ah, that's right. she'd had the luxury of keeping her location on blast. he's been able to keep tabs on her that way, but of course she hadn't been given the same graces. gods, he could have sent her some type of message. but he's still recovering and after what happened with sam and the waking nightmares he still struggles with, 

fuck. 

his hand drops, once and for all. shoe goes to cover the shard of glass and he grinds his heel into it. it crunches and he sighs, frowns down at the cut on his hand. 

"c'mere," he says and this time he's gentler as he folds his arms around her. it's strange. he can't remember the last time they hugged. even when they were kids, summer'd always had something to prove, and that meant absolutely no fucks given about or to knox. 

he squeezes tight. "sorry i got so..." he blinks through the colors bleeding over his eyes. "may've gone a bit overboard this time around."

Summer Atreides

☉

knox just holds her. he holds her and he realizes how tired he is. body battered and bruised from the inside out and his muscles pressing, brain sending him phantom pains as repercussions for what he's done - snorted, swallowed, shot. 

he feels wetness on his upper lip and he grimaces, withdraws from summer's embrace so he can wipe his nose with the back of his hand. red smears and he fists his shirt, presses it to his nose. he sighs. 

"where can we go?" he says, and he sounds tired too. no, he doesn't take them away from this place. instead, he takes her to the spot where they'd spray-painted their stupid childhood names in each other's colors, and he sits right down and puts his arms over his knees. 

Summer Atreides

☉

and the answer is nowhere. they've nowhere to go, the two of them. she'll go back to the lion's den to appease the monster and he'll run and hide with his tail between his legs, because that's better than the alternative. there's comfort in the norm - the coward's way out, he supposes. sam seems to think so. 

he leans his head into her and he's thankful, at least, that the apex of their father's cruelty has granted him his sister. he still doesn't trust she'll be the same come morning, with the booze and drugs out her system, but he won't hold that against her. how could he?

"yeah," he says with a sigh. he wants to say it's okay, but the words seem cheap and i forgive you won't solve their problems either. 

no, instead he lifts up his arm and puts it around her shoulders, tugs her close with a smile on his face, and says, "y'know, you should really be sorry about how you interrupted me. i told sam i was gonna kill you when i came out here."

he chuckles. "too soon? but yeah, you asshole. we were in bed. for the first time."

Summer Atreides

☉

"uhhh, yeah, dumbass," he says and blows some too-long strands of hair away from his eyes, where she'd mussed them up. "supposedly that's what people do when they're in loooove." he grimaces and shifts and thinks it's not 'doing the nasty' when it's with sam, but he doesn't say that out loud, because he's still scared summer's going to prove him wrong. or fuck with his head. or both. 

"also, he's fit as fuck. and i wanna see if those tats are everywhere. and we've gotten freaky before, thank you. and i like him." he sniffs and pushes her. 

"stop laughing at me."

Summer Atreides

☉

"i used to think that," he says and draws her closer. he kisses her forehead, which simultaneously feels strange and...normal. like they could have been doing this all along. instead of all the games and the lying and the honey-coated insults. they were always terrible to/for each other and knox always blamed their father. 

but here they are, still at odds, somewhat, and finding comfort in each other's presence. 

"but i don't anymore. i always knew you hated me, yeah, but i knew you loved me too. even if it was all fucked." he snorts.

and then he falls silent, because it really is just so sad, all this wasted time. but summer lightens the mood and the hard line of his lips tilts up and he laughs and then he nearly chokes on his own spit. 

"he did what?" sam had promised him or performed for him no such routine. that'll be the first damn thing he asks him about when he gets back (except he won't, because he'll forget, in his still-drug-addled state, when the day comes to reap its consequences, to remind him of the pain he's caused).

his phone's dead now. truly dead. he doesn't even know what day it is. 

"we gotta get home, red. tell him you found me, that you wanted to bring me to him to let him..." he exhales. "and tell him you weren't expecting a gardevoir. that i got away, alright? so it's not your fault."

Summer Atreides

☉

"i love you," he says, nigh immediately. that's the thing about knox. he loves easily. without reproach. his head tilts at the messages and he thinks i love sam too but he can't remember everything he's sent to him. and what if sam's trying to reach him right now? fuck. 

he doesn't reach for summer's phone though. doesn't reach out to say he's okay, that he's coming home. 

home. 

"even though you're a terrible older sister." he leans back, rests his aching bones. a weight's been lifted off his chest, sitting here with her like this. there will be anxieties to come, yes, but right now the rest of the world doesn't exist. 

"he will," he says, with confidence. "i'm a coward, remember?" he hesitates. "but he won't think i'm getting along on my own. tell him i'm staying with an old hookup. maybe ollie."

Summer Atreides

☉