When the corpse got serious, Howard knew he was fucked.

"Eh? What do you mean?" The admin turned to look at him, hand on his hip. Shred's glare was enough to melt Never Melt Ice, and the admin gave his friend a colleague a glare back. "Your nightmare. My life. Did you think those extra zeroes on your paycheck came from nothing?"

A Pokeball flew past Shred's head, gleaming as it did so. It donked against a Corviknight's head, trapping the bird in its Pokeball.

Howard kicked over a leaning tower of boxes, causing them to collapse. Coins and various knickknacks spilled onto their shoes. After peering at the pile, Howard plucked out a few gold coins and pocketed them.

"I've got a ton of shipping containers coming in from Slateport and fuck-all-nowhere. They're not all zingers, man. Money comes from the mundane." There were a few things of worth in this container. Howard had bought ore and material and Arceus knew whatever else. "Besides..."

He jingled the gold coins at Shred.

"These are pretty nice, right? These will pay your salary for the next three months!"

This was it. The culmination of Shred's worth after climbing the Rocket corporate ladder. A few gold coins that Howard would probably sell online or at pawn shops.

---

Shred
CATCHING CORVIKNIGHT

[attr="class","wildtemp"]

[attr="class","wildbgsaf"]

[attr="class","wildtitle"]A WILD COPPERAJAH APPEARED!

[attr="class","wildshiny"]

[attr="class","wildpkmnbox"]

[attr="class","wildpkmn"]

[attr="class","wildtab"]

[attr="class","wildtabox"] MALE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] SHEER FORCE
[attr="class","wildtabox"]SUPERPOWER	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]STOMP
[attr="class","wildtabox"]ROLLOUT	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]GROWL
[attr="class","wildtabox"] ---	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] ---

[attr="class","wildtag"]howard slayte Shred

[attr="class","wildnote"] WHAT WILL YOU DO?

[attr="class","wildtemp"]

[attr="class","wildbgsaf"]

[attr="class","wildtitle"]A WILD WATTREL APPEARED!

[attr="class","wildshiny"]

[attr="class","wildpkmnbox"]

[attr="class","wildpkmn"]

[attr="class","wildtab"]

[attr="class","wildtabox"] MALE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] COMPETITIVE
[attr="class","wildtabox"]ROOST	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]QUICK ATTACK
[attr="class","wildtabox"]PLUCK	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]PECK
[attr="class","wildtabox"] ---	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] ---

[attr="class","wildtag"]howard slayte Shred

[attr="class","wildnote"] WHAT WILL YOU DO?

BOTH OF YOUR CAPTURE ATTEMPTS ARE SUCCESSFUL!

Without blinking, you reach out, grab one of Howard's gold coins, and peel it open to reveal the chocolate-- Oh, no, actually, these are real. You blink. Okay, maybe the two of you just got horribly unlucky on those first few crates. Surely, you've got all the guff out of the way by now. Surely, everything that's left is pure money magic. Surely? Surely.

"...They are pretty nice. What are these, dubloons? I hope they're dubloons."

You toss the coin back to the Admin, and head back to work with a newfound optimism. You've got a feeling this next box is going to be REALLY good. So, you find yourself a nice fancy-looking crate, crack it open, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it's full of novelty mugs.

You pick one out. It's plain white, with the words World's Best Boss emblazoned in a simple black font. After a moment of thought, you set it to the side, because clearly it wasn't meant for anybody in Team Rocket.

You try again. This mug is far more elaborate, shaped like a very fat Cufant with its arching trunk acting as a handle. Huh. Weird. Though, it does remind you that the Rocket requistions department had a spare Copperajah lying about, and one of the boys gave you first dibs on it. You might take him up on that when you get back to base. You won't be taking the mug, though. Not your style.

You check one last one, for good measure. It's got a funny drawing of a Slakoth in a lab coat with goggles on, and he's holding little vials and beakers and stuff, and there's a bunch of words beneath it: Sulfur, Lanthanum, Potassium, Oxygen, Thorium... Haha! You don't get it. Then again, are you supposed to? You're just some idiot who dropped out of high school to get play Pokemon Trainer. It's not meant for you. Sciencey people, though? They probably look at this mug and think it's the funniest thing in the world.

"...Hey, Howard, do you think Lulu Flint would like this mug?"

---

howard slayte
"""Catching""" the Copperajah (PLEASE COUNT IT I DO NOT WANT TO SPAWN A WHOLE ASS ELEPHANT INTO THIS SHIPPING CONTAINER PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE)

"Huh?" Howard looked up from the chocolate coin he was eating. Golden foil littered the ground like confetti. Whenever Shred brought up Lulu Flint , the admin's first response was to hide in his office and say he was away. "Are you two finally dating?"

When hell froze over, maybe.

Correction, Howard had Regice sitting in Rocket's freezer at the moment. If anything on earth had the capacity to freeze over that overhyped shithole, the golem was probably it.

Perchance.

"Lemme see..." Howard gave the mug a look as a bird flew out of the shipping container. He had taken a few chemistry classes in university. They had been terrible, depressing, and absolutely miserable. He'd rather fight the two bastard wizards again (PENELOPE LIVY and illeana reyes ) than take Organic Chemistry III. "Hm."

He looked at the mug like Shred looked at the last bottle of wine in Howard's office. It was the gaze of a professional appraiser, who could dictate the wealth of a funeral urn from a mere sniff. It was the same look Howard had when signing Shred's paychecks. It was the same look he got when Brycen-Man III: Lost in Castelia was playing on cable.

Good lord. This mug was...

"Holy shit, Shred. " Howard looked up at Shred. His eye glimmered with tears. "This is the funniest shit I've ever seen in my life.

---

Shred
SKIPPING THIS FUCKING BIRD

[attr="class","wildtemp"]

[attr="class","wildbgsaf"]

[attr="class","wildtitle"]A WILD TOGEDEMARU APPEARED!

[attr="class","wildshiny"]

[attr="class","wildpkmnbox"]

[attr="class","wildpkmn"]

[attr="class","wildtab"]

[attr="class","wildtabox"] FEMALE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] STURDY
[attr="class","wildtabox"]NUZZLE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]SPIKY SHIELD
[attr="class","wildtabox"]ROLLOUT	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]SPARK
[attr="class","wildtabox"] ---	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] ---

[attr="class","wildtag"]howard slayte Shred

[attr="class","wildnote"] WHAT WILL YOU DO?

[attr="class","wildtemp"]

[attr="class","wildbgsaf"]

[attr="class","wildtitle"]A WILD DURALUDON APPEARED!

[attr="class","wildshiny"]

[attr="class","wildpkmnbox"]

[attr="class","wildpkmn"]

[attr="class","wildtab"]

[attr="class","wildtabox"] FEMALE	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] LIGHT METAL
[attr="class","wildtabox"]METAL BURST	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]FOCUS ENERGY
[attr="class","wildtabox"]HONE CLAWS	[attr="class","wildtabox2"]LASER FOCUS
[attr="class","wildtabox"] ---	[attr="class","wildtabox2"] ---

[attr="class","wildtag"]howard slayte Shred

[attr="class","wildnote"] WHAT WILL YOU DO?

Shred CAUGHT THE COPPPERAJAH!

"Well, uh... No." You admit, rubbing the back of your neck. "I haven't seen her since everything that happened in the Silent Icelands. Haven't worked up the nerve for it. Yet."

But with this mug by your side? That'll all change. You can see it now - You walk into the laboratories, stride straight up to Lulu Flint, and slam this bad boy down in front of her. Bam. INSTANT romance. Even parker jones, in all her scientist-wooing wisdom, would be jealous of such a raw display of "rizz". People will talk about your unprecedented act of courtship for aeons to come. Howard'll probably end up having to write a whole book about it and its consequences, and it'll probably end up being his thirteenth reason. But, hey, if that's the cost of progress? Then so be it.

"Bitchin'."

You stash the mug away and look around the rest of the container. Between the two of you, you've managed to unload about... Ten percent of it? Fuck that. You've stumbled upon enough cursed objects for one day. You're calling it quits.

"Alright, I'm off." You declare, making for the exit. "I'll send for some grunts to help you finish things up here. If anything comes up? You know where to find me."

Asleep, on the couch in his office, and probably using the one-of-a-kind pelt of some long-extinct Pokemon as a blanket.

---

howard slayte
No Catches.

"Might be wise to look into some new fits, too." Something that didn't look like Shred had dragged it out of the dumpster or out of the smoking crater he had crawled from following his resurrection. "Impress her that way."

What clothes could you put over the gaping bullet wound known as Shred Zeppelin? Nothing would fit well, given that much of Shred's excess flesh had been melted away like candle wax. Flesh had bubbled, burst, and split. All that remained was the smoking husk of Shred Zeppelin.

A husk he had helped create. A guilt he could not purge.

"I have to pay grunts." Howard complained, his voice turning into a whine as Shred wandered off. "I don't have to pay you! Shred, come back! Hey! Shred! As your superior, I'm ordering y-"

Too late, Shred was gone. Howard slumped his head in defeat and kicked the side of the container in a fit of anger. All that served to do was hurt his foot. He shouted in annoyance, but all that served to do was hurt his voice. There wasn't much to do but wait for the grunts that Shred promised would arrive.

If he remembered to send them, that was.

"This sucks. What do I do now?" Howard complained as a shadow rose behind him. As the admin turned around, he saw a massive Duraladon staring at him. The admin blinked once and swallowed. "Sup?"

It roared at him, causing his hat to fly off.

"Help."

---

Shred
CATCHING DURALADON