"Tricks?" Howard sputtered in disbelief as his gaze swapped between the Stakataka and Grigori. The blasts from his Volcarona's attack and Grigori's Druddigon had blasted several bricks away, but they had quickly rejoined the base slowly moving towards Howard, Grigori, and Shred."You mean, besides running away? It's invincible! It can just reassemble... itself..."

Slowly, the Rattata that operated the wheel that powered Howard's brain began to run, and thus his brain began to work. Howard was at his best when his back was to the wall, and this certainly counted for one of those moments. If it had just been him, Howard would've ran away. Unfortunately, he was stuck between Grigori and Shred. The latter would definitely throw a rock at him to prevent his escape.

Therefore, the only solution was to defeat their base.

What a weird sentence.

A random lesson from when Howard was in high school popped into his head. It was a thoroughly Howard Idea, given only a complete idiot would think of it.

"Idea! I've got one! I've got a plan!" Howard said, delighted as he shook Grigori's shoulders. "I've got a plan! It's affected by magnetism! That's why my Probopass was able to get a few of those bricks attached to his nose! Ayer, you brilliant nose!"

Ayer floated there, pondering mysteries beyond mortal comprehension. Was cereal a soup? Such questions were far more important than their impending demise.

"We can make a stronger magnet with electricity..." Howard muttered as he watched Shred herd his collection of trees towards them. "Shred! Zap my Probopass! Hell, get a Xurkitree to do it! I don't care!"

Ayer looked stopped pondering, and looked at Howard, then at Shred. "Hm...?"

---

Shred Grigori Sokolov

...What the fuck have you just walked in on?

What was once your camp has now devolved into utter chaos. Every building that made up your base is gone, and in its place, a strange mass of moving bricks is wreaking havoc on your allies. Golurk is currently being swamped by blocks, stalwart and still as it holds armfuls of equipment close to its chest, trying to protect them from harm. Meanwhile, Quagsire is being repeatedly bludgeoned, and no matter how hard it tries, it cannot run nor hide from the ceaseless assault of the sentient structure. Howard and Grigori aren't faring much better, but at the very least, the archaeologist seems to have a plan - Amp up the Probopass with electricity.

"Alright, Toxtricity! Hit him with a--" You begin, only to quickly remember why that won't work. Glancing back, you confirm that yes, Toxtricity is still lying limp in Scizor's grasp, completely sucked of electric charge. "--Oh. Hm."

Alright, new plan. You can't rely on Toxtricity for electricity, but in terms of other Electric types, you're severely lacking. If only there was some other Electric-type nearby, one that had more than enough power to supercharge Probopass, and one that you knew could easily faciltate the transfer of energy in and out of itself. Like, say, a giant mesh of wires...

"Alright, bud." With a snap of your fingers, you scramble through the chaos of the battlefield, snatching one of the Ultra Beast's cables, and "plugging" it straight into Ayer's body. "Prepare to be SUPERCHARGED!"

THWAP!

...Uh?

THWAP!!

...Okay, third time's got to be the charm...

THWAPTHWAPTHWAP!!!

...Uh oh.

"Howard? It's, uh, not working...?"

---

howard slayte Grigori Sokolov
22 - find a way to bring power to a deactivated power station (Ayer is a power station don't at me), but any instruments or machinery within will fail to work yet.

In the moment, Grigori took hold of Howard's own shoulders and shook them twice as violently. "This is great. Mr. Howard! That will surely stop the building right in its tracks!"

Yet as Shred tried to supercharge the Probopass, nothing happened. A second and third try proved just as uneventful. These things were chock-full of energy, but the one Shred grabbed seemed entirely uninterested in the release of it. Why?

Wait a second. That Toxtricity looked absolutely drained. They liked to take the electricity, and they surely were capable of releasing it. But they wouldn’t do it on a whim. No, there needed to be another thing. Something with electricity already. And a colossal golem currently held numerous electrical machines…

“Brick, cover me!”

Without as so much as a warning, the grunt ran off. Right towards the Golurk, currently in the middle of being attacked by the building. Brick wasn’t as fast as its trainer, but managed to keep up enough to fend off any stones that floated and swung in the air. As soon as they reached the titan, the Druddigon charged recklessly forward. Its head shimmered grey-like as its monstrous Iron Head bought Grigori an opening.

But how to get up? Well, the Druddigon itself would be a good start. He ran up its back and quickly hopped off onto the nearest stable surface. A solid block that crumbled off from the blow, but it didn’t stay long. Blocks higher up on the temporary encasement shuffled down to keep it immobile. Thankfully, this provided the perfect opportunity to get higher and higher.

Only after a few steps and Grigori a final leap. Golurk were tall, but the machinery was only to its chest. He grabbed the first one he could get his hands on, a radio, and let gravity bring him back into the Druddigons arms. “Brick, toss me back, please!”

A grunt of affirmation, and the world shifted. Pulled back above its head, then flung with all of its strength. Air whipped against his face, as well as stone and sand, but the arc wasn’t enough. He was too big, and the distance too long.

His feet hit the ground, and he hit the ground running. Just a little further. Almost there… yes! Back to the Probopass. Without much time to waste, he pushed the device into its body. It practically flew from his hands and slammed into the side of the Pokémon.

And that got the aliens' attention. Black cables snaked from its body, directly to the machine. Static blared from its speakers, brought to life by the electricity that pulsed from the alien into the machine. “Mr. Howard, we’ve got power!”

---

Shred howard slayte

It was so over. So fucking over. The last time it had been this over had been twelve hundred years ago, when a king from Fiore had lit his castle ablaze, only to proclaim that it had never glowed so brightly at night. By the accounts of the king's jester, the ruler was crushed under falling rubble five seconds after saying it.

That's how over it was.

They had no power. The Stakataka was going to crush them. What a humiliating way to die. Few people got killed by their apartments, and Howard, Shred, Grigori would become footnotes in the pamphlet given to grunts sent into Ultra Space to be attacked by jellyfish and apartment buildings and cords and whatever crazy shit was out here.

"Shred, that's the only plan!" Howard shouted over at his colleague. "We can't pull a sandstorm trick again! Our base is a ROCK."

Howard and Shred had tried, bless their hearts. They had tried as hard as their combined college degrees and fight or flight response would let them, but it just wasn't enough. They were fated to die under a mountain of crushed rock. Forgotten. Then, Grigori pulled through. Was it an act of brilliance? Insanity? Desperation? Likely all three, but Howard watched with a widened eye as Grigori threw the part towards Howard's Probopass.

---

Ayer had been pondering the vastness of the universe. Within it, they were all minute specs. Within the multiverse, they had as much significance as the dimension of a grain of iron sand. He was blissful, in his lane, flourishing.

Then, Grigori's plan struck the Pokémon in the back.

"HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM?"

Ayer's eyes burst into a bright yellow glow, and the metal surrounding the Pokémon began to attach itself to its mustache. Within a matter of seconds, Ayer had grown a fabulous metal beard made from various metal things in the immediate area. The three Team Rocket members could only bow before such magnificent facial hair. Probopass mlaunched himself towards the Stakataka, as small bricks of the Pokemon's main body began to break away and attach themselves to the beard created by the enhanced magnetic pull.

"Un-fucking-believeable." Howard muttered as they watched the Stakataka break apart. "It's working! We're doing it!" Dozens upon dozens of cubes disappeared as the beard and mustache grew into a massive curly mustache, complete with an even longer beard.

"This is our chance..." Howard muttered, aghast that this plan was actually working. "This is our chance! Wait..." Howard's eye widened as he looked up at Ayer. "Our equipment is in there. What happens if it gets overcharged?" Realization dawned on Howard's face.

Oh no.

---

Shred Grigori Sokolov

You’re not sure what Grigori did that you didn’t, but you’re not going to complain. All of the blocks are trapped in the magnetic pull, attached firmly to Probopass’ face and unable to escape. In a way, it looks a bit like your own beard when you don’t shave it for a few weeks. Speaking of which, unless you want all those cubes to break free and continue their relentless rampage, it’s probably about time to shave them, too.

Luckily, you’ve got just the thing for this. It’s something you snagged from the Rocket Armouries when nobody was looking, but you haven’t had a chance to use it yet. And, really, what better time than now?

You jam your hand into your jacket pocket, digging through loose cigarettes and crumpled receipts and spare Pokeballs and decades-old nicotine gum, before finally pulling out what you’re looking for: An expensive-looking golden medallion, with a yellow and purple orb inserted in the middle. Apparently, it’s a Mega Accessory and a Mega Stone, the sort that allows for Mega Evolution, and it’s supposed to be Mega Good and Mega Cool and shit like that. You wouldn’t know, since they didn’t really catch on in Galar like Dynamax did, but you don’t worry about it too hard as you slip your head through the chain.

How hard can it be? It’s just about synchronising with the thoughts and feelings of your Pokemon. At least, you’re pretty sure it’s about that. Again, you don’t really know, but you won’t let a little thing like that stop you.

You take a deep breath, and then, you activate the Mega Toxtricite.

…

Okay, so, it’s a confusing experience. Nothing really happens for a few seconds, which makes you think it’s not working. But then, the rock starts glowing, and Toxtricity starts glowing too. You can feel some sort of hidden power surging out of him as he pulls himself out of Scizor’s arms and stands up tall. A renewed font of electricity crackles from his previously drained body. Every second, more power seems to pour forth, and every second, the light seems to glow brighter.

That’s not the confusing part. The confusing part is happening in your mind’s eye. You’re there, and Toxtricity is there, and you’re both in an endless ocean of water, and you’re both melting, and you both slurch into nothing but bones and organs, and then those start melting too, and your brain melts, and your thoughts melt, and the water begins to stir round and round, and your consciousnesses mix with each other, and then you both begin to unmelt into a singular, greater person.

And then, the glow explodes into a brilliant flash. It sears the eyes, then the body, then the sixth sense, then the soul.

And what you see before you go is grim and beautiful and awful and glorious....

---

...Arceus fuck, this is what it’s like in our body?

As the light fades, we take the time to adjust to this new arrangement. It’s metaphysical, but not unpleasant. It’ll probably be pretty kickass when we get used to it, but we don’t really have the time for that now. We just have to settle for a basic pat-down of all the new organs and a few quick stretches, before we glance over to our other half.

Ew. Do we actually live like this? This sucks. Now all the drugs we’ve been doing make a lot more sense. Still, maybe less heroin from here on, yeah? Heroin isn’t a rock drug, it’s a grunge drug, and the nineties were thirty years ago. Stick to cocaine, it’s more fun.

Alright, now where are we…? Ah, there.

Mega Toxtricity is standing right where we left him, wreathed in golden lightning and azure plasma all in one. Yeah, that’s a sexy fucking beast right there. Why the fuck haven’t they put us front and centre on Rolling Stone yet? We’d rock that shit. Way more than all the other posers they’re getting on these days. They probably have Melody Miro doing that shit now. Fucking criminal. Dogshit. Worthless.

Right, but that injustice is not why we’re here today. We’re here to fucking jump these wanker squares, and there’s no reason to delay even a second longer. As soon as the thought enters our mind, it’s already happening. Mega Toxtricity charges forth, multicoloured charge gathering in our palms in the shape of a guitar, before we swing it as hard as possible at the helpless aliens.

The resulting impact sends out a shockwave that rattles bones like iron just as much as it causes eardrums to bleed. It’s pure fucking rock and roll, like they made in the good old days. And Arceus knows it’s going to blow these fucking losers sky high.

Yeah, this goes hard as fuck. We’re gonna call this one… G-MAX: STUN SHOCK.

---

howard slayte Grigori Sokolov
SPECIAL - utilize mega evolution in an advantageous way.

Ayer’s magnetism, alongside the Mega Toxtricity that towered over the area, left Grigori in shock. Almost too much to comprehend. For starters, it might’ve been a good idea to lead with that sort of trump card. If he had known Shred was capable of this, he might not have needed to make a near-suicide run for the Golurk.

But perhaps the combination of the two is what causes the base to break into hundreds of massive brick-sized pieces. His bones shuddered from the impact, and he struggled to remain upright. The boom echoed off the very distant cliffsides. Individual or not, most of it the building flies off into the sky.

Much like the Regieleki had before.

Except this time, the impact isn’t nearly as destructive as last time. It felt weird but made sense upon closer introspection. They weren’t right next to the impact zone. A cloud of dust and debris shot into the sky, perturbed by the sheer force.

They were safe. For now. But was their equipment safe?

Why were the Golurk’s arms suddenly empty?

Grigori looked to the Probopass, and his heart sank. Gone were the bricks and stones from the building, yet there still remained a much smaller beard. All their gadgets and tools looked firmly stuck to the Pokémon. “Howard, how bad is it to attach those machines to a magnet? A really strong one at that?”

Scizor rolled its eyes, simply tired from it all. 

---

Shred howard slayte

"I'm no scientist, but..." Howard nudged the machinery with his foot. He was a scientist, just not a particularly useful one in this precise moment. "I don't think you're supposed to do what we did."

Surprisingly, the machine began to beep, and began printing out a chart on the data they had been sent to collect. Atmospheric pressure, energy readings, the whole shebang. It must've gotten some pretty good data while inside that Stakataka! Maybe this whole trip wouldn't be a was-

The device began to sputter. It began to smoke as it attempted to spit out something that could be considered a chart. Yet the graphs and numbers began to disappear into a smear of ink, before the device blasted into flames, hitting Howard square in the face with a part of the printing mechanism.

As he lie on the ground, stunned, the paper, slightly burned, fluttered down onto his face. He blew it up into the air, unamused, before grabbing it.

"That equipment was worth 9000 PD." Howard told Grigori and Shred as it burned and smoldered. He turned to Grigori. That was pretty impressive though, Grigori! You were like 'zrrt zrrt GRRRRRRRRRR'
and supercharged my Probopass!"

Then, there was Shred. Shred's funky technique had been pretty cool to look at. He had done a cool thing, struck a cool pose, and had helped defeat the Stakataka. Plus, his Quagsire was great moral support. He had been way more impressive in the past few minutes than he had been in Arceus-knew how many months he had known the degenerate.

He wouldn't tell him that, though.

"You were pretty okay, Shred." Howard whistled and turned around, walking to salvage the wreck, and their base. "I guess."

---

Shred Grigori Sokolov

yi1lwCgc

We're not really paying attention to what the others are saying. It's not really part of the headliner's responsibility to care about stagehands and techs, y'know? Too busy rocking out, occasionally with our cock out, all that kind of rockstar shit. Still, they do good work, and we appreciate how good they make us look. That’s almost the same as caring about their opinions, innit?

And it’s time for time to start doing that good work, because our work here? It’s done. The crowd’s all gone home, and nobody’s left clamouring for another encore. All that’s left to do is hit the showers, do a line, fuck some groupies, hit the showers again, and go home.

And there’s no coke and no whores here, so there’s only one place to be going, and that’s literally anywhere else.

”We’ll be in our trailer.” We announce, roughing up our already rough hair as we speak. All the while, our other half meanders over, rubbing its hands together as the spare energy of the electricity disperses through its claws. ”If you need us, call someone else, because we’ll be busy. Smell you later, Feraligatr’s.”

And just like that, we make our very cool and very stylish exit, walking away from what remains of the camp. That coolness lasts for about a minute, until the Mega Evolution wears off, and we both hit the ground unconscious. We can’t really justify this one in any way that’s cool or hip, but we’re still going to try… Something something, half as long, twice as bright?

Yeah, that works. Now, off to sleep. Honk, mimimimimimi…

---

howard slayte Grigori Sokolov
RDvEYx_o

“Thank you, Mr. Howard, but it was the least I could do,” Grigori said. He wanted to actually do something, and so he did. That, and it was his job to ensure the safety of his party members. A little bit of A, a little bit of B.

Unfortunately, they were now splitting up again. Shred… however that worked, had wandered off away from the camp. Howard instead approached the camp to probably salvage what little remained of it. Did he help the person who had no idea how to help themselves, or the one that probably didn’t need it but would want it.

The grunt turned to his two available Pokémon, who had rejoined him in the midst of all the commotion. “Who wants to help–”

Brick immediately started in the direction of Shred, while Scizor furiously shook its head and gave a big, red X. Fair enough.

“Make sure you avoid any more of those… cables,” Grigori called to his Pokémon. Scizor retreated back into its poke ball, fed up or tired, or both. Looked like he was on scavenging duty.

As he slowly followed Howard’s trail, the prospect of yet another venture into this space sprouted in his mind. Surely they wouldn’t send all three of them together back to this hellscape which required people far more capable or intelligent than any of them, right?

Of course not. If that were the case, then why didn’t they send the smart ones to start? “I wonder what hi jinks we will encounter on the next expedition…”

---

howard slayte Shred eFrdojfC