’You deserve the best.’
[break][break]
Cian’s right, and Mars knows it, because this is something he too has told himself again and again since he was much younger. He deserves the best, and believing that has perhaps been one of the only things that has helped him survive through the trials he has faced. What has kept him fighting. What has given him the strength to stand against all that which he must stand against. Damn right, he deserves the best, and he will always have it.
[break][break]
In some ways, he already has it, and this is not conformism on his part.
[break][break]
It’s instead realizing the simple fact that no one else in the whole world could make him happy in the way Cian does.
[break][break]
Realizing that this is perfect, and that perhaps there’s so much more to it than what he has wanted acknowledge in the past.
[break][break]
All this is perhaps why his next words come without hesitation, and why they are accompanied by a gentle smile:
[break][break]
”Then it’s a good thing that that’s exactly what you are.”
[break][break]
The best.
[break][break]
Much more than just good enough.



[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

cian's midbite when the meaning behind mars' words actually hit him. perfect. no one's called him perfect before, at least not in the way mars is, and he isn't too sure how to feel about it.

the first instinct is to simply deflect, to brush it aside as just another comment, but he knows mars well enough to know that he actually means it.

so, he chuckles, disbelieved.

"i don't think i'm perfect, mars."

Martín del Mar

☉

Mars is perfect. Perfect in every single way. Perfect in appearance, perfect in thought, perfect in his actions, and perfect in anything anyone could possibly say. He’s perfect because he’s himself; because even if there’s one too many things about himself that he wishes weren’t there, things he wishes were smoother and nicer and not so full of sharp edges and cracks, all of these negative things are still a part of who he is. They’re a part of what makes Mars be Mars. Perfectly imperfect, for there isn’t a single thing about himself that he doesn’t acknowledge.
[break][break]
For his own sake, this is something of which he has convinced himself.
[break][break]
But, is Cian perfect?
[break][break]
When he says he doesn’t think so, Mars pauses, setting his food aside.
[break][break]
It’s not a feeling he can relate to, because it’s not a feeling he understands.
[break][break]
For both their sakes, he also won’t try.
[break][break]
”Maybe you don’t see it, but I know you are, so I hope one day you realize it too.”
[break][break]
This is not something that can be forced, and Mars knows that. Self-love, confidence, the ability to believe in oneself... these are things no one else can grant.
[break][break]
All he can do is keep reminding him of his worth, and hope Cian one day understands.
[break][break]
Slowly, gently, one step at the time.
[break][break]
”You’re perfect to me, Cian. Just the way you are.”
[break][break]
Mars looks at him, calm, and while there’s perhaps much more implied between the lines, he doesn’t voice as much.




[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

you're perfect to me, cian. just the way you are.

there are only good intentions behind those words. he hears them, understands them, but he still can't fully accept them if only for a singular reason.

he doesn't voice it but he wishes he had the strength to.

then why did she cheat on me?

instead, he nods, offering mars a soft smile before sticking his fork into another piece of steak.

"i can't believe you have the perfect boyfriend."

he chuckles, taking a bite before turning to look at mars.

"i do, too."

Martín del Mar

☉

Not everyone can recognize perfection. Not everyone acknowledges it. Some people just don’t realize what they have. Some make stupid decisions without considering the consequences. Some are just not good enough. Sometimes your happiness and theirs are not things that go together.
[break][break]
There’s countless reasons he could give Cian for what happened to him in the past, but this is not a conversation they’re meant to have. Not yet, at least. Not on this night.
[break][break]
”I can. I’ve known it from the start.”
[break][break]
A smirk is given, and Mars returns his attention to his food, but his words still ring true: he wouldn’t be dating Cian if he didn’t think him to be perfect, that’s just a fact.
[break][break]
Stubborn as he can be, as much as he may struggle to listen and compromise and share control, no matter how much teasing and how many things that could be considered flaws, all these things are part of who Cian is, and while they may change overtime (because people usually do), as of this moment, Mars doesn’t think him imperfect for any of it. There’s nothing he dislikes about him.
[break][break]
’I do, too.’
[break][break]
Does that mean Cian doesn’t dislike anything about him?
[break][break]
”Yeah, you do.”
[break][break]
The words come with a confident grin, and Mars laughs lightly.


[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

so confident that it almost makes him roll his eyes, but it's expected, so he doesn't this time. instead, he leans in to give mars a quick kiss, staying close even after he pulls away.

"i really do. how ever did i get so lucky?"

after another kiss on his cheek, he reaches down for the bag from earlier, pulling out a clear bag of puffy marshmallows.

"this is for dessert, by the way, so hurry up and finish your food because i've been craving smores forever."

Martín del Mar

☉

”Luck had nothing to do with it, babe. We deserve each other.”
[break][break]
While he smiles, these words come with a kiss of his own – one gentle and sweet against Cian’s cheek. He means it when he says it, but while there is also a thought of being perfect for each other, this is one he doesn’t share. There has been too much talk of perfection for one night, perhaps.
[break][break]
Staying close, he watches Cian reach for the bag while finishing his food, but there is soon a pause. The fork is set down, and so is the container, his gaze wandering over to the bag of marshmallows.
[break][break]
These, he recognizes easily enough, even if he hasn’t had any since he was a small child. But…
[break][break]
His gaze then meets Cian’s.
[break][break]
”Oh... What are s’mores?”
[break][break]
It’s a genuine question.



[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

very briefly, cian peers over at mars to gauge whether or not what he says is meant as a joke, but he quickly realizes that, no, he's being absolutely serious. it's kinda adorable.

actually, it's very adorable.

"it's a popular campfire treat. here, hold this."

he extends the bag of marshmallows over to mars before reaching back into the bag for roasting sticks, chocolate, and graham crackers.

"normally we'd just pick a stick off the ground but that'd probably freak you out, so we'll use these."

reaching for two marshmallows, he sticks them onto the tip of the sticks before extending one over to mars.

"hold them over a fire until they start to melt. like this."

Martín del Mar

☉

”It wouldn’t freak me out... Pretty sure most people wouldn’t want dirt to get all over their food. It’s not unreasonable.”
[break][break]
It’s not, right?
[break][break]
Like, seriously, who eats with stuff that has been picked off the grounds? Things like those should be left for TV shows made for boring people who want to vicariously live an adventurous life. Once again, just like before, Mars is really starting to realize why glamping is so popular.
[break][break]
Still, despite his doubts and complaints, he holds the bag and listens to what Cian has to say – taking the marshmallow-bearing stick and watching him as he roasts his.
[break][break]
”Oh, cute.”
[break][break]
It’s like in a movie, but Mars knows better than to say this, because there’s no need to remind Cian that all his knowledge regarding this sort of thing comes from movies and TV. Honestly, it makes him wish he could have done things like these as a kid.
[break][break]
This thought is pushed aside for now, and mimicking Cian’s actions, he moves the stick so the stick so it's just a little closer to the fire. For a short moment, he watches it in silence, and even then, there is still a slight smile.
[break][break]
”...I bet that it’s probably pretty weird to you that I don’t know much about this sort of thing.”




[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

it definitely isn't unreasonable to not want dirt all over their food. he's just teasing, really, and it's cute to how mars reacts.

"nah, it's not weird. you've just never done stuff like this before."

stuff like this — the stuff that most kids experience. it makes him a little sad to know that mars most likely never had a normal childhood or at least one where he was allowed to be just a kid and nothing more.

reaching for two graham crackers and a piece of chocolate, he places the chocolate on the cracker, then extends it out to mars.

"now put the marshmallow here and i'll squish it free."

Martín del Mar

☉

Mars had a normal childhood… for a time. Those first few years of his life which he barely remembers, but that he knows were peaceful and happy even if his few memories of them are tainted by that of the event that put an end to all that. Afterwards, peace and happiness were two things that disappeared from his life for a long time.
[break][break][break]
Maybe later he’ll tell Cian all about it, but for now, he just smiles.
[break][break]
”True. Good thing my perfect boyfriend can teach me about all these things.”
[break][break]
No matter how much he says it, he’ll probably never be able to express how much it means to him that Cian wants to do all these things with him. Things Mars has never done. Things that he had thought he didn’t care for before, but that he’s now happy to try with Cian, no matter how mundane or childish they are.
[break][break]
Things like making s’mores.
[break][break]
”Marshmallow, chocolate, and graham crackers? Now I really am glad I’ll be able to start going to the gym again soon.”
[break][break]
He chuckles, even if it isn’t really a joke, and carefully so, he places the marshmallow between the other layers, pulling it off the stick and squishing the graham crackers together.

[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION

perfect or not, cian will definitely teach mars all these things that he missed out on. in a way, he's grateful to he able to have mars experience all these things for the first time, even if it's a little selfish.

"good. my morning runs haven't been the same without you."

they've been relatively boring as he's grown quite used to running with mars even if he hates waking up early.

with one serving of s'mores now ready, he extends it over to mars, then picks his own stick back up to do the same for himself.

"alright, have a bite and let me know what you think."

Martín del Mar

☉

”Don’t get me started, I miss it so much.”
[break][break]
Nights with Cian by his side always seem to be better than nights on his own, but even when there’s no nightmares interrupting his sleep, the habit of waking with dawn’s first light is not one that’s easy to get rid of. He always wakes up early, and every time he does, the itch to go for a run is one almost impossible to ignore. Especially when going for runs with Cian has made the experience so much better and given him so many more reasons to look forward to it every morning.
[break][break]
He really does miss it, and he hates the restlessness that comes with this.
[break][break]
”I still can’t believe you’re making me eat chocolate though.”
[break][break]
It’s not something he usually does, because Mars is all too careful about things like those.
[break][break]
Yet, giving Cian a smirk, he takes the s’mores and allows himself a rather small bite, savouring it. It’s soft, and the textures are unexpected, flavours blending together perfectly.
[break][break]
”Fuck… That’s actually really good.”


[break][break]

+ CIAN MAHER | MISSION