Oh, it's Howard.

You blink. Howard is participating in this tournament? Huh, weird. You didn't think he would, seeing as how regularly he professes to being bad at Pokemon Battling. He just doesn't seem like a very "Vital City" type of guy. Then again, maybe he's just trying to get some practice in, like you and Meltan are? If there were ever a time to try, then a big low-stakes tournament like this one would certainly be it. Whatever the case may be, you're up against a friend, so you can take this round extra easy.

"Stranger?" You blink again. Why is he acting like he doesn't know you all of a sudden? "Howard, are you high? We've literally been working together for more than a year, what the fuck are you talking about?"

Out of the corner of your eye, you see a producer's face drop as you both mention drugs AND swear on live daytime TV. Uh oh. Well, you hope the boys in the truck managed to censor that in time, or you might be paying a nasty fine after this...

"oh (°ｏ°) hello mr howard!" Meltan waddles forth, vigorously waving a little hand towards the archaeologist as he takes his place on the battlefield. "lets have a good clean fight (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ and have lots of fun!!!"

---

Gimmick, TERA; +15 on Even Rolls.
howard slayte

Wham! Howard slapped his face and groaned.

Shred was so fucking stupid. It was a miracle that some League Ranger hadn't clapped him in chains. Even more miraculous that he hadn't been left in a prison to die. Even more miraculous that he had even made it to Rocket Beast with how little the man had going on upstairs.

"I do NOT know this guy, for the record." Howard told the camera, crossing his arms. "This Meltan isn't talking to me. There is no Meltan Village."

"Erm... The producer cocked his head in confusion. "Meltan Village?"

"Doesn't matter! Doesn't exist!" Howard turned towards Shred. Man, the stories the grunts would tell. Beast Zeppelin versus Admin Slayte, the two heroes of the battle north of Dewford. The grunts likely expected some mighty battle between Shred's Lokix and Howard's Claydol.

Instead, there was... this.

"Serizawa, please be nice to Meltan. Please be nice to the little guy. Don't thrash him." Howard stared at the Larvitar. "Do NOT-"

Serizawa lunged forward with a yowl, attempting to thrash the Meltan into the dirt from which it came.

---

Shred
3/3 (no mechanic) + 10 (80)
34zUAK_o

"hello mr dinosaur (°▽°)/ are you mr howard's partner?" Meltan inquires, offering a friendly greeting to Serizawa. "you seem very strong (☆◡☆) i want to be the strongest meltan so lets have a strong fight together!"

What the FUCK is wrong with that Larvitar? Why does it sound like that? Is it rabid or something? You shoot Howard a look, but the moment you take your eyes off the thing, it immediately jumps forth to maul your beloved partner!

"Shit! Meltan, MOVE!"

"huh?"

And Meltan does move, in a way. He turns away from Serizawa and towards you, his head tilted slightly in confusion. Thus, he's completely defenseless as the Larvitar lunges forth, claws at the ready, and you can only stand there and watch as--

THUNK!

--The Larvitar miraculously threads the needle, its hand passing through Meltan's hexagonal head entirely. No, instead, his shoulder ends up smacking the golden nut, crashing right into the six edges and six corners at full force. You can't imagine how that feels, but you assume it's like hitting your leg on a coffee table six times over all at once. Hm... Ouch.

---

Gimmick, TERA; +15 on Even Rolls.
Bu4Yooio
Meltan WINS. 3/3 HP remaining.
howard slayte

Ouch. Serizawa shook the nut around, attempting to dislodge it from his shoulder. Meltan refused to budge, however, and Howard had to listen to it say things in its adorable little voice.

Howard didn't know why he could hear Meltan's voice. Maybe he and Shred were overdosing. Maybe their Gimmighouls had given them the ability to listen to Steel-type Pokemon. Maybe they were six seconds away from a heart attack, and their brains were misfiring neurons until they died. All Howard knew was that if this was the power he was given, it sucked.

Meltan being cute was not enough. Howard wanted a refund.

"Arceus above..." Howard rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming on. "How the FUCK-"

While Howard had a mental collapse at Meltan's メルタンカウンター [MELTAN COUNTER], Serizawa smacked the Meltan against the ground in a desperate attempt to get the creature off.

---

Shred
2/3
QfL6MEKr

Serizawa flailed and thrashed as he tried to get Meltan off of his face, an act that would immediately backfire. With every turn of his neck, the melty body of the Hex Nut would swing like nunchucks and smack into the Larvitar. The elbow, the knee, the back of the head, there wasn't a single spot on his body that was safe from the reckless swing of the little fellow's body. It was incredibly effective "attack", if it could even be called that.

Meltan certainly wouldn't call it that.

"wewowewowewowewowewo (@_@) please stop mr dinosaur im getting dizzy!"

On one hand, you're more than content to stand around and let Serizawa knock himself out on your behalf. On the other, you really hope that all this momentum doesn't end up making Meltan sick. The last time he threw up, you had to bring a metal grinder to your jeans to clean it up, and you REALLY don't want to do that again.

---

Gimmick, TERA; +15 on Even Rolls.
SNvsaEzu
Meltan WINS. 3/3 HP remaining.
howard slayte

The headache got worse. Howard was lucky that he was fighting Shred, because if this had happened with anyone else, it might've been less painful to take a swan dive into concrete. At least that way, this would be over faster.

"Oh, for fuck's sake." Howard hadn't been this angry since Shred his winning lottery number had been off by one. That had been an emotional rollercoaster. "Serizawa, you fucking dingus...! You can stop swinging Meltan around!"

Serizawa swung harder. The rhythm of Meltan striking a Larvitar's head was a drum beat that was only slightly more bearable than modern music, or whatever slurpcore Shred was listening to these days. Howard didn't know that a metal nut striking stone could be so annoying, but lo and behold, it could be.

It didn't help that Serizawa was still swinging around the Meltan. Was he concussed? Stupid? Spiteful? A masochist? Arceus only knew. Howard didn't want to know.

---

Shred
1/3 (no mechanic)
u|Vug3|G

Serizawa didn't stop. Serizawa wouldn't stop. Serizawa couldn't stop. Even if Arceus descended down from the heavens and commanded Serizawa to halt, the Larvitar would continue to swing his neck around and around and around with reckless abandon. It was the truest, purest definition of insanity. It feels like you're losing your mind.

But eventually, it has to come to an end. After about a hundred rotations, the nut would finally slip loose from the neck of the dinosaur, and Meltan would be flung high into the air. As he soars high through the sky, he looks around his surroundings. All around them in Lilycove, there were hundreds of people all fighting, all seeking to get stronger. And why? All in the pursuit of self-improvement, of becoming better than they were the day before. Given an exclusive glimpse of this inspiring sight, Meltan couldn't help but grin. Or, well, "grin". He's a Meltan. He doesn't have a mouth.

"ooo ( ´ ▽ ` ) how lovely"

And then, he came falling back down, descending to the earth at high speed, and proceeding to hit Serizawa with the most powerful Headbutt known to all of Meltankind.

---

Gimmick, TERA; +15 on Even Rolls.
8CItwyN6 + 15 = 55.
MELTAN SWEEP.
howard slayte

Donk. Howard's expression was priceless as Meltan's Headbutt rang out across the battlefield. If Shred had a camera, he'd totally be able to make a line of Admin Slayte merchandise. Hell, he'd probably be able to turn this battle into a feature-length movie. Team Rocket had the budget.

"Serizawa?" Howard asked hopefully, desperately, as if struggling to awaken from this nightmare. "Buddy...?"

Thud. Serizawa collapsed in a heap, defeated by Meltan of the Meltan Village.

There are no words as Howard returns Serizawa to his Pokeball. He looks up at Shred, before looking down at Meltan. After a few wordless motions, he speaks.

"You're strong, Meltan." It's the highest honor the Rocket Admin can bestow unto Shred's strongest warrior. His path to becoming the strongest Meltan was becoming clearer and clearer. One day, he'd reach the pinnacle of Meltans. Howard looked up at Shred. "I need a drink. They're doing Happy Hour at Applinbee's. You in?"

---

Shred
0/3

"yippee!"

Though it isn't the most impressive victory in the world, Meltan is more than happy to take this win, and so are you. Sure, it doesn't actually mean anything, but it's good for your self-esteem! And Arceus knows it needs a boost, given how bad this tournament is going.

You prepare to leave, but Howard makes the offer of Happy Hour at Applinbee's. Hm... Yeah, why not? After all, it's 9PM somewhere in the world, right? You can treat it as a celebration for your "hard"-"fought" victory. Besides, given the murderous look that the producer is giving you, it's probably best to lay low on the tournament matches for a while.

"Count me in."

---

TOTAL MELTAN VICTORY.
howard slayte