Raziel Beckett might have been oblivious to Chu-e's totally real romantic affections but he was sharp in other ways. The slow mental decline and subsequent depression of knowing you were (probably) turning into a statue could fuck a man right up. That plus the whole 'dying' thing had really put a damper on his mood. In fact, when Razz had texted the offer, Chu-e had been laying in bed and allowing himself to rot into the pillows. Cillian Quinn , being a trooper as well as a certified bad bitch, had agreed to look over a report for him today given his quickly fracturing mental state.

Chu-e almost didn't bother to read the message at all. It was only by chance he even read it.

=um hell yeah??=

Is what he sent back after reading it over a time or two, small smile coming on his face. Despite... a lot of things, Chu-e did genuinely like Razz and his company. Forcing himself up, a few plans were made. A quick shower and chance and he was off on the back of his Drampa, the dragon basically his flying service.

Chu-e arrived at the pool a little air sick and exhausted but pleased. Sinking down next to the other when he spotted him, Chu-e leaned over the water so he could see the cute little fry.

"Razzie, they're adorable!" While Chu-e liked cats more it didn't mean he didn't enjoy the babies of other creatures. Razz might notice since he was closer that Chu-e looked pretty tired compared to his usual self, deep bags under his eyes.

"Razzie is cute! And you need more cute things in your life. You're too serious." But Chu-e said it with fondness in his tone. He can't help but laugh softly at the eagerness of the baby fish, amused as Salem saves him from sudden death. Given how delicate he is, though, even the Tackle might do more than bruise. Especially with his recent stint in the hospital.

At the question, Chu-e opens his mouth to answer, to brush it off as him just being tired or something easy. Raziel Beckett has enough on his plate that Chu-e doesn't want to worry him, to feel like he's burdening the other with his own problems. But that seems to stick on his tongue, the lie of 'I'm fine.' with a basic excuse and change of subject simply not coming out.

"No." Is what comes out instead. It doesn't feel like pulling teeth or much of anything, just a kind of befuddlement at his own answer. Chu-e doesn't pick up that anything could be coaxing this out of him; figures that this is just him being too honest and easy to confuse since he's been so tired.

But, since it's out in the open, Chu-e figures he may as well continue. Glancing at his hands, he worries with the fabric of his pants as he thinks over how to follow that.

"I've not been sleeping well. Lots of nightmares. My health is also getting worse. I'm just not dealing with it very well." And that was a little more raw than intended but the truth.

"Salem is very cute. But you still need more cute things... like this." Fishing in his pocket, Chu-e pulls out a pokeball. It's expanded, opened, a small puff of purple fluff released. The huge eyes of an Espurr look up at Raziel Beckett before it toddles and flops down, looking into the water. Soft paws pat at the surface, at the baby fish gathered there. He had adopted a Meowstic from the shelter and she ended up being pregnant when he took her in. "His name is Qiqi. Want to pet him?"

Mostly he uses the Espurr as a momentary distraction, to gather up his words and thoughts before he answered the heavier questions Razz had asked. His own hand finds the water, dips under the surface to allow the guppy to nibble at his fingertips if it wanted. How could Chu-e even breath the topic? It was complicated.

"You're too nice to me, Razzie. After all the shit I did in Kanto." He smiles and it's only a little watery. "I'm dying, you know? I don't have that much time left... sometimes I wonder if I deserve it, for all the shit I did." Taking his hand back, Chu-e gently rubs his fingers through Qiqi's fur.

"You're a good person, Razz. I wish more people were like you."

And everything he said, those flames would shout 'truth'.

"I think that's different, though." For all Raziel Beckett's spiraling, Chu-e now seems mostly calm if a bit tired. Resigned. "You were born into Rocket, right? You never had a choice. I did, so...." He shrugged that off, pulled Qiqi into his lap and started to scratch the kitten's chin. He really enjoyed cuddles, as evidenced by him leaning into the touch when Razz had offered it earlier.

"I mean, you're a lot younger than me, so I kind of assume that, anyway.... but you're a good person in my eyes. You had so much shit happen to you and you still try so hard for others despite everything. If that's not being a good person, what is?" Looking back up, Chu-e offered a weak smile to the other.

"I'm glad you got out. I wish I had been smarter when I was younger to be like you. I'll never be able to be a good person because of what they did to me." What would the fire show? If Chu-e believed it more than anything? His own truth that stayed buried in his chest, aching and raw. He had his own goals, his own desires; he wanted the League to be ripped apart and the bad parts exposed so they couldn't poison anyone like he had been poisoned when he was a kid. Yet, in some way, despite the fire in his chest that burned hot with rage somewhere along the line Chu-e had given up on crucial pieces of himself. Had given up on ideas like redemption.

"But I know after I'm gone, as long as people like you are still around, things will be okay for the world."

Chu-e is quiet as he tries to take in what Raziel Beckett was saying.

Could he be better? Could he really? With everything that he had done, everything he would have to do?

"I really hate the League." Is what he finally answers with, quiet, as he watches the tired baby fish be returned to their balls. "Not for the people in it, but for all the corruption. People using it's good name for their own selfish desires. To hurt people. I don't think I can be a good person until the wolves who slipped in the ranks are outed."

He sighs, slowly stands up, joints creaking and tight. Chu-e was so tired.

"At the end of the day, I know what I want. I want to make sure that no one is ever hurt like me or you were ever again. It's impossible but... is that such a bad thing to want?" It wasn't really a question for Razz to answer, just to think about. Chu-e wondered, too, if it was really something to focus on but....

What else could he live for if not for that?