[attr="class","elisatestbody"]
She wanted to forget herself, in this moment. Not just how to
breathe, not just how to exist, but to erase everything about the person she had been up until this point.[break][break]
It had been so long since she'd been with someone for any reason other than spite.[break][break]
The touch of his hands molded her into someone
new. Someone who didn't possess the faults of the past decade, someone uncomplicated and worthy of an adoration that didn't spring from hate.[break][break]
The fantasy of being deserving was intoxicating the more she gave into it, letting herself get swept up in the passion of being desired for the person she wanted to be, if not the person that she was.[break][break]
Some part of her loved him for letting her live that lie.[break][break]
She kissed him with a sweetness she'd thought no longer existed in herself, surprised by how easy it was to play the part of the girl she'd thought had died a decade ago.
"Are you looking for comfort, then?" she'd asked him one night, but she'd been searching for it too, hadn't she?[break][break]
It felt exhilarating, to embrace someone without fear.[break][break]
It felt terrifying, too.[break][break]
How naive it had been to dismiss someone distant and far away, to put him aside like a book she enjoyed reading from time to time to distract herself. Here in his home, wrapped in his arms, lost in the sensation of all that he was and was willing to be for her, a tiny voice warned too late that she'd taken one step too far past the point of no return.[break][break]
That was why people called this 'falling,' wasn't it?[break][break]
He would tire of her, of course. Maybe not by morning, maybe not for some months, but one day he would, she knew. All men did. That was what happened when they finally knew her, but that was what made this
safe, she reasoned. He didn't know her, and he
couldn't ever know her, because to know her would be to hate her for all that she was.[break][break]
She closed her eyes as she basked in the afterglow, a fluttering sense of contentment and safety dizzying her with a peace she'd forgotten night could hold for her.[break][break]
She was fooling herself, but maybe he was fooling himself, too.[break][break]
Maybe they both loved to be fooled.
FERNANDO SILPH[break][break]
NOTES
- Pre-DotDD[break]
- Mission: Sleepless in Slateport (September).