Out of the frying pan, and into the fire. Or, in this case, off of the tracks and into the market. Dealing with a violent penguin is one thing, but a runaway train? That’s another issue entirely. On the bright side, if one is willing to play the game of physics, it’s one that’s more than predictable. On the dim side, none of the minds gathered here were nearly bright enough for that sort of thing.

So, time for a more immediate solution - If they couldn’t stop the train, they would simply destroy it.

The endeavour started with schuyler tate’s Ditto Bundle, who launched a barrage of Air Cutters towards the train. That was swiftly followed up by a Bonemerang from virgil roach’s Cubone and a Hyper Voice from trinity beckman’s Zoroark. Then, as a cherry on top, luka chêne’s Lopunny delivered a well-placed Hi Jump Kick. By the time the last attack had landed, large chunks of cheap and fragile plastic casing had fallen off the train, revealing the metal frame underneath. Unfortunately, said frame was far heavier and far more durable than the decorations overtop it, and suffered little more than a few dents and cracks. It didn’t even so much as budge.

Meanwhile, in the midst of the chaos, robin coello’s Gengar and luka chêne’s Sylveon both sought to debilitate the conductor of this crashing train. Mesmeric energy and twirling ribbons were both aimed at the Paradox Pokemon, trying to stop it from causing further harm. However, much like the neverending cycles of violence, the Iron Bundle couldn’t be stopped.

Sprinting forward, the robot dodged all efforts to contain it before leaping off the train, abandoning it entirely. Thus, without anyone to watch over it, the locomotive slipped off into the distance, trekking into the horizon. How many lives would it go on to touch? How many days would it ruin? How many Pokemon would it run over? Nobody could know the answers to these questions, except for the last one, which was “at least two”. Alas, it was leaving this story behind, but it would live on forever in the hearts and minds of those with the misfortune to be involved in the “Iron Bundle Incident of 2023”.

Godspeed, you train emperor.

The Iron Bundle would make its landing upon a nearby Christmas tree, perching upon the highest point as though it were a star. From that lofty vantage, it would look down upon its opponents, radiating disgust and contempt in equal measure. It was as though it was looking at cockroaches, hideous and unworthy things that nevertheless refused to die. So, pushed to the limits of its irritation, it would finally break out the big guns.

Reaching into its sack, the Iron Bundle would fish about for a second, before finally pulling out its secret weapon: A Z-Crystal.

---

The next deadline for this thread is 6th December 2023, 8PM GMT.
schuyler tate robin coello virgil roach trinity beckman luka chêne

The Iron Bundle made a mad dash for the post office, and everyone else made a mad dash to stop it. They’d managed to keep the shenanigans under control for now, but if the penguin got its hands on another sack full of contraband? There was no way they’d be able to stop the situation from escalating!

Luckily, things started off well. The frightful visage of John Sullivan’s Silvally, paired with the intimidating presence of Hyakkaryōran Tsubaki’s Arbok, was enough to spook even the steel will of the futuristic penguin. Its flippers began to seize up as its programming experienced errors, unable to handle this data that it hadn’t been programmed to receive. Its metal body could not sweat, its bright eyes could not go so wide, and its vocal processors could not scream.

As the robot grappled with the newfound emotion of “fear”, it proved the perfect distraction, allowing Elise Calcifet’s Mismagius to connect with a powerful Mystical Fire. The force of the blow sent the Paradox Pokemon tumbling down to the ground, and left a black burn mark on the back of its shiny red body.

But that wasn’t enough to stop it. Still, the penguin persisted, dragging both itself and John Sullivan along the ground and towards the post office door. It was only a few more metres away. A few more metres, and it would be able to fill its sack to the brim with gifts for the good boys and girls of the world. A few more metres, and it would be able to save Christmas…!

But it was too late. Momo Sakai’s Tinkaton and Jack Napier’s Garchomp both rushed forth, looking to land the decisive finishing blow. This was it. The Iron Bundle had fallen victim to tunnel vision, and now, its entire mission was about to derail. Try as it might, it seemed that this would be the end of the line…

...Chuggachuggachuggachuggachuggachugga--
CRASH!
--Chuggachuggachuggachuggachuggachugga…

Out of nowhere, a runaway train came careening down the road, sliding along on frozen wheels, and proceeded to completely pancake both Tinkaton and Garchomp alike. What the hell? Where did that even come from? What was going on?! But alas, as soon as it had arrived, the train left, leaving many questions and no answers. There was no logical explanation for it. It could only be described as a Christmas miracle!

And it also gave the Iron Bundle enough time to crawl along those last few metres, stretch out its arm, and reach for the post office door…

…Which proceeded to swing open, revealing a second, bigger Iron Bundle.

The newcomer took stock of the situation. One of its peers, a fellow postal worker, was laying in front of it, out of supplies and clearly damaged. Meanwhile, across the road were a group of miscreants and hooligans, all of whom were clearly harassing this poor delivery bot. It didn’t take a genius to predict how it would react.

Taking aim with its sack, the second Iron Bundle, henceforth called Iron Bundle B, fired out a Hydro Pump, looking to wash away the group of grinches before they could do any more damage. Meanwhile, the first Iron Bundle, henceforth called Iron Bundle 1, would mirror this attack with an Ice Beam, seeking to catch those trying to avoid the Hydro Pump mid-dodge.

As if dealing with one defective Iron Bundle wasn’t enough, now they had to deal with two! Or, well, one defective one and one misinformed one. But all things considered, that was the least of their worries right now!

---

The next deadline for this thread is 6th December 2023, 8PM GMT.
Hyakkaryōran Tsubaki Elise Calcifet Jack Napier Momo Sakai John Sullivan

"Fuck, fuck, fuck...!"

This is a mess. You've got the pedal to the metal, but this shitter of a truck just isn't fast enough to lose the heat. You glance at at the door mirrors, and catch a glimpse of the horde of furious Voltorb tailing behind you. Argh, don't these bastards know when to quit? They're even worse than the cops!

It's around this time that Oscar comes to, asking what the fuck happened. That was a good question. What the fuck happened?

Well, it had all started the moment you opened the door. That had triggered an alarm, which put a real time crunch on your little heist. It also meant that stealth was out the window, so you had no choice to go loud. You ended up getting stuck fighting the security guards for far too long, and that meant you didn't have much time before the pigs showed up. So, you didn't have much choice but to rip the generator out of the machine it had been powering, which turned out to be a highly advanced prototype PC, which ended up spitting out all of its Pokemon at once. Needless to say, they weren't very happy to see you. After that...

"You got hit by a Spore. Or maybe a Hypnosis?" You explain, refusing to take your eyes off the road for even a second. "I wasn't really paying attention. I was too busy lugging along that generator while I ran for my life. But, your robot carried you out, so alls well that ends well, huh?"

Arceus, you need a cigarette. Or two. Or seven. Once this is all said and done, you're going to be smoking so many cigarettes that you look like a human chimney. Until then? You've just got to keep on surviving, but considering your enemy, that's easier said than done.

"Alright, smart guy, what's the plan? Because I've been driving for the last fifteen minutes straight, and these bomb cunts aren't showing any signs of slowing down!"

---

oscar clayton

It uses these empty Z-Move crystals? You pull one of them out of your pocket, and raise it up to eye-level. So, are these like Megalopolan currency? Were they just walking around with wallets packed full of these things? Idly, you push one into the vending machine's slot, stroking your chin as it slowly dispenses another dubious soda. Why Z-Move crystals, though? They already had a purpose, namely for using Z-Moves. Why double up? It'd be like if Slateport used empty beer cans as currency. It just didn't make any sense to you.

KERCHUNK! A second can drops down, and you grab it, crack it open, and take a sip. It tastes like red onion, drain cleaner, and hotdog water. Still, not the worst energy drink you've ever had in your life.

"Alright, yeah, lets call it quits." Your declare, looking at Andrea with detached disinterest. You got some decent scouting done for the day, but you're not going to get any real work done with her hanging around. So, it's time to call today a wash and try again tomorrow. Hopefully next time, you won't run into any mentalist cosplayers. "Let's get out of here. Take me to whatever wormhole you--"

Honk.

Honk? Immediately, your head snaps towards the source of the comical noise, which is, of course, a strange malformed clown standing in the doorway. Why wouldn't it be a hideous clown monster? The Ultra Plant was full of sentient wires and bricks, of course Lesser Megalopolis had a weird clown! You cross your arms as you look towards what you presume to be an Ultra Beast, clearly unimpressed. Then, after a moment's pause, the clown's bulbous head began to make a high-pitched hissing sound, like that of a lit fuse that was quickly reaching its end.

...Uh oh.

---

Andrea Vaneau
yjIjhp0t

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd you've fucked it.

Lulu is pissed. From the sound of it, she's an even bigger wreck than you are right now, and considering you're Shred Zeppelin, that's saying something. Course, the difference is that you're more of a "sex and drugs and rock'n'roll", and she's more "worrying lack of self-care". You're like a suped-up Ferrari going a hundred miles an hour while actively on fire, while she's like a dumpy Mini Cooper that's half-submerged in a lake and slowly sinking deeper. Not that you're calling her dumpy, mind! For being on a week of no food or sleep, she's looking pretty good! Well, except for the bloodshot eyes, but...

Shit. It feels like you've just stepped on a land mine, and the moment you step off, everything is going to blow up on your face. She's staring daggers at you, and the undertones of disdain in her voice are so apparent that they're impossible to miss. You can only describe it as excruciating. It makes you wish you were back in that cave getting beaten to death, because at least you couldn't screw that up.

You need to disarm this situation, and clearly, you can't rely on your own experiences to get you through this. You need to think like someone smarter, someone more sciencey-minded. What would howard slayte tell you to do in this situation?

"Man, you should really learn when to cut your losses. There's a chapter on retreating in the Poke-art of War that I bought you."

Hm. At a glance, it's not a bad idea. Things aren't going well? Just walk out. It's a tempting prospect, but it doesn't hold up to any kind of scrutiny whatsoever. Why would you even expect Howard to know anything about this, anyway? He's Howard. He's too busy with his archaeology and his spreadsheets to know the first thing about women. What about Navy? He's got like, a wife or something, right? What advice would he give you?

"Come on, man. Be persistent. Chicks dig a guy who'll never give up."

Hm. Is that advice better? It doesn't feel better. Sure, it being persistent right now could get you where you need to be, but it could also get you punched straight in the face. Then again, Navy isn't much of an intellectual either, is he? You're running out of options here. For a split-second, you glance over to Penrose as he fiddles with your hair. Come on, buddy. Be the lighthouse to guide this lost sailor out of stormy seas. What are you supposed to do?

...

Hm. Yeah, that was a long shot, wasn't it? He's a Poipole, not a miracle worker. Alright, well, fuck it. You just have to go with the wildcard. What would Grigori Sokolov tell you to do?

Mr. Shred, she is clearly not doing well. Even if the universe is at the whim of these tera crystals and multi-universes, they ultimately mean little to our current situation. She even said it herself: no sleep in a week? Not eating well? Sure-fire signs of mental deterioration. Imagine yourself right after a hangover. Would you be in the best of mind either? Not at all. But she ackowledged it. Self awareness is the first step to admitting there is a problem. Lulu seems smart and capable, too. It might--

Fuckin' hell, alright, you get it! Arceus wept, imaginary Grigori, cut to the fucking chase, yeah? Sheesh... Well, he's not exactly wrong. The problem is obvious, And so is the solution - She needs to go eat, sleep, and generally unfuck herself. But you can't exactly do that for her, can you? What are you supposed to do, force her...?

"...Alright, Lulu: I'm giving you the week off." You decide, taking a step to the side to put some distance between you and the scientist. "Paid, of course, and I'll handle all the paperwork and the bureaucracy and the like. Hell, I'll even make sure it doesn't eat into your leave, too. Any complaints?"

---

Lulu Flint

PURCHASING/REDEEMING

welcome to the poké mart!

3X Salac Berries (150 PD)
3X Type 1 Evos - Silicobra to Sandaconda (THE GOAAAAAAAAAAAAT), Buneary to Lopunny, Charcadet to Armarouge (300 PD)

HARVESTING

be sure to visit the pretty petal flower shop near rustboro!

3X Salac Berries (Planted 1st Nov, Harvested 29th Nov)

TOTAL

do come again!

450 PD

"FUCK!"

You throw yourself out of the way of the gout of searing flame, tumbling across the tiled floor and sliding until you hit the wall. It's a hard landing, sure, but it's way better than getting burnt black by fire. Damned piece of shit... If he thinks he can get away with this, then he's got another thing coming! You're going to crush that thing's shell beneath your goddamned boot! Enraged, you blindly snatch one of the Pokeballs from your belt, and proceed to toss it out towards the snail.

"KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER!"

And emerging from that flash of red was a creature out of time. Talons clacked against ceramic tiles as feathers rustled in quiet contemplation. A pair of red eyes peered out from under a sedge hat of plumage, looking towards Wo-Chien. A predator, staring at prey. The question is, which was which?

"It seems that you are my enemy today." The Hisuian Decidueye declared, outstretching a winged arm. "Make your peace and say your prayers, creature of evil, for today is the day you fall."

With that confident declaration, the owl sprinted forth, leaping up above the Aerodactyl and diving down to deliver a Brave Bird to the body of the Wo-chien.

---

Elisabeth Fiorelli howard slayte Grigori Sokolov

I Want Nessa To Beat Me To Death (Complimentary)

---

DAY 1 - Pokeball, 3 Pokeballs
DAY 2 - Chimney, 1 Fire Move
DAY 3 - Spruce, 1 Salac
DAY 4 - Swift Swim, 1 Water Move
DAY 5 - Turtle dove, 1 Incense
DAY 6 - Mistletoe, 1 Cute Charm Potion
I didn't do Day 7 sorry I forgot
DAY 8 - Tinsel, 1 Gacha
Yeah I missed more days sorry
DAY 12 - Money, 1 Free Evo
I missed a lot of days what can I say.
DAY 16 - Cranberry, 1 Z-Move
Alright I'm blaming these ones on Vacation Fatigue
DAY 22 - Crimbo Song, 1 Preemo Gacha

You listen to Lulu's explanation with mild interest, all while continuing to watch Penrose. Weirdly, watching her jump like that was kind of cute. It makes her seem less like some kind of divine science prophet and more like a regular human being, and that alone is enough to make you ease up a little. As you Poipole high fives your hand, a slight grin creeps upon your face. Does he know? You're not sure. If it was any other Pokemon, you'd just assume it was animal instinct, but with Ultra Beast? You can never really know. There's just something about them that always leaves you--

"--Wait, destruction of the multiverse?"

The fuck? Did you black out or something? How did you get from Tera Crystals and Paradox Pokemon to the total annihilation of everything everywhere all at once? At first, you thought you must've misheard her, or that she must've misspoke, or that you might have just missed out on some earlier context, but no. She said destruction of the multiverse, and she meant destruction of the multiverse. And then, not one sentence later, she goes back to comparing it to the parasite, as though the possibility of absolute cosmic armageddon was on the same level as a Parasect infestation.

It's a lot to take in. Too much, honestly. And the more you think about it, the more messy it gets. Like... You've got a Paradox Pokemon hanging from your belt right now. You've got a Tera Orb sitting in your pocket, too. Hell, one of your Paradox Pokemon even has a Tera Type! Are all these things just symptoms of some unfathomable rot upon existence? Do they really have the power to warp reality like that? And could they really bring about the end of the world as you know it? You can barely even process it all. It just sounds so bleak.

Finally, after a terribly long pause, you find it within yourself look Lulu in the eye, and ask an incredibly stupid question.

"Are you okay? Like, emotionally?"

---

Lulu Flint

"Quick!" You drop the matches and reach down to your belt, frantically grabbing Salandit's Pokeball. "Call back your Kingambit! We've got to stop them before they--"

BOOM!!!

Too late. The Kowtow Cleave rips into the fuel tank, and the Flamethrower ignites the gasoline, and before you know it, the whole thing has exploded. You stand there, mouth agape, as your van turns into a burning husk before your very eyes. It's an emotional experience, watching the very first thing you bought in Hoenn being consumed by flames. Your old reliable van, bought for three hundred Pokedollars from a legal and reputable chop shop. It was your one shelter from the cold and uncaring world, the one place where you could eat and sleep and laugh and drink and-- Oh, who are you kidding? You have no attachment to this hunk of junk whatsoever. It might just be the worst fucking vehicle you've ever owned in your life. Honestly, it's a small miracle it survived this long.

FWOOSH! There's a second smaller explosion, and the ash-covered bodies of Salandit and Kingambit are launched out from the fiery wreck, landing in a heap right in front of you. The good news is, neither of them seem too badly hurt, which is a relief. The bad news is, well, y'know, the fact that your van exploded.

"Bweh..."

Taking a deep breath, you return Salandit to his Pokeball, and crouched down. At the very least, you can still enjoy a cigarette for your efforts. So, you grab your dropped box of matches, picking them up from the puddle... That they fell in... Getting them wet...

"...Gregory, I think your Kingambit is a cunt." You declare. Walking over to what was once your van, you proceed to stick the end of your cigarette into the burning wreck, lighting it. Then, as you take a long puff to help suppress your violent urges, you pull out your phone and begin scrolling through your contacts. "We're still fifteen miles out, and there's no way in hell I'm walking, so we're splitting a cab the rest of the way. That's fine with you, right?"

---

Grigori Sokolov

Breaking and entering, huh? You'd think that after you got that promotion to Rocket Beast, you'd be above petty jobs like this one, but you guess not. In a way, it's kind of comforting: The more things change, the more they stay the same.

That doesn't mean you're happy to be out in the freezing cold at the dead of night, though, especially given that your disguise isn't particularly warm. Maybe you need to spend a little scratch to upgrade it? Like a thicker coat, or gloves with actual insulation, or a mask that doesn't dig into your face quite so much? As you glide from the top of one building to another, you idly scratch the back of your neck. That's a problem for later. After all, it'll be a few weeks until your new-and-improved paychecks start rolling in.

"...So, how about this weather, huh?"

"...Huh?" You blink, before looking up towards Gliscor. Honestly, you were zoned out for the past fifteen minutes, and you completely forgot he was even there. The two of you have just been soaring along, going from roof to roof in complete silence. "Yeah, it's uh... It's definitely weather."

"Haha! Yeah... Yeah."

"...Yeah."

"...So..."

"Are we nearly there?"

"Coming up on it now."

"Good."

Thank Arceus. That was the most awkward bit of chit-chat you've had this week. You really need to hurry up and get around to training up your Rookidee. With any luck, he'll be a better conversationalist than this.

Sure enough, with one big jump and one last swoop, you touchdown upon the top of the towering office building, and proceed to quickly return Gliscor to his Pokeball before he can fumble his way through saying goodbye. With that, you stand up, and immediately lock eyes with the only other person up here. Judging by how they're dressed, there's no prizes for guessing who it is, but you may as well be thorough.

"Oscar Clayton, I presume?"

---

oscar clayton
Shred's Disguise

^{Continued from The Daybreak Shines on Route 108}
Rain lashes down upon the Sea Mauville. Waves as tall as buildings crash into the derelict platform. The great beast roars as it rises out from the deep, a sound so pure and primal that the world itself bows its head to acquiesce to its demands. Only a few minutes earlier, the skies were clear and the waters calm, but now? You're in the eye of the storm.

Kyogre is here, and it will not be denied.

"HOLY SHIT!" You shout above the howling wind, clinging to the railing for dear life. You can feel the facility beneath your feet groan under the strain of the storm. The whole thing feels like it could collapse at any moment. "NAVY!? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING?!"

Prying one hand free from the barrier, you reach towards your Pokeballs. You don't even know what Pokemon could possibly get you out of this situation, but there has to be something, right? Something, anything to get you out of this mess!

---

Navy