Had he said that before? That he was an exceptional trainer? Her own brow crinkles in mild confusion, so sure he had painted himself otherwise. He'd downplayed his skill, or so she remembered, at least.[break][break]

A lot could change in two years. Memories could fray. She'd long learned to stop trusting her own account of history, save for the truth of how others made her feel.[break][break]

"I want to know," she repeats quietly. The Shaymin squirms restlessly in her grasp, seeking a warmth she won't provide. "You're not the first person to tell me these things, but I have yet to meet someone who means them."[break][break]

You can run, and run, and run, but the shadow never stops chasing you. No matter how many days you hide in an ivy-wreathed cottage, or how many nights you lose talking to a stranger to stave off the nightmares of the life you left behind.[break][break]

"It's hard for me to believe someone, if it's a path they haven't walked before."

[attr="class","ooc"] FERNANDO SILPH[break][break]

[attr="class","pkmn"]

There's respect in silence.[break][break]

After he answers, she doesn't disturb the sanctity of that moment, merely listening as she lowers herself to join him on the ground.[break][break]

"I believe you," she says, though she isn't sure which grief she believes. His eye, maybe. The loss of his Avatarship, perhaps. The death of his family, even. He could mourn many things, though he'd denied that regret so many times before.[break][break]

Until recently, she reminds herself. That thought lingers awkwardly behind, like a puzzle piece she can't find a place for yet.[break][break]

"I think... people just distract themselves. As long as they can, at least, until they're forced to remember everything again."[break][break]

Her Shaymin crawls up on her shoulder, shaking its fur before draping itself around her neck. She debates if she should say what she does next.[break][break]

"It's not always pleasant," she warns him softly, "waking up from the dream."

[attr="class","ooc"] FERNANDO SILPH[break][break]

[attr="class","pkmn"]

Time slows as his hand draws close to her face. She freezes in place, breath catching in her throat as she closes her eyes on reflex.[break][break]

The mind may forget, but the body remembers how it has been wronged. Hers has been wronged in many ways by many men.[break][break]

Did he know, that night she'd first allowed him to know her, how long it had been since she'd known safety in another's arms? She'd lied and told herself she was someone else with him. Someone braver. Someone unruined.[break][break]

Here, she has nothing to shield herself against the awfulness of who she is, except for the shimmer of pink mist that dances in his eyes. And even that, she believes, can't lie exquisitely enough to save her.[break][break]

Somehow the inevitable touch doesn't come. Her Shaymin stirs, an affectionate mewl appreciating the attention he lavishes on the Pokemon. She exhales, releasing a breath she'd not realized she was holding.[break][break]

"And if I'm the distraction?" she asks, blinking open a single eye to catch his unwavering stare.[break][break]

She doesn't expect the piercing way he looks at her, and all of a sudden she wishes the moon wasn't shining in all its splendor, so she could hide her face from him in the night.[break][break]

"You assume everyone is walking forward. Some of us seem to walk backward, no matter what we do."

[attr="class","ooc"] FERNANDO SILPH[break][break]

[attr="class","pkmn"]

Where he becomes sure of his answer, she wavers in her own.[break][break]

Unbothered by any internal strife, the Shaymin joyously leaps into the man's arms, trusting it will be caught in the way all infantile creatures trust in the inherent goodwill of others.[break][break]

She stares at him now with both eyes open, struggling to determine what it is she wants from him, if anything.[break][break]

'And what do you owe him?' another small voice asks, one that she's afraid to answer. 'When he realizes what it is you've done to him, intentional or no, what debt will he expect you to pay?'[break][break]

This would be easier if she had even half of his arrogance. This would be simpler if she had made this choice consciously, instead of had the choice made for her by a deity she has yet to understand.[break][break]

"You asked what I can produce," she says at length, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes question him before her lips do the same. "What did you mean by that? Is there something you believe I'm meant to do?"[break][break]

Ruination is her birthright. She's reconciled herself to that end.[break][break]

But he does not speak like a man who has accepted the fate of the condemned, as she has.

[attr="class","ooc"] FERNANDO SILPH[break][break]

[attr="class","pkmn"]

She looks at him blankly, understanding his words intellectually while emotionally unable to grapple with their meaning.[break][break]

Is this how other people live? Do they work endlessly towards ambitions they expect to see rewarded, and then bask in the fruits of those efforts?[break][break]

It's so hard for her to imagine. Only gardening has ever offered her such consistency, and even that has eluded her for over a year now.[break][break]

"You're right. Nothing is forever," she says instead. Already she knows this moment is proof of that. Bitterly, she wonders how quickly he will turn on her again, and whether or not she will be startled by the inevitable turn when it comes.[break][break]

If BARNABY FINCH could turn on her, then nothing and no one would remain safe. This man most of all.[break][break]

"I've always suspected we have something in common," she ventures, watching the way her Shaymin curls up comfortably in this stranger's arms. "Our work is thankless. The League relishes in what you accomplish, not you. My work is much the same."[break][break]

The destruction of MATIAS SILPH and kyle lopez had been a win for declan walsh and Rocket. It had been her handiwork, but not her victory.[break][break]

"It's been a long time since I accomplished something worth doing, all on my own merits and my own ambitions."

[attr="class","ooc"] FERNANDO SILPH[break][break]

[attr="class","pkmn"]

"Because there's a difference between a desire and a need."[break][break]

Her own tone sharpens a bit, though not with anger, but with chastisement. Life has taught her to minimize her own wants, to be vigilant of what is expected of her so that she can dance that tightrope without falling.[break][break]

"I perform what is needed, regardless of whether I desire to do so. I put my survival first."[break][break]

She levels him with a withering look, one that sends her Shaymin anxiously burrowing into the crook of his neck.[break][break]

"You should know better than anyone that power comes with the burden of more responsibility. With it, the less your own wants matter. You begin to represent something more than yourself. You, the individual, start to be erased."[break][break]

Her arms cross, and when she fails to suppress the scowl that betrays her displeasure at her predicament, she forces herself to gaze skyward at the moon.[break][break]

"Whether or not you want to be."

[attr="class","ooc"] FERNANDO SILPH[break][break]

[attr="class","pkmn"]