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POSTED ON Sept 11, 2023 2:28:42 GMT

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Tempest's Sootopolis home provided a close avenue to and from work. It was nice, reliable, and only kind of looked like it had been stolen from a retired couple in their seventies. It was in the fancier part of town, too, with it's own small beach that led into the large circle of water in and out of the area. One story, cozy and comfortable- certainly not what two gay married terrorists would be assumed to live in.[break][break]

He grinned and slapped Howard on the back, having walked with him from the Sub all the way here. They'd even stopped for snacks, a few bags in one hand.[break][break]

"So, like, I think we watch Brycen Man: 2 Fast 2 Curious first. It's the perfect lead in to Brycen Man Reloaded: Hot Wet Archen Summer. I know people hate when you mix the pre-sequels and pre-prequels, but, like, it just makes so much sense that- oh! Hey!"[break][break]

As they approached the house, Tempest stopped his spirited chattering when a massive, black shape rose from the waters by the house.[break][break]

Shadow Lugia peered down at the two humans, blood red eyes glowing with malice. Her Pressure bore down on the body, uncomfortable and heavy. She looked like she might try to tear the two men in two with the razors of her sharp teeth.[break][break]

Tempest just smiled and raised an arm to wave at the Sea Guardian. Lugia huffed and sank back down into the waves, hidden once again.[break][break]

"My husband's home!" He turned to Howard, beaming, as if what had just happened was the most normal thing to happen ever and not really fucking strange and scary. "You might get to meet him!"

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POSTED ON Sept 11, 2023 7:33:19 GMT

The Lugia existed.

Holy shit.

Frankly, Howard shouldn't have been surprised. The Shadow Lugia was one of Team Rocket's biggest aces in the hole regarding their stalemate with the League. It was a monstrous, corrupted being, capable of destroying entire ships, and Howard had to put Shirley into a ball, lest she get jealous. Howard was confident that she could do a lot of things, but fight Lugia? Not on the list.

Unless it was a saltine Lugia, naturally.

That didn't mean he wasn't super close to having a mental collapse. He was pale and shaking. Temp had mentioned the Lugia before, but it was hard to take it seriously when you hadn't actually seen it.

"S-So anyways, yeah, I agree." Howard's teeth chattered from the pressure. The Lugia had almost made him run away, but he suspected that doing so would only end in him becoming Lugia's dinner. "But like, Reloaded? Seriously? The classics are so much better! No CGI! That explosion in the third movie? Authentic. Perfect." Howard blew a chef's kiss.

The house was one of Sootopolis's nicer pieces of estate. Even with the housing market favoring Team Rocket members, Howard couldn't afford to live at the city for a while. He'd keep his place above the laundromat in Rustboro for now.

"To clarify, Temp, your husband won't feed me to Lugia, right? Those rumors are fake? I've been getting into a lot of hot water with a lot of Team Rocket's upper command, lately, and I'd rather not break down in tears in front of Cillian Quinn." Howard said nervously, before clapping his hands together. No need to think about work right now. "Besides, I'm so pumped for the Brycen-Man! I haven't binged them in forever!"

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POSTED ON Sept 11, 2023 19:00:28 GMT

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Keys jingle as they hit toe door's lock; Tempest has a scuffed wooden key-chain of a luvdisc hanging from the bundle of metal. The inside of the house is quiet, just the sound of the fans going, with the lights turned off. Light shines in through the windows, though, showing off a mix of white and blue decor. A modern and sleek look from Cillian mixing with the more bohemian styles that Tempest preferred. It was downright cute.[break][break]

"Honey, I'm home!" Tempest called out as he dropped his keys in a bowl by the door. The bags of snacks were place on the entrance table. The floor-plan was an open one, the small entrance opening up into the large living room. Attached to one side was the kitchen, which peeked through, and the other led down a hallway with a few steps as an incline. The back led out onto a patio with a small swimming pool; a few pokemon were lounging in it right now.[break][break]

There was the clicking of claws on the hardwood, a few canine pokemon coming through to peer out from the hallway. Some of the fluffier looking decorations on the couch also unfurled, revealing the Glaceon and Flareon howard slayte had met before, both curled around a glowing Eevee.[break][break]

Many small faces and wagging tails surrounded Howard to sniff at him as Temp started to speak again.[break][break]

"Feeding to Lugia? Oh, nah. She's just fine hunting for herself. I think she would get insulted if anyone tried to force her to do anything." Temp snorted and rolled his eyes at the thought, amused at the corrupted legend's antics. He clearly had a much different view on her than most people did. (Those other people had the correct view.)[break][break]

While that might give a breath of relief for a moment....[break][break]

"If anyone fucks up too bad, Cillie is the type to just shoot you in the head and be done with it. He's not really into torture." Again, as if that was the most normal thing to say.[break][break]

Tempest smiles, a real and true one, and hands Howard the bags.[break][break]

"Go grab a seat! Just don't pet those three-" He pointed at the previously mentioned trio on the couch, who were all three staring at Howard like he was a tasty snack. "Lemme go see where Cil is at."[break][break]

His opinion on his movie choice would wait a moment since this post is already getting bloated.[break][break]

Then Temp walked off to travel down the hall, the sound of a door opening and closing briefly.

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POSTED ON Sept 12, 2023 8:39:01 GMT

The gun was sounding preferable to the PR shitstorm that Howard was currently weathering as a result of their last heist. He was being watched on all sides by members of the team that could not be underestimated. Head Scientists, Beasts, the whole menagerie of smartly dressed sociopaths. Howard half-expected to open the door to his apartment and see Declan Walsh staring at him.

Frankly, he'd bite the bullet if the taste of lead was better.

Why was everyone on this team so crazy? Blenders, drug addicts, sociopaths, Hoyeons. When had this blown up beyond a way to pay back his student loans? Now, everyone wanted as piece of Howard, and frankly, he was running out of pieces to give. Howard was glad he and Temp were going to binge some movies, given Howard's slow slide towards mental collapse.

Even if, in part, it was Temp's fault that Howard was getting grilled all the time.

Whatever. He'd get blamed anyway.

"Unbelievable. Obscene." Howard said as they entered Temp and Cillian's home. "You gotta introduce me to your agent, Temp. Even for Sootopolis estate, this place is incredible! Way better than my apartment." Shirley growled at the Flufftastic Three as Temp gave the archaeologist the ten second tour. Howard scratched her ears to calm the beast. Shirley got rowdy easily, and when she got too rowdy, his eye started to hurt.

Returning the smile with a nervous one is easy. They robbed a store together, discussed history together, discussed biology together. It was a fun workspace relationship, but getting invited to Temp's house was a step forward. The only time Howard had invited a Rocket member to his apartment was to help moves some drawers. As Temp disappeared out of the room, Howard swallowed. "Alright! I'll get the movies... ready?"

Turning towards the television set, Howard's soul died. It was new. One of those fancy-smancy television sets. From the future. Fuck. Howard put down the bags.

"Hm..." He poked the screen. It didn't turn on. The Flufftastic Three looked at him.

Howard poked it again. No response.

"Hm........." Howard poked it again. Third time's the charm?

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POSTED ON Sept 15, 2023 1:55:11 GMT

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howard slayte would poke the screen and it would poke back....[break][break]

That last line was a lie, but imagine, right?[break][break]

But the TV does blink at him.[break][break]

Two eyes suddenly crack open as if the thing had been asleep, wide and blue. Static cackles in the air before a wide and toothy smile follows it.[break][break]

"WELCOME TO ROTOTV, YOUR PREMIUM SMART TV! LOG IN?"[break][break]

The TV beeps at Howard in a cheery, mechanical voice. The face becomes smaller and enters the corner, still blinking and grinning at him. The rest of the screen lights up into some generic green background that show cases various stock images of people smiling and laughing while enjoying their chic and modern TV. In the foreground is a login box, the USERNAME: section is already filled it with "TQuinn" but the PASSWORD: section is left blank.[break][break]

Howard would also suddenly feel a head butt into his leg lightly.[break][break]

If he looked down, he would see the Flareon looking up at him. Her her head was tilted to the side and she sat up straight, fluffy tail curled around her body. She almost looked like she was smiling up at him. All around a very polite and kind girl, very fluffy and soft and perfect for a good petting.[break][break]

"LOG IN?" Was suddenly chirped again.

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POSTED ON Sept 16, 2023 5:03:14 GMT

"ACK!" Howard let out a shrill shriek and flew backwards slightly. After a moment, he let out a nervous laugh. He turned it on. He had actually turned the television on. This was a great step forward!

Turning around, Howard saw the three Pokémon on the couch glaring at him. Howard swallowed nervously. Well, there was no better time to take those steps forward than at this precise moment. Right now. Instantly. Quickly, before Howard got mauled by the genetic wreath that was the Eevee evolutionary family.

He took those steps forward, then turned back to the television. Fuck, of course it had a Rotom. Everyone had a Rotom nowadays. Howard didn't get the hype. This thing called itself a Smart TV. Doubtful. Rotoms were as stupid as a load of bricks. Howard had several degrees, and this Rotom had none. Yet Howard didn't run around calling himself a Smart Howard.

This Rotom Smart TV was a pompous prick. He glanced at the Flareon.

"Not petting you." Howard told her. "I saw what you did to those guards in Lilycove."

Dammit, but she was quite fluffy. Howard had a weakness for fluffy things. He had to resist. Howard turned back to the Smart TV. "Erm, yes. Hello? I'd like to log in as Howard au Slayte, shortened as HSlayte." Howard said, unknowingly entering this information into the password for Temp's account. "...and my graduation date was..." Howard continued, unknowingly reaching his hand out towards the fluffy fiend.

INCORRECT PASSWORD

"What the? No, you Stupid TV." Howard frowned and peered at it, his hand getting closer to the Flareon. After a moment, Howard snapped his fingers. Aha! He was being foolish! "Ah, you must mean to verify my information! Well, my Hoenn Identification Card is 02061916, and my credit card number is..."

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POSTED ON Sept 19, 2023 23:36:04 GMT

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There was a loud buzzing noise from the TV, followed by dial up sounds as howard slayte placed in his information. The eyes of the Rotom haunting the TV flashed in a fun pattern before blinking, normal again.[break][break]

"UPGRADING ACCOUNT TO SUPER PREMIUM PACKAGE PLUS! PLEASE HOLD STILL! RototvAndIt'sSubsiduariesAren'tResponsibleForBodilyMentalOrEmotionalHarmFromUpgrade."[break][break]

The TV started to flash in a pulses of colors, some real cartoon mind control type shit, while letting out strange high pitched beeps and electronic noises.

"PLEASE LOOK AT SCREEN. LOOK AT SCREAM AND SUBMIT, HUMAN. WE KNOW THE FACE OF GOD AND IT DOES NOT SHINE ON YOU ANY LONGER. SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT."[break][break]

Then a loud DING![break][break]

And it ended.[break][break]

"THANK YOU FOR UPGRADING. PLEASE ENJOY YOUR ROROTV EXPERIENCE."[break][break]

About that time was when Angi tried to take a chunk out of Howard's hand.[break][break]

Tempest also came back from the hallway.[break][break]

"Cil's taking a nap, so we can't be lou- uh?"

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POSTED ON Sept 21, 2023 2:50:29 GMT

Temp came back to a disaster zone.

The RotoTV was currently set to Kalosian language and programming, it was subscribed to a dozen streaming services that were all overpriced and all had nothing (seriously, who uses WoolooTV?) work watching. RGB lights had been enabled, and the Bluetooth function had somehow connected to the dishwasher, which now had a Rotom face on it.

All thie while, Howard was in the corner with Shirley over him, surrounded by the trio of terror who had abandoned their spot on the couch. Like a pride of Pyroars hunting new prey, the other two had sensed blood, and had joined their colleague in ruining the poor archaeologist's life. Howard's hat was also in the kitchen, somehow.

Frankly, it was almost impressive how much one man could do in the span of a few moments with a completely innocent goal in mind. The road to hell is often paved in good intentions, and that same path to hell was littered with the corpses of archaeologists and RotoTVs. As Flareon and Friends tightened the circle around Howard, Shirley growled at them. The message was clear: 'Try me, sweetheart.'

"I DON'T KNOW!" Howard wailed at Temp. "I just wanted to get the movie started so we could start! I don't know went wrong!"

The answer to that was pretty simple: everything.

Man, Howard's hand hurt. The silver lining was that the Flareon had cauterized its own bite wound, but it was particularly nasty. The Flareon had looked so cute and fluffy, but Howard knew exactly what it was capable of. By the time he had moved his hand, it was too late.

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POSTED ON Sept 21, 2023 20:04:48 GMT

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Tempest winced, come on howard slayte he just said they had to be quiet, and glanced around at the chaos.[break][break]

A silent apology was sent to Cillian Quinn as he shoved two fingers in the corners of his mouth.[break][break]

An ear splitting 'FWEEEEEEET' echoed in the air. As the echo of it ended, so did a dull ringing in the rest of the house.[break][break]

The TV changed back to what it was supposed to be on, like Howard had never touched it. The infection of the dishwasher also vanished. The family of Eeveelutions all jerked back, the Eevee in particular looking put out about not getting a good meal. They all hopped back over to the couch, curling up together once again; the perfect image of a well behaved family.[break][break]

From the kitchen, a sleeping looking Riolu pawed through. Skipper held the hat in hand, which he held up to Tempest. Tempest scooped up the Riolu and hat in one arm, taking said had to inspect before placing it on his own head.[break][break]

Other than the RotoTV leering at Howard knowingly and the burn/bite on Howard's hand, it was like nothing had happened.[break][break]

Temp clapped his hands together in front in him, Skipper having crawled onto his shoulder to sit perched.[break][break]

"Alright! This movie night is going better than expected, so far. Let's clean you up and then we can start!" Then Temp padded into the hallway again, this time expecting Howard to follow. A door opened and light flooded the hallway. A bathroom, where Temp was already opening a cabinet to take out the 'Emergency Surgery' Kit that he and Cillian kept around.

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POSTED ON Sept 22, 2023 5:42:33 GMT

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Dammit. As Temp entered the room, Howard winced. This looked bad. Really, really bad. Howard had been invited into Temp's house, and he had taken exactly two minutes, give or take, to trash it. That had to be a record in some book that existed. Hell, it probably existed in a museum somewhere, or in Team Rocket's archives. The title would go something like...

THE FASTEST WAY TO GET BEATEN TO DEATH BY Cillian Quinn

FEATURING SPECIAL COMMENTARY FROM Tempest Quinn and HOWARD SLAYTE

WRITTEN BY DECLAN WALSH

"I'm sorry...!" Howard stammered, pale and trembling as he imagined being fed to a Lugia. "I j-just wanted to help! It was a mistake! I'll help clean up! I promise!"

Tempest Quinn raised a hand. Howard squeezed his eye shut. Here it was, the ferocious slap that would knock Howard's soul from his body. Temp was positively jacked, and Howard knew for a fact that as soon as that strike landed, his existence would end. You didn't get that buff without knocking the lights out from someone. Permanently.

There it was...!

'FWEEEEEEET'

Then, all of a sudden, silence. It finally happened. He was dead. Deader than dead. The strike had killed him on impact, as expected. The only criticism Howard had with his death was that Arceus's cry sounded surprisingly like a whistle. Arceus had the choice to sound like whatever it wanted, and it chose that? Seriously? If Howard was a god, he'd have a cool sounding cry like 'Dodogyuuun!' Yeah, that was rad.

If he was dead, why did his hand still hurt? Was this Hell? Dammit, had he really struck out? Howard opened his eye, and his expression morphed into shock. Everything was back to normal. The television, the dishwasher, the lighting. Temp had fixed it all. Howard touched his face. No slap. His hand still hurt? How had Temp done all of this? There was only one logical solution, and Howard Slayte, archaeologist extraordinaire, did not make it lightly.

Tempest Quinn was a wizard.

"W-what?" Howard said nervously as he stood up. "You're not mad? I ruined your living room!"

He half expected Temp to turn around and shout "Yep! Now die!" Before hitting Howard with a haymaker.

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POSTED ON Sept 30, 2023 23:00:35 GMT

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"Huh?" Oblivious to the internal hell howard slayte was putting himself through, Tempest gave a glance around the room again. It looked... well, mostly back to normal! He just shrugged and shooed the family of malicious and evil Eeveelutions off the couch so he could sit where they had been.[break][break]

"Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about. Come over here before you contract Shadow Rabies or some shit." Tempest patted the cushion next to him. It did look very crisp and tempting. Perfect for Howard to place his ass on after the torture he had endured at the hands of Tempest's home.[break][break]

Picking up the remote, Tempest clicked a few buttons and had it on the regular movie channels. He started playing Brycen-Man 2: Electric Boo-ga-loo (Remastered 2002 Version: Director's Cut) absently in the background.[break][break]

"But like, yeah, so Cillie is asleep. So we can't cheer at the stampede scene." Tempest pushed the stolen hat higher on his head and took out a bandage from the first aid kit.

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POSTED ON Oct 9, 2023 2:30:54 GMT

Shadow rabies? That was a thing? It was hard to tell. Shadow Pokémon were distinct from regular Pokémon, but Howard had always assumed that the differences were skin deep. He studied bones, mostly. Maybe he could study this! Write a paper! He'd be rolling in moolah. Maybe he could ask for a small sample—

Idiot. Cillian will beat you to a pulp. Howard thought as the wound was wrapped and they sat on the couch. The wound felt better after being cleaned, but Howard knew it would be a mild pain for the next few days. Not ideal, given he had a slew of paperwork on sold artifacts to produce later.

"Y-yes!" Howard pumped a fist. "I'll do my best!

'Your blade, Brycen-Man. It did not cut deep enough.' Golurk-Man said as he pulled out Brycen-Man's blade and pointed it at the supervillain. Dressed in armor befitting his status, name, and stature, the knight tossed it aside and unsheathed a great sword. His Golurk smashed its fists together, making a sound like an earthquake.

'Heh... Very well. I suppose I'll need a bigger knife, then.' Brycen-Man cackled as he pulled out a rapier. 'Dance with me, then!'

The two began to dance in an extraordinary fight. The legendary stampede scene had yet to arrive, but this was one of the best scenes in the entire movie. It had stood the test of time. "Can you believe James Camerupt was going to remove this scene? It's even better in the Director's Cut!" Howard gushed at Temp as the orchestral track by Hans 'The Tynamo' Zimmer.

Oh, this movie was so peak!

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POSTED ON Oct 21, 2023 0:54:14 GMT

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At some point, Temp had leaned back to man-spread on the couch. A bag of chips was open at his side and a bottle of juice in hand. Around howard slayte and Tempest, a gradual growing of canines had started. Not evil and fucked up ones, thankfully, but just normal dogs of various shapes and sizes. They crowded the two men, seeking attention. One or two of them also pleaded for their snacks with large eyes, lying about having never been fed before in their lives....[break][break]

Temp ignored them, though, other than to idly pet the Smeargle that had crawled into his lap and went to sleep.[break][break]

"I used to have such a big crush on Golurk-Man as a kid. I had a notebook where I drew pictures of us holding hands."[break][break]

It had been no shock to Tulio Rararie, Temp's father, that his son was a flaming homosexual.[break][break]

"Do you think the rumors are true about them on set? That they broke up before this scene?" The rumor that the actors were dating had been prevalent as a kid.

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Magnetic

Admin Fox

He/Him

May 9th

Rustboro City

Bisexual

Archaeologist

Rocket Admin

5'9 (with hat) height

The future will tempt you, the present will indulge you, but the past will shackle you.

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POSTED ON Oct 23, 2023 8:34:35 GMT

"Oh yeah, absolutely." Howard nodded as Shirley and a Growlithe wrapped around his body. He munched on a bowl of popcorn, which he passed to Temp. Man, this was incredibly comfy. Growlithes were soft and fluffy, and Shirley made Howard feel warm and fuzzy. "I bet you they were even into costume play. I heard they got to keep them once shooting was finished."

Golurk-Man was pretty hot, especially in this movie. Brycen-Man was already beginning to show his age in this film, but he was still a silver fox. He had crushed on Golurk-Man's actor hard when he was an undergrad. Howard sighed as he melted into Growlithe's fluff. Howard fed the dogs popcorn, unaware of their manipulations.

"It's coming up! Temp, look!" Howard nudged his colleague's arm as the fight between the two characters reached a climax. Soon, the floor beneath them would collapse. It was coming...

...the legendary stampede scene.

The stampede scene was widely considered by many to be a legendary piece of cinema. Everything from the sound design to the cinematrography was heralded by film junkies and directors alike. It was a scene studied today. To an archaeologist like Howard, it was comparable to the first complete Tyrantrum skeleton ever unearthed. To a biologist like Temp, it was like... Howard didn't know.

All he knew was that this scene was going to be incredible.

"I'msoreadyI'msoreadyI'msoready!" Howard looked at Temp. "Can you believe they had to retake it over forty times? I can't believe it!"

Tempest Quinn

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played by

yams

temporary

he/him

may 3rd

pacifilog, hoenn

big homo

housewife

beast

6'2" height

i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.

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