[attr="class","illie i]she's absorbed in endless stacks of papers when the receptionist buzzes, one more paper cut away from sighing and simply taking a nap instead of catching up. perhaps it's a blessing in disguise when she has to rise and shift her attention away from reports... except, she doesn't expect the message from the other line. "mister silph is here to see you, miss reyes."

oh. oh shit.

she's flying out of her seat a moment later, squeaking out a hurried thank you before all but scrambling to the door. except, he's already stepping in as she's approaching and she's flushing a soft pink, a hand rising to run through messy waves. "um, hi," she half mumbles, half squeaks. "i didn't expect to see you here." obviously. this isn't his department...

clearing her throat before flashing a small smile, illeana settles on the corner of a nearby table, mindful of the equipment at her back. "to what do i owe the pleasure, mister silph?"

[attr="class","illie i]while she should have expected the response he gives, it still catches her off guard. her eyes widen a fraction, lips parting to form an o shape before shortly giving way to a soft smile. "oh, you didn't have to come all the way here," she murmurs because really, he didn't but it's a touching gesture that's effective in tugging at her heartstrings.

"i am! it's, well, a little difficult to get back into the swing of things." her laugh is awkward, slightly flustered, and mildly embarrassed. a finger slowly twirls a strand of hair around it, coiling and uncoiling the strands idly. "good, for the most part," and totally overwhelming but suspiciously good. besides, she has yet to yank her hair out over reports so that's definitely considered a win in her book. "you know, besides paper cuts and drowning in reports but... to be expected, really."

and then she's tilting her head at him, a leg rising to cross over the other at the knee. "and you? are things well on your end, councilman?"

[attr="class","illie i]"that it is," she heaves out a sigh of agreement. a glance is spared over her shoulder toward the utter chaos that is her desk. papers scattered atop the surface, two empty cups of coffee already on the list of casualties in her war versus paperwork. who knew so much could pile up in the short amount of time she used for recovery?

her eyes drift back to him with a look of sympathy. things could always be better but they could always be worse. which one would be more preferred? sometimes, she isn't sure. "i hope they get better soon," she murmurs with a brief smile. it fades into consideration and then mild nervousness a moment later. she had, in fact, given it some thought but a crossroads is still all she has.

"i have," she draws out the syllables perhaps because there's still hesitation held within them. does she stay in the field or stay in the lab? it's a difficult decision with too many factors laced in. "i'm a bit stumped on a decision if i'm being honest."

[attr="class","illie i]which one does she choose? it's a decision she doesn't want to make lightly, one she wants to weigh almost too heavily in her mind. is she willing to sacrifice all of her hard work just to stay in the field? or does she roll over and stay protected and safe?

somehow, there's a little voice in her mind that tells her no matter which option she chooses, she will not come to like the outcome.

"i'm not sure," she murmurs and she knows it's of little assistance to what he's asking. blood pools in her cheeks, skin shifting into a rosy color beneath the fluorescent lights. "but that's to be expected. i would like to stay in the field but i also want to continue to work hard in my current position." which one is she willing to say goodbye to in order to feel meaningful?

another sigh escapes and her eyes drift toward the ceiling, searching for something she knows she won't find up there. "there's no middle ground, is there? not if i'm weak."

[attr="class","illie i]the hair that twirls around a finger stills, following the way her body slightly tenses at the thought. why was becoming strong not placed at the front of her options? it's simple, really. she doesn't believe she's capable of such a thing. if there's one thing illeana reyes is... it's soft. is there room for strength there? or would she have to sacrifice that very softness to achieve such a thing?

her eyes come back down to earth, back to him and the weight of words. have the right to be greedy. simple yet difficult, it seems. "how exactly does one earn the right to be greedy? through action?" it's a trait she doesn't possess but perhaps in time.

slowly, her fingers resume twiddling with hair and she's giving a soft tug of the strands as if that'll help her wrap her mind around the concept a little better. it doesn't. it only stings a little. "i suppose it's because i've only ever known weakness. i want to be strong, sure, but am i capable of that?" better yet, is she prepared for what it will take?

[attr="class","illie i]it makes sense, in a way. through capabilities, one is allowed to be greedy. to take what they want, what they're owed. but does she possess capabilities? her mind supplies the traits he had listed off in the hospital room but they aren't quite right for the piece that's missing. inner reflection, perhaps, will supply her with exactly what capabilities she needs to succeed.

"i see," she murmurs and a moment later, she's trying to stifle a laugh because really it isn't funny but in a way it could be. "and if the hurdle is yourself... what does one do in that circumstance?" how do you overcome yourself? your insecurities, your fears? easily, she imagines but it's always been just beyond her reach. slipping through her fingers even.

illeana meets his frown with an almost torn expression. it's halfway between decided and thoughtful, existing in both planes of reality. "yes, it's time." but if she fails, what happens? "i guess that's something i'll have to work on myself." she doubts anyone can truly help her become strong. it'll be a path she has to understand for herself in order to achieve the results desired. although, a teacher wouldn't be such a bad thing.

[attr="class","illie i]she hums understanding, comprehension drifting in the longer she mulls over the words. become the person you want to be... hm. perhaps she just might but what will be lost along the way? the ideal illeana reyes doesn't come without sacrifices littering the floor. she offers nothing further than the hum and a soft bob of her head, declining on speaking if only to file her opinions on the matter away for a later time.

"a team," she echoes, this current mention not exactly the first time he's spoken of such a thing. it is, however, the first time he's fully disclosing more details and she's hooked on the words. leaning forward on the desk with her chin settling onto the backs of folded hands, she listens and it isn't long before an eyebrow rises. "what exactly would this team consist of? are you gathering just rangers or is it on a more broad scale?" she detects hints of implication but doesn't voice them for now, as if she wants to gather more evidence before staking a claim in the matter. a scientific analysis of a situation, even.

a portion of them are behind his reasoning, his endeavor. it's not surprising if she pauses to dwell on it. after littleroot, she would have come to expect at least one or two changes to rise up from the rubble. "have you already made roster selections?"