GOD
He/Him
41
December 25th
Spikemunth
Northeast
Monster
Rocket Beast
I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me.
TAG WITH @shredzeppelin
Shred
Uh oh. You've been spotted.
That's not surprising, really. You're in a meeting with dozens of people, it was inevitable that one of them would notice your existence. Still, just because you knew it could happen, doesn't mean you're happy that it did happen. Ideally, nobody would have realised you were even here, and you would've been allowed to spend a few hours mooching off their drinks without consequence. Alas, you are not a fortunate soul. No, nobody fortunate would be right here and right now. The coin tosses and dice rolls would have treated anyone fortunate far more kindly. Instead, you've ended up in a submarine, discussing topics way beyond your comprehension, trying to brew a drink that tastes suitably alcoholic.
Not that it will change the fact that nothing here is alcoholic. Really, you're banking on the placebo effect kicking in. Maybe, maybe if you make something that tastes enough like piss, it'll actually get you drunk? It's a long shot, but really, it's all you've got. But the time is up, the buzzer is ringing, and so on, and so on. You've been called to the table, to sit with the posers.
You sigh. It's a powerful sigh. Truly, a Hyper Beam of sighs. But a sigh can only be a sigh, not a Hyper Beam. So, with drink in hand, you meander over to join the meeting, glass in hand.
As you settle into your sheet, you're immediately drawn to the grotesque thing staring at you. At first, you've not even sure it's a real Pokemon. You assume it's some kind of synthetic abomination, birthed in a Rocket Laboratory. Surely, nothing born of nature could be so utterly hideous. But as you stare more at it, you feel a sense of familiarity building in your mind. It is real, isn't it? You remember seeing a beast just like it. It was the Motostoke Battle Classic 18, wasn't it? Yeah, that's right, there was that old hag of a trainer that specialised in feline-type Pokemon. Perrserkers and Liepards and all of that trash. Somehow, they placed top 16. They had one of these, didn't they? What was it called again? Uglycat? Yeah, sounds about right. It certainly is an ugly cat.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm here..."
With an encore of your previou sigh, you slump down, settling a bored eyes towards the front of the room. Really, at this point, you're not even sure what they're talking about. You thought this was supposed to be about Unown, but now they're talking about dating simulators? Why is that relevant? Wasn't this meeting supposed to be important? Why are they talking about virgin activity?
Simply put, this meeting seems like a poor match for your particular skillset.
Perhaps it would have helped if you had paid attention. Instead of listening, you're too busy thinking about all the moves you could be teaching Forretress right now. Spikes, maybe? Ooh, maybe Heavy Slam. That'd be good...
Calpurnia Kubrick
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