[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]fight... will it be for her good or for her demons?

the concept makes her uncertain, uncomfortable. it brings a sense of trepidation she can't seem to shake.

"i don't know if it's still there."

not after what has happened, not after what she's done. and if it still exists, it will be snuffed out after what's to come.

"i -- i'm not myself, anymore."

or... she always has been and who she was before was simply a mask.

it's difficult to tell them apart, as if one cannot exist without the other.

faintly, she lets out a hollow laugh.

"if you couldn't tell already, that is."

FERNANDO SILPH

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]what?

did -- did she hear that right?

every inch of her looks stunned into stone. life comes back to the eyes, a spark igniting cogs in the machine.

"you -- what?"

it had once been something she was certain of, that she knew on some fundamental level.

now, it tastes like blood in her mouth... nothing more than a pretty lie.

well done, fernando.

FERNANDO SILPH

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]she can't ignore the way his voice sounds.

it mirrors hers from earlier, constricted and pained. betrayed.

some small part of her finds satisfaction in that.

and a big part of her knows things will be different. which side will she fall on now?

"i am."

a sigh escapes, as if she's reached her limit.

"you can't just drop a bombshell like that on me."

he can, though. he just did.

she's sifts through tumultuous emotions like rubble to find strength, to find steel, to find herself.

what she finds... is not what he wants.

FERNANDO SILPH

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]it is a bombshell to her...

because for as long as she has known fernando silph, she has never known him to care about love.

he points to memories, to instances and words and actions and she feels slightly faint by now.

it's too sudden, too much, too late.

"i," she starts, stops, struggles with words.

what can she say in the face of this? thanks so much but you missed the chance? god... this is a mess.

she settles on a hesitant, "i didn't think it meant anything to you."

FERNANDO SILPH

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]before, she would have given a different answer. before... it might have been different.

here and now? she doesn't feel what he claims he does, not anymore.

distance has eroded their bond. and with the erosion, she sees what's underneath. she sees a fragile girl seeking validation and affection from a man who could not give her everything she wanted.

"i don't believe you love me," she whispers.

if he did...

"you don't forget the people you love."

she looks angry now. hurt, disgusted, betrayed, confused. it's too much.

"i sacrifice myself for people who don't care about me, who don't love me, who toss me aside until i'm worthy again." her face twists into a scowl and her mind supplies the final, unspoken piece: people like him.

FERNANDO SILPH

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]he loads the gun, takes off the safety, and pulls the trigger.

the result is one very angry illeana reyes.

"don't you dare bring him into this."

her hand rises as if to strike him the same way she struck MATIAS SILPH. there... her hand waits, trembling with barely contained rage.

"i followed you to meteor falls. he died because i wasn't there, because you needed me. do you know how agonizing that is? how fucking horrible it was to do that?"

and she had done it for him, for fernando silph, for one single ounce of his praise. it makes her sick even now.

"and now you want to say you love me?"

after all she's done, all she's sacrificed, all she's lost... it feels like a slap in the face.

FERNANDO SILPH

[attr="class","illeana"]

[attr="class","illeana b"]

[attr="class","illeana i"]"no."

she's holding on by a thin thread and it's quickly snapping.

"you're lying. you're fucking lying!"

she thinks of ALEXANDER STONE , of his reaction to the very man trying to convince her of their bond. the very man in front of her caused a rift in their relationship, a strain only made worse by tapu lele's scales. the words of a dead man come back here and now, echoing in her mind until it's all she hears.

i would be careful with him, illeana. i do not trust him.

it brings a painful question rising to the surface: did alex lie to her?

no... there's no way... he isn't -- wasn't -- that kind of man.

"don't lie to me about him, fernando. you don't have the right."

does she? does she have the right to speak of him now?

he still holds a special power over her. one that brings her to her knees, one that breaks her down completely. it's a power of love, loss, and regret. she's not surprised when she feels hot tears streaking her face.

softly, more to herself than fernando, she whispers, "i could have saved him."

FERNANDO SILPH