"I bought stuff." The admin gestured at the storage container, freshly transferred off a ship from Unova. "Important stuff."

For Howard, 'important stuff' generally meant old vases, paintings, funeral urns, swords, fossils, and whatever various knickknacks he got his grubby hands on. If that was the case, the contents of this container were completely unknown. The only constant is that breaking a single thing would send Shred's paycheck back to the stone age.

"Uhh..." Howard frowned, his eye narrowing in thought as he coughed into his fist as the shipping container rattled slightly. "Some coils and wire for oscar clayton, ores for Aurelie Lefevre... I think there's a few 'rare candies' in there too? You said your stash was running low."

Great. It was a mystery box from hell.

"Stand back." Howard swung the container's door open.

---

Shred

What's the first thing you see when Howard pulls open the shutters? Piles of silver and gold, perhaps? Books piled from floor to ceiling? Enough raw materials to build a dozen war machines? Enough smack and booze to kill a man several times over? Or...

...A Ferrothorn. Not a shiny Ferrothorn. Not a shadow Ferrothorn. Not some brand new Paradox Ferrothorn unknown to modern scientist. Just a regular Ferrothorn. It's nestled itself in a box of DVDs for "movies" that you can't name on a Proboards site. Probably for the best that they've been wrecked by its spikes, then. The less you have to discuss them, the better.

You look to Howard with a look that communicates how absolutely unimportant you think this stuff is. Then again, you've ALWAYS wanted a Ferrothorn...

"Yoink."

Before the archaeologist can raise a protest, you toss a Pokeball to the Ferrothorn.

---

howard slayte
Catching FERROTHORN.

"What the fuck? What's a fucking Ferrothorn doing here?"

The first thing Howard thought of was priam conrad and his Ferroseed roaming the vents of the submarine. Occasionally, he heard it rattling around in the vents. A constant reminder of the hubris of mankind. Maybe he'd send Shred in there to get it out or something.

The admin seemed baffled. Sure, the storage container had been sitting for a while, but still! He had spent a ton of money on this. Someone had wanted those adult videos, and now they were lost forever. A great tragedy that would be spoken of for epochs eternal.

Meanwhile, a Helioptile sat inside of a microwave, having converted it into a den. Rather than risk letting the microwave turn on, Howard threw a Pokeball at it.

Maybe he could use it to cut his electric bill.

"Stop looking at me like that. I don't know why this stuff's in here either."

---

Shred
catching Helioptile

[attr="class","wildtemp"]

[attr="class","wildbgsaf"]

[attr="class","wildtitle"]A WILD BLITZLE APPEARED!

[attr="class","wildshiny"]

[attr="class","wildpkmnbox"]

[attr="class","wildpkmn"]

[attr="class","wildtab"]

[attr="class","wildtabox"] FEMALE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] LIGHTNING ROD
[attr="class","wildtabox"]STOMP	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]SHOCK WAVE
[attr="class","wildtabox"]QUICK ATTACK	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]PURSUIT
[attr="class","wildtabox"] ---	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] ---

[attr="class","wildtag"]howard slayte Shred

[attr="class","wildnote"] WHAT WILL YOU DO?

[attr="class","wildtemp"]

[attr="class","wildbgsaf"]

[attr="class","wildtitle"]A WILD ELECTRIKE APPEARED!

[attr="class","wildshiny"]

[attr="class","wildpkmnbox"]

[attr="class","wildpkmn"]

[attr="class","wildtab"]

[attr="class","wildtabox"] FEMALE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] LIGHTNING ROD
[attr="class","wildtabox"]TACKLE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]LEER
[attr="class","wildtabox"]BITE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]QUICK ATTACK
[attr="class","wildtabox"] ---	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] ---

[attr="class","wildtag"]howard slayte Shred

[attr="class","wildnote"] WHAT WILL YOU DO?

BOTH OF YOUR CAPTURE ATTEMPTS ARE SUCCESSFUL!

So, Howard bought a container full of random shit, and got even more random shit he didn't ask for on top of it. Living random shit. Is that better, or worse? Your heart says better, but as you step over the aforementioned box of stabbed smutty films, your brain is telling you that it's going to be a lot worse.

Not your problem, though. You're not the one who paid for all this rubbish, you're just the one who's unpacking it. So, time to get to work.

"Alright: There's wires, ore, drugs, and porn in here." You repeat, fishing a pocket knife from your jacket as you approach a cardboard box. "Additionally, it's also full of Pokemon. Anything else I should know about?"

You slice open a box, and as though it were a jack-in-the, an Electrike burst out from amidst the packing peanuts and headbutted your belt, smacking head-first into an empty Pokeball. Before you can even register what's happening, the shake-shake-shake click has already come and gone, and you're now the owner of the world's ugliest dog.

...Great. That's 10PD you're never getting back.

---

howard slayte
CATCHING ELECTRIKE.

"Nice. I didn't even buy the porn." Howard frowned as he he tried to lift a duffel bag. When he opened it, it was full of gold bars. "What kind?"

He seemed oddly invested for someone who had to explain to Elisabeth Fiorelli or Cillian Quinn why a shipping container full of valuables was loaded with porno mags. That conversation would be a delight. Maybe he could find Wo-Chien or Lugia and get them to kill him to spare everyone the trouble of that conversation.

Life had been better when he hadn't been an admin.

"There should be a stockpile of merch from a band in, fuck..." Howard tossed a Pokeball at a fleeing Blitzle. "Spikemuth, I think? Oh, and a Kalosian crown."

At this point, Howard had zero fucking clue where these Pokemon were coming from. How did they survive in a shipping container for so long? Were they eating each other? Were these Pokémon cannibals?

He tried not to think about it.

---

Shred
CATCHING BLITZLE

[attr="class","wildtemp"]

[attr="class","wildbgsaf"]

[attr="class","wildtitle"]A WILD DOUBLADE APPEARED!

[attr="class","wildshiny"]

[attr="class","wildpkmnbox"]

[attr="class","wildpkmn"]

[attr="class","wildtab"]

[attr="class","wildtabox"] MALE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] NO GUARD
[attr="class","wildtabox"]NIGHT SLASH	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]SLASH
[attr="class","wildtabox"]SHADOW SNEAK	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]FURY CUTTER
[attr="class","wildtabox"] ---	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] ---

[attr="class","wildtag"]howard slayte Shred

[attr="class","wildnote"] WHAT WILL YOU DO?

[attr="class","wildtemp"]

[attr="class","wildbgsaf"]

[attr="class","wildtitle"]A WILD PAWMOT APPEARED!

[attr="class","wildshiny"]

[attr="class","wildpkmnbox"]

[attr="class","wildpkmn"]

[attr="class","wildtab"]

[attr="class","wildtabox"] FEMALE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] NATURAL CURE
[attr="class","wildtabox"]SPARK	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]ENTRAINMENT
[attr="class","wildtabox"]BITE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]SCRATCH
[attr="class","wildtabox"] ---	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] ---

[attr="class","wildtag"]howard slayte Shred

[attr="class","wildnote"] WHAT WILL YOU DO?

BOTH OF YOUR CAPTURE ATTEMPTS ARE SUCCESSFUL!

"Something called █████ █████ ███: ███ Tapu Bulu ██████████." You say, deadpan. Haven't watched that one. Sounds absolutely awful. You're not gonna watch that one. "Among others. Seems like there's a big 'Tapu' niche in the smut market. I don't know who the fuck would want those, though... I don't think I WANT to know who the fuck wanted those."

Spikemuth band merch, Kalosian jewels... Fucking hell, this is a real grab bag, isn't it? Shaking your head, you stick your hand into the freshly opened box, and pull out a Pawmot with a cigar in his mouth. You stare at the creature, eyes wide. Holy shit, this thing is cool as fuck! You gotta--

THWACK! The Pawmot, irritated, slaps your wrist and squirms from your grip, before grumpily scurrying away. Wow. Okay. Dickhead.

With a shrug, you dig back in, and pull out a handful of half-eaten cigars. Tch. Well, that's going to eat into the profits, isn't it? Between the chewed tobacco and the swiss cheese DVDs, Howard's probably well in the red by now. Oh well! Not your money, not your problem.

"A Spikemuth Band, huh? Which one? Maybe I know 'em."

---

howard slayte
Catching NOTHING!!!

Unfortunately for Howard's brain, it could translate the sheer unadulterated garbage that Shred had vomited from his mouth. If this was what a thousand hours of studying got him, Howard was seriously reconsidering his life choices. Maybe he could go back to college and become an engineer or something.

"It's a cultural thing. Alolans use feces and shit to pray for bountiful harvests. Y'know how the stuff makes for good fertilizer? Same concept."

If Howard had to know, so did Shred. They were both on this sinking trash pile of a ship together, and the admin was going to make sure that Shred didn't abandon ship to jump into a life raft. Though with the mention of Tapus, that probably wasn't a very wise idea.

"Don't mention Tapus to Fiorelli." If Elisabeth Fiorelli knew that they were talking about her patron within the context of smut, they'd be back in the bathrooms for round two with Wo-Chien. As Howard dug through a crate, he found two swords unceremoniously covered in rust. They reminded him of jayden cross and his sword collection, in that they were Doublades.

He tapped the swords with a Pokeball. Seriously, he wasn't stupid. He could tell a Doublade from a normal sword.

"Uh, shit. I think it's...They Might Be Dynamaxed."

---

Shred
CATCHING DOUBLADE

[attr="class","wildtemp"]

[attr="class","wildbgsaf"]

[attr="class","wildtitle"]A WILD SCIZOR APPEARED!

[attr="class","wildshiny"]

[attr="class","wildpkmnbox"]

[attr="class","wildpkmn"]

[attr="class","wildtab"]

[attr="class","wildtabox"] MALE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] TECHNICIAN
[attr="class","wildtabox"]NIGHT SLASH	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]PURSUIT
[attr="class","wildtabox"]BULLET PUNCH	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]DOUBLE TEAM
[attr="class","wildtabox"] ---	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] ---

[attr="class","wildtag"]howard slayte Shred

[attr="class","wildnote"] WHAT WILL YOU DO?

[attr="class","wildtemp"]

[attr="class","wildbgsaf"]

[attr="class","wildtitle"]A WILD ELECTABUZZ APPEARED!

[attr="class","wildshiny"]

[attr="class","wildpkmnbox"]

[attr="class","wildpkmn"]

[attr="class","wildtab"]

[attr="class","wildtabox"] FEMALE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] VITAL SPIRIT
[attr="class","wildtabox"]DISCHARGE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]SCREECH
[attr="class","wildtabox"]LEER	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]SHOCK WAVE
[attr="class","wildtabox"] ---	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] ---

[attr="class","wildtag"]howard slayte Shred

[attr="class","wildnote"] WHAT WILL YOU DO?

howard slayte CAUGHT THE DOUBLADE!

"Wow, I don't know who they are, but they sound ass."

Granted, you don't know much music anymore. Modern mainstream stuff just doesn't gel with you, nor does anything from the secondary streams, and even the tertiary streams don't really hit your ear that often. No, you're a weird freak who drinks from muddy puddles, like I3ԻɅ1Π;PΘ𝚒Z0₦ and The Bloomer Doomers and shit like that. You did try that new DESIREE BLOOMS album, though! It was... Well, she seems nice. If you were twenty-five years younger, you'd definitely think she was hot.

That aside, you move to another, larger, longer box. Sliding your knife across the top, you pull it open, and reveal... An Electabuzz lying eeriely still. Is it...? Carefully, as though scooping up a dead bug, you reach a Pokeball over and tap it against it, and thankfully, it gets caught. Whew! Okay. Not dead. That's good, you think.

As for the rest of the box? Not much worth talking about. A few fake-looking wigs, a bunch of stupid outfits, and a couple of dusty CD cases. Is that that "We're Probably Gigantamaxed" shit Howard was talking about? Idly, you brush the filth from the surface and peer at the cover.

Heavy Duty Boots
The Debut Album of Rock-Pop-Electro-Punk Revolutionary--

Before your brain can even finish reading that all-too-familiar tagline, your fight or flight response kicks in. Immediately, you turn around and toss it as hard as you can, hoping to irrevocably destroy it before this fifth ruinous treasure can have the opportunity to resurface.

---

Catching Electabuzz.
howard slayte

Luckily for everyone involved, this particular treasure failed to resurface. Hopefully it'd stay that way for a few more months before a few copies found their way into the next shipping container, hopefully consisting of things that Rocket actually needed instead of the mystery box this container was shaping up to be.

If Howard could, he would've fired himself over this. As it stood, he was seriously considering firing thread for the destroying property that Howard had bought. Sure, Shred smoked the weed he transported, did the drugs he smuggled, and indulged in the finest Kalosian wines that Howard shipped over for the upper brass, but breaking his shit? Unacceptable.

Especially since the CDs hit a Scizor in the eye. As Howard turned towards Shred to curse him out, he heard a sound he was intimately familiar with thanks to Grigori Sokolov.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...!

"Shit!" He threw a ball that hit the Scizor square in the eye. The ball fell, shook, and clicked as the Pokemon was caught. Howard picked up the Pokeball.

"Nice. What the fuck..." Howard prepared to snarl at Shred, before stopping to pick up a CD cover split in half by the Scizor's claws. "...is this?"

Boots?

"What kind of stupid band name is Boots?" The admin complained as he tried to find the other half of the CD case. "What a load of nonsense."

---

Shred
CATCHING SCIZOR