Dammit. Why did he have to be so buff?

Why couldn't Kouji be another ordinary grunt that Howard could simply stuff into a locker? If it was that easy, Howard could omit the workout and return to the labs or his room. Instead, he was stuck here because there was a promise that Howard would come out of this a better battler. That seemed like a scam at this point. Life was a scam, and the 'I hate you room' was the hell that made up Howard's world until he escaped.

Fuck, he could be watching a documentary right now.

"Kouji, if a Hyper Beam misses, I hope it just kills me. Better than paying the hospital bill." Howard glared at him. Despite his whining, he was still undergoing Kouji's gruesome regiment. He hadn't stopped, despite his annoying complaints. "I do like running away."

Running away was a nice skill to have. Though, if Howard was honest, it likely wouldn't save him from a whole slew of nasty fates. The day he could outrun that giant monster in Ultra Plant was the day Kouji figured out that other appliances beyond the blender existed.

"Ughhhuhhhhhh..." Howard moaned, face against the floor, as he did another twenty pushups. Kouji was right, though. Serizawa was enjoying the ride. The Larvitar threw up its little arms in excitement as Howard finished the twentieth push up. "You better not evolve up there. Get off." Serizawa ran over to Kouji, now that his ride had been disrupted.

Kouji had vaguely mentioned a regimen at the beginning of this death march, but Howard had forgotten it. Frankly, it didn't matter. Howard would be dead by the end, anyway.
Kouji Matsubara

---

Arceus was dead, and Kouji Matsubara had killed him. There was no way in hell that any god would create a world with this monster in it. Granted, no god would allow the boundaries of reality to fold in on itself like tissue paper. That was what Howard's lungs felt like, actually. Tissue paper.

"Twenty...? Howard said in-between breaths. That was fine. Howard was fine. He was young. Spry. As long as he took a quick breather, he could totally run twenty laps around this personal hell that had been constructed for him.

Breath in...

Out...

In...

Out...

In...

DONK! A baseball hit him. Howard's eyes snapped open as he growled in pain, holding his head. He looked up to see Kouji's face. He was definitely smiling. Totally. 100%. The bastard was enjoying this. Motherfucker.

"Stop. Stop! Let me get up first!" Howard yelled as he quickly got to his feet and began running laps. Serizawa chased after him, growling in an admittedly adorable way that would make Howard's heart melt. Unfortunately, it had been melted down and put into Kouji's blender.

"You..." Donk. "Are..." Donk. "A massive..." Donk. "Cunt..!" Howard spat at him as baseballs were flung at him. He dodged a few, but he was too tired to dodge particularly well. Besides, Kouji had said this wouldn't save him from a Hyper Beam. So, what? He had to preemptively dodge the fucking attacks?

Wonderful. Howard tried it.

Donk!

Too slow.

---

Kouji Matsubara

It was not fun.

It's a lot easier to throw balls at someone to trigger a hit of dopamine in the brain. The chemical process went back to ancient times, when ancient Howards and Koujis were whaling on each other with spiked clubs to see who got to eat the best part of the hunted Tauros. Naturally, the ancient Koujis won, and Howards were forced to submit to their blender drink overlords.

If there wasn't proof that Arceus was a massive cunt, there it was.

"Fuck you." Howard said after the thirtieth ball strike. He had said it thirty times already, but he'd say it again. At this point, he was essentially immune to Kouji's ball strikes. His pain tolerance was pretty high. Howard had survived cave-ins, explosions, drug overdoses, mental breakdowns, grad school, and a Legendary Pokémon the size of a building. "Fuck you. The only love I have for you is the kind that gets us put together in a warzone. From there, a stray explosive kills us both. I'd love that."

Frankly, the only thing that could kill him now a strike to his bank account.

Kouji threw a ball towards Howard's foot, and the archaeologist tripped, screaming words in languages that Kouji couldn't begin to understand. The trainer would know it was a curse, though. Mankind had been instilled with the primal sense to know when people were talking behind their backs.

He hit the ground. Hard. Yet he kept running in spite of that. Another ball aimed towards his head, but Serizawa blocked it by firing a Hyper Beam. Overkill, but Kouji's throw was no joke. That ball would've done more damage than a Hyper Beam, anyways.

Another lap down. "Wee." Howard muttered.

---

Kouji Matsubara

"Serizawa is the best Larvitar in the whole world. Don't you dare corrupt him!" Howard yelled back at Kouji as a baseball hit him in the leg. Did he seriously name his Larvitar after a giant monster in a movie? What a degenerate.

On Kouji's next lesson, Howard was a pro. He was a coward. An utter coward, through and through. He said it constantly, and unlike a lot of people, the archaeologist genuinely meant it. In Ultra Plant, he ran from that giant electrical monster. When faced with something he couldn't defeat, the first instinct he had was to run away and hide.

Sometimes, Howard liked to imagine what it'd be like to triumph over that fear. Then, he killed that imagination. That process got good men killed. There was no main character in life. One pep talk couldn't override reality. Therefore, you ran when the going got tough. Was that why he was such a weak trainer?

Likely.

The rest of the laps took place without incident. Despite his whining, Howard was in pretty good shape. He had crossed deserts, mountains, caves, and had once survived in the Desert Resort on seven Maractus fruit and a bottle of whiskey. A fun story, but one for another time. Howard managed to slightly improve at ball dodging, but it was hardly noteworthy. A hundred percent of Kouji's shots hitting had dropped to about ninety-seven percent. Not noteworthy.

Yet it was an improvement.

After a few minutes of recovery and screaming into his gym bag, Howard and Kouji stood in a battle arena. Howard was drenched in sweat, and looked like he had lost a fight with a baseball machine. A lot of those balls would bruise. He put his hand on a hip and pointed at Kouji. "What're the rules, Baseball Boy? I don't fight much, so you can choose the- hey!" Serizawa attempted to run out into the field as Howard's Pokémon, before getting scooped up by Howard. The Larvitar attempted to squirm out of Howard's hands.

"H-hey, Serizawa! Pipe down!"

---

Kouji Matsubara

"To run away." Howard said instinctively, before looking away with a sheepish expression. It was true. If there was a fight going on, Howard would run off and hide somewhere. It had served him well pretty far, but there was the unfortunate reality that some things were faster than Howard's legs. That monster in Ultra Plant, for example.

Running away had saved his life, but it had also made him weak.

"Sand, mostly. I use my Probopass to set up Sandstorm so I can run away or attack in a way others can't expect. A lot of people don't expect it. I read in a book that Tyranitar can create sandstorms just by walking into battle, but..." Howard gestured at the ferocious Larvitar. "He's already a handful."

Damn, how pathetic was it that Howard was hardly skilled enough to train a Larvitar?

All of his Pokemon had been chosen to help Howard out on the field. He had been a scholar, once. His Pokemon had helped excavate fossils and helped Howard out in the wilderness. They had never been trained for combat, even though they were competent.

"But I'm worried that if I lean too far into sandstorms, I'll eventually meet something that utterly breaks that strategy apart. What should I do then?" Howard asked Kouji. How long had it been since Howard had been the student? Years, certainly.

Serizawa squirmed out of Howard's hands and ran towards the field. The little monster pointed at Kouji and let out a small and high-pitched roar. More of a growl, if they were being honest.

---

Kouji Matsubara

Howard's eye blazed with rage for exactly one second when Dracozolt came out. Galarians had done more damage to the archaeological field in a few years than any other region, and these bastardized Pokémon showed it. He abhorred how fossils had been mixed together to create abominations. Their existences were misery. If he could, he'd go out and end euthanize them all, but he couldn't.

He wanted to sock Kouji in the face and walk away. It's not his fault. He doesn't know. Howard thought to himself. The rage vanished a second later.

"I see. There should be less out in the world, if you ask me. Thanks for the advice." Howard said stiffly, before miming Kouji in a stretch. After popping his back, Howard sighed in relief. He couldn't hold Kouji's ownership of a Dracozolt against him. Few people understood archaeology as well as Howard. They just used these abominations in combat.

Howard watched as Serizawa growled in delight at the pat from Kouji. Was this the path to becoming stronger? He didn't want to keep losing fights. He wanted to be able to take care of himself. Whether he liked it or not, he was in Team Rocket now. That meant he had to save his own skin every once in a while.

"Agreed." Howard put his hand on his hip. "You're the boss."

---

Kouji Matsubara