[attr="class","morhuman5-post"]
[attr="class","morhuman5-icon"]
TW[break]
Abuse & Drug Use
[break]
Killian's not sure when he fell asleep.
[break][break]
One moment, he's listening to Lulu talk, speechless as her eyes glow and shadows envelop the floor. The next, he's staring into desaturate blackish-green irises when suddenly everything around him darkens.
[break][break]
For a moment, it's only him and her alone in a void of darkness.
"Lulu?" he questions, but the woman doesn't respond. She's motionless, a statue with unflinching features. He waves a hand in front of her face. No response. A voice calls out from the emptiness behind him.
[break][break]
"And this one I bred especially for you." feminine, soften-spoken, and kind.
[break][break]
Immediately, Killian's head turns to look over his shoulder. The expression on his face is somewhere between surprise and grief. It's been years, but he'd recognize that voice regardless.
"Mom? You can't be-" the cot vanishes, and he falls into the abyss below.
[break][break]
He's sinking, falling - faster and faster. There's barely enough time to panic before the scene changes.
[break][break]
Slam[break][break]
Killian hits the carpet face first with heavy force.
"Ugh." groaning, he pushes himself to his knees and looks ahead. All the color in his face drains, but not for the reason you'd think. Before him, clean and healthy is his mother. She's looking right at him with honey brown eyes brimming with life. Long black hair hangs down to her back and frames her face elegantly.
[break][break]
Blue eyes scan the room - red leather couch, matching recliner in the corner with a missing handle, a coffee and end table lined with figurines of Eevee and its evolutions. All of it framed by bright white walls covered in pictures. It's the figures more than anything that makes Killian realize where he is.
[break][break]
His childhood home.
[break][break]
"Isn't she cute, Killian?" cradled inside his mother's arms is a Pokemon. She steps forward and leans down to show him. Freshly hatched, a baby Eevee purrs as it sleeps.
[break][break]
"I guess, but I thought you said the Pokemon was gonna be cool? Like, a Dratini or Larvitar. The kind a champion would use." the voice comes from Killian, but his lips haven't moved. It sounds younger and more energetic. His mother looks hurt for a second but smiles. Wiggling a finger at him, she laughs, and Killian's heart sinks inside his chest.
[break][break]
It's been more than a decade since he's heard that laugh, even longer since he's heard it so full of warmth and joy. The sound is enough to bring him to tears. What's going on? Weren't these supposed to be nightmares? Not good dreams of distant memories.
[break][break]
The shadows at the edge of the room creep closer, and again the scene shifts. It's the same house, but a different room at another point in time. Killian stands, too distracted by the young boy cowering on the tiled floor to worry about anything else. The boy's knees are pressed against his chest, hands covering his ears to block out the sound of yelling from the other room.
[break][break]
The knot in Killian's chest tightens.
[break][break]
"Listen, I promise I'll have the money soon. A week at the most, I swear." his mother's voice again.
"I-I know this is the third time, but money's so -" a thunderous slap echos from outside. The boy flinches at the sound, sobbing into his knees.
[break][break]
"I don't want to be here. I don't want to remember this." Killian mutters, stepping back only to fall. Again, the darkness consumes him as the world changes. He's in his living room again, but it's barren of most anything aside from the couch and coffee table. The once white walls are stained yellow from smoke. Trash alongside used needles and other filth litters the floor.
[break][break]
In front of him on the couch, his mother lays with a needle in her arm. Her pale, almost porcelain skin is drenched in sweat. Brown eyes are glazed over and barely aware. All the warmth drained from them and replaced with an aloof coldness. If not for the slow rise and fall of her chest, you'd think her dead.
[break][break]
It's a sight he hasn't thought about in ages yet could never forget. Tighter the knot squeezes around his heart.
"It's a dream, Killian. A nightmare of the past, it can't hurt you." part of him doesn't believe that's true. Part of him is so afraid of what's to come that it's screaming for him to wake up. He doesn't hear it over the sound of his hubris. So confident is he that he can steel himself for the horrors ahead.
[break][break]
How foolish of him to underestimate Lulu's power.
[break][break]
His mother's body jerks to life and grasps his wrists before he can move. Killian's heart pounds against his chest, and he attempts to yank his hands away. Clammy palms only grip him tighter, but he manages to break free, stumbling back and falling to the floor.
[break][break]
"She's just going to leave you again, you know that, right?" cold and callous, his mother's voice echoes around him. She's leaning halfway off the couch, leering at him with empty eyes and a frown.
"Your precious Lex (Alexandra Briarwood). You didn't really believe her when she said she wouldn't, did you? Come on, Killian. You're smarter than that. You know how people really are. They're only out for themselves. She wanted to lock you up next to Kaito and throw away the key." like a snake, his mother slithered down the couch. His nails dug into the carpet as he pulled himself back and away.
[break][break]
"The only reason she hasn't kicked you to curve is that you're useful to her. Once you help her get rid of Kaito for good, she'll be done with you."[break][break]
His back hit the wall.
[break][break]
"That's even if you could get rid of him. All those connections, and you can't make one man disappear? Pathetic. You're failing her just like you failed me. It's no wonder she doesn't really love you."[break][break]
With nowhere to run, Killian watched the elongated body of his mother snake across the carpet to him.
[break][break]
"No one will ever love you. You're unloveable, Killian. It's why she left and sent you to jail. It's why I chose the drugs over you."[break][break]
"You're powerless."[break][break]
"Weak."[break][break]
"A failure."[break][break]
"Loveless."[break][break]
Something primal takes control of him that forces his knees against his chest. A dam breaks inside of him as his mother continues to taunt him. It's overwhelming. He feels small and worthless with every word. Desperate to block out the sound of her voice, he covers his ears. But he can still hear her speaking inside his head.
[break][break]
Sobbing, like a child on the floor - he looks into his mother's eyes, and with two words, shatters completely.
[break][break]
[break]
---
[break][break]
A week of unending nightmares passes, but for Killian, it might as well have been a lifetime. He awakens not in the cot where he'd first fallen asleep but in the infirmary. It's the sound of an IV drip and a nurse talking next to him that stirs him from his slumber. His vision is blurry as his eyes open. Rigid muscles refuse to budge despite his attempts to move them. Dryly, he calls out to the person nearby.
[break][break]
"A..awake."[break][break]
Immediately, the nurse stops what she's doing and goes to find Lulu.
