[attr="class","textwtw"]

Taking it easy doesn’t suit someone like Mars. It never has, it never will, and yet it’s exactly what his current circumstances ask of him. To think of his health first and foremost, to know when to stop, to take a step back when work becomes “too much” and go take a break for his own sake – to go for a nice walk and sit on a bench in Slateport Park while watching his pokémon play.
[break][break]
Mars hates every second of it, of course, and it takes everything in him to stop himself from thinking of all the more productive and more interesting things he could be doing instead of this. But, he sighs, petting the Persian that lounges lazily beside him while focusing on the large cat’s loud purring.
[break][break]
That part is relaxing.
[break][break]
Watching his Glaceon and Sylveon run around together, though?
[break][break]
Not so much.
[break][break]
The pair are two of the few pokémon for which Mars will always have endless affection, and yet the sight of them always seems to bring upon him one too many bittersweet memories and an equal number of concerns. For all of his CUTE CHARM, the Sylveon has become fearful and anxious ever since her death, being extremely aggressive towards anyone who isn’t Mars. Hell, he even was aggressive towards Mars at first, as the thin scar left behind by a deep bite on his hand proves without a doubt.
[break][break]
The Glaceon has also changed from the pokémon that was once his one and only companion, and while ever loyal and ever serene, her distrust of strangers can prove extremely dangerous at times.
[break][break]
It’s why he initially worries when a stranger decides to approach her with his Eevee, but the way Melpomene moves closer and gently wags her diamond-tipped tail proves to him that this is not someone who is unfamiliar to her. One closer look and Mars realizes why that’s the case.
[break][break]
”What the hell…” The Persian’s ears perk up when the petting stops, watching its owner and soon following when he stands. There is no rush, but there’s also nothing amiable or kind about the way Mars looks at the other man.
[break][break]
Unlike the Glaceon, the Sylveon’s reaction is much more hostile, growling and moving to Mars’ side once he’s closer to them.
[break][break]
”Pace.”
[break][break]
What the fuck is Pace Mahmoud doing in Hoenn?

[attr="class","parigidw"]

The Glaceon moves closer, like any friendly pokémon might, so why is it that it fills his heart so heavily to see her approach? As he reaches forward to pet her soft, cold fur, memories cover his mind. The Sylveon was less friendly, backed away and growling, moving straight to the side of it's owner who now joined them. Pace was too distracted, almost, to care.[break][break]

"Sorry for-"[break][break]

He looks up as he begins to speak; to apologise for freaking the Sylveon out, a smile painted in gold from cheek to cheek. It fades as fast as flowing water when he meets those eyes though - eyes he knew all too well many years ago. Amber eyes he'd watched crinkle in joy, that he'd watched get married, that he'd watched grow up alongside him, as dumb young adults. Eyes that, too, harboured a shadow - always had. Eyes who's shadow grew darker now, considering all that had happened. Everything that Pace had left him alone with.[break][break]

"...Mars"[break][break]

Was he even allowed to call him that anymore? It had been two years ago now that Pace had disappeared into the night without a word. It felt like centuries, in some ways, and in others he felt like it were just the previous week. In his nightmares it felt the closest - he could feel that cold wind again. Could smell the blood on the air.[break][break]

What was he supposed to say?[break][break]

He holds his gaze for a moment. It's not surprising that Mars looks at him the way he does - no kindness, no gentility there. Pace couldn't exactly blame him. He may well be the entire reason that Mars is a widower now, why he never became a father. If the roles were reversed, would Pace ever want to see him again? Would he not want to beat the shit out of him until his hands were dyed red? But... would he not also remember all the good times? Everything felt so tainted. Every memory was cursed with an infestation of blood and lies.[break][break]

He decides not to lie anymore.[break][break]

"I don't know what to say. I... don't know."

[attr="class","textwtw"]

There was once a time when Mars was oblivious to the shadows in his life; perfect childhood days spent playing at beaches in blissful ignorance. Sometimes, he truly thinks those were the happiest days of his life, for later on even when the days spent with the woman he loved and those spent looking forward to the birth of their child were darkened by the looming shadows his family casts.
[break][break]
The blissful days had ended too soon and too fast, and those dark shadows have overtaken his life one too many times – consuming even the smallest speck of light left within his heart and mind.
[break][break]
If he still were consumed by those shadows, Mars would kill Pace Mahmoud where he stands.
[break][break]
The thought comes to him just as it has come many times before, accompanied by the painful memories of the way she was lost – accompanied by the realization that they had been betrayed by someone they trusted more than most people in the world. Yet, all the good memories also come; all the reminders of why Pace was once one of the only people he loved and cared for in his life.
[break][break]
”Fuck off.” It’s harsh, it’s cold, it’s cruel, but it’s what he wants to say, because who is Pace to be acting confused, scared, and overwhelmed? He doesn’t get the right to not know what to say.
[break][break]
"Is this where you have been hiding? Hoenn? Hope it was damn worth it.”
[break][break]
If the circumstances had been different, would Mars have been happy Pace got to leave the syndicate?
[break][break]
Yes, and he knows as much as well.

[attr="class","parigidw"]

Fuck off.[break][break]

Yeah. That seemed fair.[break][break]

The darkness of that night had seemed so encroaching. Darker than any night had ever been before, like every star and every reflected remnant of sunshine in the moon had been stripped away. Maybe it was some premonition from the gods. Maybe it was his own guilt, hammered like a nail into the viscous fluid of his mind's eye.[break][break]

He'd missed him too much for words, and it's especially hard to miss someone who you abandoned. Such a recurring theme. How many beds has he left, since, in the middle of the night? Empty sheets, nothing left behind. Starless nights filled with something like regret. Maybe it was a curse he could never break from - all those days spent tossing and turning as a pre-teen in bed. Maybe he was never meant to sleep soundly, or alone. Or guilt-free.[break][break]

"I'm not hiding, Mars" Though it sure does seem that way, doesn't it? And as much as he says he's not, he'd be stupid if he wasn't. The syndicate didn't just have power in Sinnoh, after all, and he never stopped using his real name, never disguised himself. Maybe part of him ached for it to all come crawling back, to be held accountable.[break][break]

"It was never worth it." half-whispered, followed up by "I never wanted to run from you", a little louder. It's not a lie. But it feels as dirty as one.[break][break]

He looks at him then, truly, gold on semi-gold - how dark Mars' eyes seemed now. In their youth, Pace could've sworn the golden light shone the same as his own, brightened up the darker parts of those nights they'd spend together. It hurts to try and look away, but hurts more to see the pain that he's caused. There's a reason he always dreamt of flying - nothing can catch him up there.

[attr="class","textwtw"]

They’re completely different people, and yet even now, there are one too many ways in which they are the same. So many similarities that an all too long list could be made, and right there, at the very top of it, their pride is the first thing they’d probably see.
[break][break]
Pace Mahmoud, too damn proud to hide. Even if he’s well aware of how the syndicate deals with traitors. Even if he probably can imagine what Mars himself would do to someone who betrayed him in such a terrible way.
[break][break]
”You didn’t want to run, but here you are. Don’t give me that bullshit, Pace. You knew what they were going to do to her.”
[break][break]
Even though he wants to remain composed, there’s hurt in his voice; anger, pain, feelings that show themselves as if the sharp edge of a blade – ready to strike, yet doing no real harm just yet. It’s that calm anger, the one that’s much more dangerous than the ways in which he used to lash out as a teenager. The one that so often remains hidden.
[break][break]
His pokémon react to it too: even the Glaceon that had stayed close to Pace now backing away and quietly growling, aware that this man before her is no longer a friend.
[break][break]
But, what is he, then?
[break][break]
Honestly, not even Mars knows that just yet, but the thought of everything that happened back then brings pain, and eventually, he simply sighs – exhausted.
[break][break]
”I’m not doing this here. Pray I never fucking see you again.”
[break][break]
And so, he turns with the full intention of walking away.


[break][break]

[attr="class","parigidw"]

Was it pride? He'd be more likely, in public, to call it stupidity. To say he was too stupid, forever haunted by having a jock brain, too much of a moron who doesn't care enough to try and hide from the dangerous mafia he worked for. In truth, it probably was pride. It was easy for Pace to laugh and play the loveable idiot extrovert, but he was well aware of his fatal flaw. Maybe that's why he pretended it didn't exist.[break][break]

Too damn proud to hide.[break][break]

"What did you want me to do? To jump in front of her myself? You know well enough that if I'd have tried anything, they'd have killed her and me either way. And if I told you..."[break][break]

...and what if he had told Mars? He would have tried to stop it and failed and blamed himself, or he might have succeeded and ended up being killed or punished for the transgression. The Marzáns always got what they wanted, and they wanted Cosima dead.[break][break]

And despite everything, Pace could live with Mars hating him. It hurt and dug inside him like maggots, tore at his skin - for so many years, Mars was his everything. But he could live with it in comparison to making Mars hate himself - and perhaps he did, knowing he couldn't save her. But if Pace had told Mars of the plan and they were still unable to save her... the pain would be unbearable.[break][break]

Yet now, Pace was stuck quietly killing himself. He'd never expected to see Mars again, so he had resigned himself to sleepless nights and the guilt of a dead woman and child on his soul, a woman who was once his dear friend, a child who shared the genes of the two closest people to him. But now he was forced to explore these things in a greater detail after two years of pushing it away. And now he was leaving again.[break][break]

Pace couldn't watch him leave. There was a reason he'd left in darkness - he'd always been awful at goodbyes.[break][break]

As the pokémon at his old friend's side glare at him, Pace accepts the fact that they may well jump at him or snap, and reaches forward to grab Mars' arm. Whether it was the Glaceon, the Sylveon, or Mars himself who bit back at him, Pace couldn't let him leave like this.[break][break]

"Please don't go. Please."

[attr="class","textwtw"]

”What did you want me to do?... You know… And if I told you…”
[break][break]
Through all of Pace’s foolish excuses, through all of his senseless attempts at giving an explanation, it’s the ring of that one single word that stops Mars from grabbing him by the collar and shoving him to the ground. It’s the way it repeats itself over and over in his mind; it’s the way it sounds as if it were the most wonderful thing anyone could ever say to him.
[break][break]
You.
[break][break]
You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You.
[break][break]
It quells his anger, it calms the storming seas of his mind into a lull, and as much as he may dread it in the future when thinking back to this moment, it makes him wish he and Pace could be the way they were before he committed all of his transgressions.
[break][break]

[break]
Verses of Azelf’s prophecy come to mind just as he’s turning away, as if they were reminders of what truly matters. Reminders to think beyond his family and all the things they have done. Reminders that he can be more than what they want him to be; more than what they expected him to become when they took Cosima away from him.
[break][break]
His pokémon growl, wild feline eyes fixed on the Unovan, and near the Glaceon, frost begins to spread over the grass.
[break][break]
”Tell me something, Pace.” Mars too turns to look at him, dangerously calm and as if oblivious to the pokémon’s tension and their threats of aggression. His tone is quiet, like a whisper, no matter how sharp and cruel the words spoken might be – as if not wishing to share them with the world around him.
[break][break]
”When you left… When you found out they were going to kill her and decided to run away, did you think of anyone but yourself?”
[break][break]
Proud and selfish.
[break][break]
It’s a trick, because Mars is sure he knows the answer already: if Pace had thought of anyone but himself, he would have warned him, he would have tried to change things, and he wouldn’t have left them.


[break][break]

[attr="class","parigidw"]

Pride and egotism were a spectrum that Pace didn't balance well - he was well aware of his constant obsession with the self, and as a stupid kid who had worked his way up into the depths of the Marzan's seedy underbelly, it had been at an all-time high.[break][break]

When they had come to him asking him to take care of someone else; closer, quieter, more important than ever before, he'd said yes before even knowing who it was. His own sunshine blinded him, so caught up in the life he had to realise it could affect him too. When it was Cosima, Pace knew that by extension it was Mars' name in that request. Mars' blood on the floor of that room. He had loved her, too, in many ways - but to involve Mars was evil beyond evil.[break][break]

Was it because of who Mars was, or who Mars was to Pace? Even there, in what Pace called his most selfless hour behind closed doors, was he being so painfully selfish? If Mars was a nobody to him, would he have killed her?[break][break]

He's snapped back into reality by the question that runs alongside his own mind, and Pace stares at him like a man who doesn't have an answer. Or perhaps a man who fears the answer he knows is true. Mars is calm, so much so that it hurts more than if he had started beating him. Pace shakes his head.[break][break]

"I... Mars, please, you know I..." A sigh. Mars knows him so well, like a brother and a lover and a best friend all at once.[break][break]

He releases Mars' arm and meets his eyes. Gold on amber no longer, now like heavy darkness on all-encompassing shadow. They were such different men now, like the world had rearranged every part of them. He searches in those eyes for a moment and knows the man who owns them like he knows himself, and Pace knows he can't lie to him.[break][break]

Hateful as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another.[break][break]

"No. I didn't."[break][break]

Like rotted fruit in his mouth: it comes out more easily than he'd expected, but tastes as foul and viscous as tar.[break][break]

"It was just me. All me."

[attr="class","textwtw"]

Perhaps this is exactly what Emilio Marzán had wanted back when he put a hit on his grandson’s wife and blamed it all on their enemies; broken bonds, forgotten loyalties, a Mars who has no one to trust. A Mars who lost the only person capable of making him believe that he could do better than a life of crime, a Mars who lost the only friend who would reassure him as much, a Mars who had nothing but the syndicate.
[break][break]
Perhaps it had been no more than a way to punish them all; punish Mars, punish Cosima, and punish Pace too.
[break][break]
Perhaps he just wanted Mars to suffer.
[break][break]
No matter how much speculation, the truth is something only one man knows, and in the end, it will never be what matters the most.
[break][break]
The truth won’t mend their broken bonds, it won’t make them trust each other again, and it won’t bring Cosima back from the dead. Just like how learning who had actually been responsible for her death hadn’t fixed anything and only created more resentment.
[break][break]
Is that what Azelf had meant? That he should let go of his rescements and instead look ahead?
[break][break]
Right here, at this moment, as he listens to the selfish confessions of a prideful man he once called a friend, Mars comes to the stark realisation that he’s not ready to do as much just yet. Will he seek revenge against Pace, then?
[break][break]
The answer comes in the form of a sigh, and in the way he calls both Glaceon and Sylveon back to their pokéballs, leaving only the Persian that stands firmly by his side – a symbol of his present, not a remnant of the past.
[break][break]
”Then that’s something you’ll have to live with, Pace.”
[break][break]
The guilt, all those feelings Mars lives with as well.
[break][break]
He looks at the man he had once known so well one last time, his stare saying so much and so little, yet still ending the moment he turns away.
[break][break]
”Come talk to me when you’re done running from things.”
[break][break]
This time Mars is the one who leaves.


[break][break]