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allowing a long drawn sigh at the realization his hope was misplaced, derek holds his hands up to ensure mister boyfriend knows he's giving in.
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"look, i'm sorry. i should have, but i didn't think to run it by you since, well..." derek was the one who let her get captured. sure, it was a little more complicated than that. but as they could both see, greyson's ire quickly boiled to the surface. and it seemed he was quite eager to act on his feelings.
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"i wanted something to help my pokemon follow her scent." the ranger hated how that happened to sound. breaking into a girl's house like this. looking for something that carried her smell. if it were for any other reason, it would be easy to label him as some kind of creep. even now, he could practically feel some kind of accusation coming.
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regardless, a pokeball is used to summon the poochyena in derek's care. it stands between, baring it's teeth as quickly as greyson had. with that tense grip on the aegilash, it was easy to pick up on the hostility in the air...
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"getting into it with you doesn't help her." in fact, there was nothing helping anna's case. being able to follow their trail was unlikely. but as with any search, one had to find somewhere to start. "i wasn't going to just sit around while she wastes away in a cell. " and derek wasn't going to ask greyson for permission to search for her either.
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"i know you probably blame me. hate my guts. it's not an issue. i'm not exactly happy with myself either." the league lost in the ultra deep sea. there was nothing to feel good about in this situation. everything was fucked. had derek known the mission would be a failure... perhaps he would have focused more on getting anna back.

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"it's not what they can't. it's what they wont." there was too much going on. the league made no official statements on their efforts to locate and rescue those who were taken. seemed as if they were turning their back on those who risked so much for the league. yet another tally for derek's growing list of anti-league sentiments...
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"but no answer i give is going to satisfy you."
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his eyes linger on sword, hoping greyson would stay his blade. it was anna's house that would be ruined if the guy forced a fight. she didn't need to come back to that.
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"way i see it... either i try to find anna, or i give up on her for good." the guilt of being the one there when it happened made the latter next to impossible. "but i didn't let her get captured to leave her for dead. i did it because the other option was the bullet." but maybe he was going about it the wrong way.
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looking for anna was the obvious play. the one rockets would expect. but that masked man didn't account for the identity slip when his disguise was damaged during their battle. the guilt and trauma he experienced brought back images of that day. dreams that reminded derek of everything he'd seen.
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"but there's another angle i can work this from if mister boyfriend is really that bent on keeping her odds of rescue at slim to none."

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finally. though one couldn't hold it against greyson for begrudging him, derek wanted to be past the blame. to move on, like hoenn always did.
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"though i'd still try, tracking her my way might never work." derek couldn't say how high of a risk they considered a prior head ranger to be. how guarded, or remote the location might be. above ground, underground, or even undersea. recent events helped to elaborate just how expansive rocket's network of hideouts had come to be.
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"but i don't have to find her." though described to the best of his ability, nobody knew that man's face the way derek did. "the rocket who took her is just as good. hell, any rocket of rank could probably tell us." of course, this assumed they managed to accomplish taking one down. forcing them to talk.
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"but with anna likely in some kind of cell, they won't have the same leverage as before." a dragged out sigh is derek's way of admitting it's still another shot in the dark. there were holes in his plan, sure. but nothing about hostage rescues or jailbreaks was easy. and no prison was perfect.
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"i'll give you a ring if i find the guy. figured you wouldn't want me to mess up again." as much as the guilt made derek feel he should see this through, it just wasn't there. he was done trying to play the boyfriend's part. greyson should be there to recue anna, just like he should've been with her inside that portal.

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"And?" The prospect that he could meet a premature demise followed closely behind on damn near every venture he'd been on. Even willingly submitting himself for deletion during the cyberchase some time ago.
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"A lot of what we do for the league could kill us."
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Though approval would be nice, merely looking for signs of where Anna might be didn't feel like an awfully dangerous position to be in. But say he did take her thoughts and feelings into consideration. "She's going to be all messed up no matter what happens."
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There was no telling how she was being treated. Plenty of ranking members of the league found themselves on rocket's operating table. Whether she received that kind of treatment, or something more gentle like rotting in a dead quiet cell... Something about Anna would be gone.
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"So what are you proposing I do? Nothing?"

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The implication he wasn't thinking this through aroused an ire that couldn't be acted upon. It came from a good place. Or at the very least, it wasn't bad.
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"I'm just trying to help find her." The region was a little large of a haystack for any hope of finding their needle. Even if desperate, they needed to do what they could to compensate for the League's inaction.
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And it made the responsibility he felt towards Anna grow. That she was there to fight alongside him on behalf of the league, but it would play no true part in her rescue. "If I wanted to be so reckless, I would just force the issue at the first hideout I could find."
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Yet he had come to care for her. And knowing what they'd done to other lead figures of the League, like Fernando Silph and his eye...
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"If you want me to take the backseat now, to do nothing, then I better get a call when you decide to make your move."

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There is little more to be said after Greyson breaks through the quiet succeeding Derek's demands. And surely nothing that could bring peace to the inner turmoil this situation wrought upon his conscience. Even so, there was gratitude to be offered for such consideration.
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"...Th-... Thank you."
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The waivering, shaky break in the words he uttered would be rather telling, even if the ranger turned for the exit to hide his face. It was a shame like no other. He was never more sorry for something. Never more willing to make things right. Never more desperate.
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END OF THREAD