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[attr="class","samjermain"]Aww! Jay-Jay was here! Time to blue him a kiss!

Perfectly made lips lifted in a tiny smirk. Her head fell back against her chair, rivers of curls falling across it like a waterfall. “This is why I do not let men pick paint.” The scientist purrs. “Hundreds of shades you could use and you go with blue.” From this position, Calpurnia observes the gathering crowd. Observant, predatory eyes quickly pinpoint the most important faces. Many of them she knew already. Kelpie made a point of keeping things that way.

Call her nosy or manipulative, if you will, but networking was truly the key to success. A lonely lion soon died. Which is why, when she saw a few unfamiliar faces, the woman crooks a manicured finger at them. The first gesture went to Shred

Keen eyes first caught on her little baby intern, Ollie. The smile she gave looked like something belonging to a fey queen. It somehow managed to be equal parts alluring, mysterious, and disconcerting. “Aww, don’t be such a wallflower, Ollie. Live a little!” Then, the woman shifted her gaze to Shred . Yowza. A man who pulled off long hair—without looking like a neanderthal or castaway—truly tickled all sorts of buttons. “And, you, sweetie, there’s no need to be shy.” A gesture was given to the seats beside her. “There’s plenty of room up here with me and Purrsy.” The giant cat turned to stare at the riffraff his partner had invited over. He did not seem amused.

But, then, she saw the blonde. Something about @algernon 's standoffish manner drew her brow up. A man who could hold his words? Well, to Calpurnia, such things were just a Cloyster for her to crack. “You look like a 1950s bully stereotype, love. Do come take a seat.” Kelpie tittered. “I am sure this will be quite the lecture.

And, when Lulu spoke, the bioengineer’s theory was proven correct. A surprisingly serious air descended over the woman. Her nails tapped at her knees as the two admins detailed their plans. “I just want to clarify—” Kelpie paused for a moment. “--that I am not certain I trust the judgment of an all-powerful goat who thinks an armless centaur and a walking Heimlich maneuver are intimidating.” The talk of electromagnetism drew a thoughtful pursing to the woman’s lips.

The little alphabet soup gremlins were irritating little creatures. Dissecting one would be quite enjoyable. Perhaps humans could harness their imagination abilities to not be such walking dumpster fires. “If I may, Miss Sato?” A thought had come to mind. “I believe it would be interesting to see if they are attracted to biological waves as well. Toxtricity—in Galar—have shown an ability to transmit such waves in their Gigantamax form.” Calpurnia paused for a moment. “It would be a more mobile option than a tower, and less prone to…” Here her nose wrinkled like a grumpy Dedenne. “...hijackings.”

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Ugh! What possessed people to do this voluntarily?!

This question stood at the forefront of Calpurnia’s thoughts as she made her way through the woods. While normally dressed to impress, she’d shown some amount of restraint. This could be seen in the muted color palette of her clothes and her hip-hugging cargo pants. Her typical heels had been exchanged for a more sensible pair of hiking boots. Though, as she’d just bought the damnable things, Kelpie began to wonder if she’d been better off going barefoot.

At her side strolled the only Pokemon whose presence Calpurnia tolerated. It appeared, however, that the Purugly could not tolerate the outdoors. Every atom of his being emanated disdain. His normally luxurious fur was covered in branches and dirt--it was absolutely abhorrent! Then, of course, came the fact that this trek was tiring. With most of his physical activity centered around walks to the food bowl, the great, elegant cat did not meet the criteria of an athlete. Still, as miserable as he was, he tried his best to emanate pride. He did not intend to break before Kelpie after all.

What almost broke, in fact, was Calpurnia’s ankle. A tricky tree root lay hidden in the underbrush. It’d gone unnoticed by the pair of reluctant hikers until she’d planted her foot in its fork. With a noise of alarm, the scientist fell to the forest floor. Dead leaves rose in a flurry.

“Agh!” The woman shrieked as she wrenched her foot out of the tree's grasp. With seething violet eyes, she turned to it. “You know I’m rather glad I made that defoliant now, Purr-Purr. Fuck my Green Peace period.” A ridiculous name for a pompous, disdainful creature. “Maybe it’s time for an upgrade.” A breeze rattled the forest as the woman shifted herself onto a fallen log. The cat stared up at his companion with a familiar sense of superiority.

With a gentle pull, she tugged her boot off to examine the damage.

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[attr="class","samjermain"]While not a fan of Pokemon—quite the opposite, in fact—Calpurnia knew Purrseus could not handle everything. Her poor whisker muffin deserved tuna fish and shiatsu massages. He certainly did not deserve to hold unruly little experiments in place for anesthesia. Asking the interns for help, meanwhile, quickly became taxing. They never understood her vision. With them, it was always whys and how comes. And, it did not take long for that silliness to become irksome. Then, of course, came the idea of asking her little groin gremlins for help. But they were no better than the grunts at the office. So, in the end, Calpurnia decided to follow an old adage.


She wanted it done right. So, she would put on her big girl pantsuit and do it herself.


After a bit of research, the woman set her sights on Mount Pyre. With his normal typing making him poorly suited to this mission, the typically present Purugly was nowhere to be found. Instead, a Vivillion hovered just over her shoulders. Its compound eyes scanned the area surrounding them. Quiet as a shadow, the pair wove their way through the field of graves. Occasionally a manicured hand would trail across the top of a tombstone, pausing to admire its design. “What a distasteful name.” Calpurnia sniffed derisively at one particularly worn engraving. “I’d leave my loved ones behind if my name was Harold.” Violet eyes shot to the butterfly at her shoulder, lips pursing slightly.


The bug-type gifted her with obligatory laughter.


Fortunately for the travelers, the path free of Mount Pyre came quickly. When they emerged into the lightly forested path, Calpurnia took a deep breath. “I was not aware that place would be a sad sack convention.” You would think—with all the war and silly animals dressing up as gods—that people would find something to do than waste tears on worm food. But humans were a silly, stubborn little bunch.


Lifting opera glasses to her nose, Kelpie set out to find mommy’s newest little helper.

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[attr="class","samjermain"]She could rewrite the very fabric of life. Beings of the elements were set aquiver by the scalpel and syringe in her hand. Obviously, preparing cupcakes for an office party would be child’s play. Or, at the least, that would be what her husband led her to believe.

At the moment, it looked like that child had violent, sociopathic tendencies. Apparently, the lock on the mixer needed to be clicked into place before you flipped the damnable thing on. A lesson that—judging by the state of her kitchen—would not be soon forgotten. Deep red coated almost every surface in sight. It ruined the monochromatic counters and stained the white cabinets.

The flying batter completely missed the scientist’s apron as well, leaving her cheeks and skin dotted with streaks of blood-red sludge. With what remained in the bowl, only six or seven cupcakes were feasible. Still, she supposed six were better than zero. While cleaning herself off, Calpurnia lost track of time. When she returned to the kitchen, the cupcakes in the oven were closer to charcoal than edible.

A glance at the clock made her sigh. Preparing another batch of cupcakes before the children’s bedtime would be quite the tall order. Perhaps the time had arrived to call in a teensy-weensy flavor. So, she sent a text to Gerry Bear. One with the word help in all caps and a crying emoji.

A big manly knock set the door trembling. Calpurnia checked her camera to see her all-grown-up nephew posing like a goon in an action comic. “Just a second, Ger!” Calpurnia called as she pushed the door open. What seemed to be blood was all over her apron and face, but she didn’t look inuredShe pulled him into a hug, crushing him against her chest. “You look like the extra in a gothic opera!” Calpurnia clicked her tongue. “Are you allergic to color?”

The smell of burnt baked goods flowed outward.

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[attr="class","credit"]milky