. Remiel's forehead presses to hers and she can hear their breathing sync.[break][break]
And there it was. There's someone else.[break][break]
She'd had a feeling, she had seen the listlessness in him, the longing. He had been carrying a heavy weight upon his shoulders, heavier even now than when she'd first met him. But to hear him admit it out loud after their shared moment twisted like a knife, another warning sign, another step she'd taken too far. Her thoughts race for a moment before he pulls away, and she lets him, fingers dropping from their light hold around him. She's studying him until the moment he looks away from her.[break][break]
"I'm sorry. I didn't know."[break][break]
Grief bubbles up in her chest, but it is more than just sympathy. He puts into words the truth that she had been avoiding. She hadn't really moved on either, even though his casket had been lowered into the ground. [break][break]
"I lost someone too."[break][break]
[break]
notes: ...
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