Lex found some solace in his embrace, but it didn’t last long. He broke it off too soon and the question that followed seemed out of the blue. Well, perhaps it wasn’t considering the circumstances and that they had failed to address the issue head on up until this point.

The surprise of the question and its unsuspecting impact on her made her shrink back. Her lips pulled tight, and eyes averted his gaze. The knot in her stomach slowly moved up to her throat. It choked the words right out of her. Lex wasn’t quite sure what to say.

The story was longer than just a few simple sentences. Words didn’t seem to adequately describe the anger, fear, and loathing seeded deep within her. Kaito’s greedy and malicious tendrils and wormed their way through the cracks and crevices of whatever dignity she had left until he tore it apart and there was none. He was a tidal wave that smothered her, and she was lost in the violent chaos, drowning until he provided the only way out – his way.

Lex never realized how fragile she was until Kaito shattered her.

Eventually, she found almost all the pieces. It took time, but she managed. Lex put herself back together the best she could, but she knew it wouldn’t last. She spent a while searching for the last piece. That happened to be the last gift her mother gave her. Her death brought a sense of welcome relief. She was ashamed to admit it but being freed of the burden of her illness was the last fragment Lex needed to grow strong enough to break free.

In reality, Kaito probably wasn’t that scary of a man. Any Rocket that looked at him now would probably laugh. It was the way he embedded himself so deep into Lex’s core that gave him such power over her. He really fucked with her mind, and it showed.

When her eyes met Killian’s again, he was met with a plethora of emotions: sorrow, fear, regret, shame, anxiety, “It’s . . . complicated,” she admitted, as most things in life were. Killian and Lex had their own traumas that they seemed to keep to themselves. For whatever reason, they refused to put the burden on the other. Perhaps that was their biggest flaw, the one thing holding them back from moving forward towards their true potential. Lex knew she was stronger with Killian than without. So perhaps it was time to try and unload some of the burden, help him understand.

“It’s quite a long story, and it won’t be easy to hear. Are you sure you’re ready for it?” The question she posed meant she was willing to share and open up to him entirely. Was Killian truly ready and willing to accept the burden?

Notes: Killian Decker

TW: Abuse, sexual assault, murder, kidnapping

”Fine,” it was a curt response. No one enjoyed diving into their own trauma to relive it. Perhaps there would be something cathartic about it, about saying it out loud.

There was a moment of silence while she collected her thoughts, “Well, I guess it all started when I was young. You know, my dad left and all. Out of the blue, just disappeared. I didn’t think too much of it at the time, I was only about 9 or 10. It didn’t seem like anything was wrong. Hell, I don’t even think my mom knew anything was wrong. It was a surprise to both of us.

With my dad gone, my mom had to work. So, she worked. A lot. I just knew she worked at the casino, I didn’t know what she did. I never got to ask. The only thing she did was work a ridiculous number of hours and sleep in her room. I pretty much raised myself from that point on. I always thought it was something I did. You know how ya think when you’re a kid. I couldn’t figure out what I did to make my dad leave and my mom ignore me. Looking back on it now, I had mistaken her exhaustion and negligence for hate,” There was a small sigh, an obvious amount of regret there.

“Of course, I would have never met you if I had realized what was going on,” Lips pulled into a small smile, that was certainly one thing she didn’t regret, “Anyway, flash forward to a over a year ago . . .” she cleared her throat, choking back that hesitation in her voice, the shakiness that poked through as she dove into the depths of her story, “These guys showed up at the door one day. I recognized them as some of Kaito’s goons. Apparently, mom hadn’t shown up to work. I didn’t know why they cared, though. We uh – found her in the bedroom uh –“ the knot in the throat tightened its grip, the threat of tears at the edge of her eyes, “Just lying there, covered in her own shit and piss and vomit. She was uh –“ Lex shook her head, the tears started coming, “She was so . . . frail. Nothing but skin and bones. I didn’t recognize her, but I could see she was suffering. That’s when I realized my negligence. I just . . . let her get this way,” her shoulders shrugged, arms wrapping around herself.

“They wouldn’t help me they just . . . stood there. 15 minutes later is when Kaito showed up with a doctor and a nurse. They helped me. We cleaned her up and the doctor did her thing. By the end my mom was up and talking to me again. I was thrilled. Kaito said they’d come back tomorrow to check on us. I was . . . grateful. She stopped me from calling you to tell me her story once they left.

She spilled it all while she could. My dad owed Kaito money – lots of money. He couldn’t pay time and time again. Kaito threatened him with us, but the addiction was too powerful, and he thought our lives were more valuable to him than my father’s. So eventually, Kaito snuffed him out and focused us. He forced my mom to work for him to pay back my father’s debt. He held my life over her head to keep her cooperative. She did a lot of questionable shit, including prostitution, work as a drug mule, bad shit. He literally worked her to death. And now that my mom couldn’t work, he’d turn to me. A vicious cycle. He’d hold her life and your life over my head as insurance. She told me to run, but I couldn’t let her suffer. If she was dying, I wanted her to be comfortable. It was the least I owed her after ignoring her for so long. So, she convinced me I needed to limit the ways he could control me,” she shook her head, motioning towards Killian, “That’s when I left you,”

“As suspected, the bastard held my mother’s life and well-being over my head. He wasn’t shy about it either. So, I worked for him. Started out as pretty innocent work around the casino, typical hot girl shit like cocktail waitress and bottle service bullshit. Disgustingly long hours, though. It didn’t last long, apparently my reputation proceeded me. I didn’t want to be a thief again, I just wanted to take care of my mom. I refused, at first. He withheld her healthcare. She suffered. I then accepted.

He’s a manipulative bastard. For a minute there I actually enjoyed working for him once I became his personal little thief. He’s got this disgusting silver tongue. I got used to being manipulated like his own little puppet. He got . . . too comfortable with our relationship once it was clear I wasn’t with you anymore,” there was bitter growl in her voice as she tried to hold the memories back, “But I couldn’t say no. He made me do some . . . terrible things: Blackmailing innocent families like mine once was, planting incriminating evidence on innocent people, helping his goons break into places only for them to beat someone silly or once it was even to death. Hell, I even had to kidnap a child . . . An innocent child,” That’s what really broke her, she still didn’t know what happened to the girl.

“Mom died shortly after that. She was all he had to control me. I’m ashamed to say her death was a relief. It severed the strings, and I became defiant. He could tell his grip was slipping. I had nothing to lose anymore. Him and his goons roughed me up a few times, but that didn’t work. I acquired his books, the ones that defined my father’s debt. He owed quite a bit, but . . .” at this point she laughed, a bit hysterical but this part was the real kicker, “My mother should have been done working for that bastard years before she died. Years. And I should have never had to become his fucking slave. It was all a lie – some sick, twisted power move.”

This is where the anger set in, the root of her irrational and insatiable need for revenge, “That misogynistic, sadistic fucker just enjoyed watching us squirm under his thumb. He killed my dad, he killed my mom, I didn’t want to stick around for me to be next – or let him get away with it. And that’s when I did what I did. My only regret is not doing it right.

I’m scared because I don’t want to die. He keeps winning so it seems . . . inevitable at this point. Right before you found me, I was starting to accept my fate. Constantly running wasn’t really . . . living. It felt like I had nothing to live for and the thought of going back to end this ridiculous cat and mouse game crossed my mind more than once,” her hand reached out to take his as she stepped closer. Lex drew it up to her cheek, pressing gently into the palm of it, “But now I have something to lose and something to live for. Which also means I have something he can threaten. That scares me the most,” she closed her eyes, letting the warmth of his palm seep into her cheek. There was some comfort in sharing her story. In all honesty, she felt a little lighter. It still didn’t numb the pain, but having Killian here with her did bring some comfort.

Notes: Killian Decker

He pulled her close, the warmth of his palm was replaced by the fabric of his shirt as she leaned against his chest. A tight, protective embrace reminded her she wasn’t alone, and she wouldn’t have to be. A bold promise, but Killian had already made it clear by staying in Hoenn that he had accepted her burdens as his own. It was a dark time without him. Even with a storm on the horizon she finally felt that she could see past it as long as she had him. Her king, her everything.

“You don’t need to apologize, Killian,” her head pulled back from his chest to look into his blue eyes. She knew he’d be upset with himself, that’s just the kind of man Killian was. He promised not to dig, and he didn’t. There was nothing wrong with respecting her boundaries, “Kaito’s sick game with my family started long before you came around and it likely wasn’t going to stop just because you fell in love with me,” that wasn’t the kind of man Kaito was. He didn’t just relinquish his power over something because someone asked nicely.

“I’m not as fragile as I use to be,” There was no doubting that her year spent evading his attempts and her ultimate journey to Hoenn had made her grow. There wasn’t really a choice in the matter, “So I’m not running this time, I promise. We’ll take that bastard out – together,” there was a defiance in her eyes that emphasized her resolve to fight, not flee. Her anger with Killian for hiding Kaito’s calls had dissipated, for now.

Notes: Killian Decker

Furrowed brows accompanied tight lips. The last thing she wanted was to impose her suffering onto him. Although, wasn’t that a part of sharing her issues? Was his self-loathing something she would have to accept? Lex wasn’t quite sure she could. For now, she wouldn’t push it. Lex recognized the pain of a fresh wound that would rather not be agitated.

Admittedly, Killian did have a tendency to see the strength she failed to see in herself. She was thankful he wasn’t there to see her at her lowest. A part of her couldn’t help but wonder if his love for her would have changed if he had seen the malleable mess Kaito had made of her. She met his smile with a small one of her own.

Lex leaned into his kiss, deepening it as she wrapped an arm around his neck, savoring the comfort it brought. A new sense of gratitude for his unwavering love made her heart beat faster. It manifested as a slow, passionate kiss that ended with a soft brush of her lips against his as she gently broke away. Her lips remained there for a moment while his taste lingered on her tongue, “I love you, Killian. Thank you,” she whispered, knowing that ‘thank you’ would never be enough to describe her appreciation for loving her – baggage and all.

Pulling back further, her look grew stern, “Now, about those calls . . “ she frowned with a raised brow. There were more time pressing matters to dwell on than her past.

And Killian wasn’t out of the woods quite yet.

Notes: Killian Decker

Lex didn’t move, the hands on her waist locked her into place lightly pressed against him. She didn’t want to move, anyway. He was holding her together more than he probably knew. The anticipation of hearing the messages weighed heavy on her. A subtle tremble manifested beneath his touch in anticipation of a voice she had only been replaying in her head since she left Johto.

Static filled silence until the sound Kaito’s voice threatened to tear her apart from the very first word. Instinctively, she moved even closer to Killian. The hands that gently rested just above his elbows gripped him tighter. The voice was familiar, but not what she remembered. It was more dangerous. It had lost its playfully sadistic tone and was replaced with one of obvious frustration. It seemed Kaito had lost his patience with Killian.

Panic set in at the mention of Hoenn. A sharp inhale made her chest jump and all strength she thought she had found dissolved. Wildly terrified eyes met Killian’s in stunned silence while the rest of the message played through.

See you soon.

The threat hung idly in the air after the message cut off. He found them, and he was coming.

“Killian,” she choked out, the panic leaking into her voice, “W-what are we supposed to do? He could already be here,” they weren’t ready for this, she wasn’t ready for this, “I know I said we wouldn’t run but -“ she thought the threat implied what she meant. Just those three words had enough power to break her. Moments ago she stood resolute in fighting, and now Killian’s arms were the only thing holding her in place.

Notes: Killian Decker

Lex could feel herself slipping through the cracks. She tried not to, but the reaction was involuntary. The instinct for survival overpowered her will to remain resolute. It made her realize just how broken she really was.

But Killian was here now. His strength was infectious. If anyone could rip the roots Kaito had buried within her out it was him. Killian’s confidence resonated through his touch. The firm hold around her waist grounded her, and the gentle caress of her cheek calmed the panic that made her heart race. A hand met his there, holding it in place so she could lean into his touch and relish in the tranquility it brought her. Killian was the only person in the world that had more power over her than Kaito. His love was a force she willingly submitted to.

The bitter reality crept into her mind with his words. They were true, all of them. Lex didn’t want to run anymore. The illusion of a semi-normal life with Killian was enticing. The problem needed to be eliminated but she lacked the strength to concede to the reality. She only knew how to run, not fight. Was her freedom ever really hers to begin with?

Lex was reminded yet again how helpless she felt without Killian. She should have never left him. Things would have been very different, “I don’t know how,” she admitted softly as her other hand slid behind his neck. There was a subtle tremble to her voice. Admitting weakness was always uncomfortable, but Killian was a safe space where she knew his dominating power protected her vulnerability rather than exploited it.

Her eyes bore back into his and he might recognize a hint of desperation that leaked into her voice, “Teach me,” she begged.

Notes: Killian Decker

Killian resorted to humor. Expected. It made her smile, a gentle laugh accompanied his chuckle. He was right, she could be pretty fiery at times. It was the fear and paralyzed her when it mattered. Although, with Killian’s support there may be some semblance of hope of her.

I’ll teach you. Lex knew it was a promise he wouldn’t break. Killian Decker would do what he needed to do to keep her safe, including being the solid foundation she needed to build herself back up on. Lex happily met his kiss gently, letting him set the slow pace. She let herself get lost in it to distract her from the other emotions that had been boiling up. Killian’s love filled the void they left, and she welcomed it.

Notes: Killian Decker