"What? No." Arceus, I wish.

You're not quite sure how you're supposed to respond to that. You honestly kind of stunlocked. You put the chit-chat on pause for a moment as you fish the Tera Orb out of your pocket. As glowing energy begins to swirl around, you idly ponder what an appropriate response should be. A scientist who poured chemicals into her husband's cereal? Well, what kind of chemicals? Like, if it was acid, that would be pretty bad, but what about liquid nitrogen? Wouldn't that just freeze the cereal and turn it into a kind of ice cream? That doesn't sound so terrible. After a moment of deliberation, a high-pitched sound begins to ring out from the Tera Orb, and as you throw it forward, you finally settle on your reply.

"I haven't had that happen to me, but one of my exes put coke on Kalosian toast once. That was pretty weird, but I don't think she was a scientist, so those things are probably unrelated. Funny, though."

Perfect.

Meanwhile, the Orb makes contact with Meltan, and his entire body is covered in a crystalline sheen as a gigantic fist-shaped crown sprouts atop his head. Bolstered by the power of Tera Fighting, he launches a powerful Tera Blast, which proceeds to soar high into the air, weave through the Mystical Fires, and hit the Hatterene head-on.

Or, well, "hit". As the attack harmlessly go through the now-ghost. Meltan, meanwhile, takes the full brunt of the fires, though fortunately, losing his Steel typing does mean that he's not hurt as badly as he could be. Though right now? That might be the least of your worries.

"...Meltan, what was that?"

"mr shred (°ロ°) why didn't my attack work??"

"You used a Fighting type move. Her Hatterene Terastalized into a Ghost type."

"... (￣ω￣;)"

"Uh oh... Okay, so you know how your Electric moves don't work on Ground types? It's like that. Fighting moves don't work on Ghost types."

"wait (＠_＠) electric moves don't work on ground types?"

"Oh, brother... Look, I'll explain this later, alright? For now, just don't use any Normal or Fighting moves, alright?"

"okay (ง￣︿￣)ง got it!"

You don't believe he's got it for even a single second, but you've already interrupted the battle for long enough. After all, Desiree has been standing there this whole time, watching this farce of a conversation take place. She just heard you have a whole discussion where half of it was, essentially, "meltan (°ロ°) meltan meltan??". Clearing your throat, you sheepishly rub the back as your neck as you do you very best to avoid eye contact.

"Ahem. Sorry about that."

---

Gimmick, TERA; +15 on Even Rolls.
q2HYlyEX
Meltan loses. 2/3 HP remaining.
DESIREE BLOOMS

...Hm. You're drawing a blank here. Who is this chick, and why does she seem so familiar?

At first glance, nothing comes to mind. Then you comb through your memory a little more thoroughly, and still, nothing. Then, you REALLY mull it over. Her accent is definitely Kalosian, and you only know so many Kalosian people, so you should be able to narrow it down. Think, think... Is she somebody you knew from your brief stint in Kalos? Nah, couldn't be, she looks too young for that. Besides, you only had one boyfriend in Kalos, and Gilles is too busy serving twenty-five to life to be here in Hoenn... Which is for the best, you think. But then, if she isn't from back then, who the hell is she?

And then, the coin drops. Specifically, a Gimmighoul coin. Oh, she was there for the Murder Roulette, huh? Which means she was under Route 119 that day. Interesting. Interesting! There's a thought brewing in your head right now, but it'll take a bit for it to finish. That gives you plenty of time for a quick tournament battle.

"...There's a lot to unpack there." You muse. Unfortunately, somebody other than you is going to have to unpack it, because you're here to get into Pokemon fights, not argument fights... Okay, well, you'll unpack ONE thing. "Look, Howard's not my boyfriend, alright? I've kind of got a 'will-they won't-they' thing going with a hot scientist lady? And for better or for worse, Howard doesn't really factor into that. Sorry."

With that misunderstanding "cleared up", Meltan hops down from you shoulder, as he has many times before. The Hex Nut saunters forth, taking its position on the battlefield opposite of the mean-looking Hatterene. Then, he proceeds to completely miss all the extremely obviously threats she's making, and simply offers up a little wave.

"hello big wizard lady (・ω・)ﾉ my name is meltan! lets have a good fun fight today \(^ヮ^)/ okay?"

---

Gimmick, TERA; +15 on Even Rolls.
DESIREE BLOOMS

Ready... Aim...

"FIRE!"

BANG! On your command, Armarouge unleashes a blistering Armor Cannon. The burning bullet tears through the air, speeding towards the Hoopa as it's distracted with its indiscriminate flurry of attacks, aiming to cripple it before it can cause further damage. Alas, it can't be that easy, can it? Though her aim is about right, the flames are swallowed by the raging blizzard before it can make impact.

"No good, sire! The winds are too fierce and the cold too biting."

"Fuck's sake..." You murmur under your breath, pinching the bridge of your nose. With the way things are right now, you've got no shot of landing a hit. Armarouge is strong, sure, but her firepower just isn't enough to break through the blizzard. "Just charge up another shot, alright? In the meantime, I'll figure something out."

"Of course, sire!"

As her cannon begins to glow once more, you begin to rack your brains. What the fuck are you supposed to do here...?

---

TL;DR - Armarouge's Armor Cannon fails to connect. Armarouge begins preparing another one while Shred goes into the think tank.
wO0zV7LK(SPECTRA REROLL)

Chester C. Coins: Voiced by Chris Pratt.

You grit your teeth. The situation in front of you seems hopeless: The Kubfu's assault is relentless, a neverending series of brutal blows that show no signs of slowing down. Poor Meltan just can't keep up, and after eating four powerful attacks in a row, its clear that he's on the ropes. All it'll take is one more good clean hit, and it's curtains for him.

But you're not throwing in the towel just yet. No, things may look dire, but you've got an ace up your sleeve. As the Kubfu readies its finishing blow, you pull the Tera Orb out of your pocket, allowing terastal energy to gather within it for only a moment, before throwing it as hard as you can.

"MELTAN! HIT HIM WITH ALL YOU'VE GOT!"

As the orb touches Meltan, all of the gathered energy is released at once, and the Hex Nut shines red as a crystalline pattern spreads across his body. Now empowered with the might of Tera Fighting, your partner finds his much needed second wind, and as he stares down the incoming Iron Head, his eye shines with determination. In the split second before the Iron Head can hit, Meltan releases a devastating Tera Blast.

"ジェイ絵ジェ (MELTAN KICK)"

---

Gimmick, TERA; +15 on Even Rolls.
Wwj7kJzZ
Meltan WINS. 1/3 HP remaining.
Ashley Shepard

...Hm. You're fighting a blind child. Are you allowed to make jokes about this? On one hand, you've got a few pretty funny wisecracks brewing in the think tank, but on the other, you don't want to be ableist. Well, not that it really matters, does it? After all, this fight isn't between you and him, but your Meltan and his Beeheeyem.

"Okay, bud, it's showtime. Word of advice? This one is a psychic, so just... Uh... Well, I don't really know how you're supposed to counter that on such short notice, but I'm sure you'll figure something out. You ready?"

"ready freddy (￣^￣)ゞ" Meltan gives a tiny salute before it hops off your shoulder, waddling into position and preparing to battle the extraterrestial enemy. "hello mr alien (￣▽￣)ノ welcome to earth! let's have a very good fight ok?"

---

Gimmick, TERA; +15 on Even Rolls.
Hideo Kino

The good news is, you won that first confrontation. The bad news is... Huh. You don't think there is any bad news, actually. Things are going remarkably well for you so far, but judging by Ollie's unfazed reaction, it's clear he's got more than a few tricks up his sleeve. This fight is nowhere close to over.

The Pikachu counterattacks with a Discharge of electricity, but he's clearly still dizzy from all the spinning. His aim is off, and that gives Meltan the opportunity to close the distance without being hit. Despite his lack of legs, he moves surprisingly quickly, and before long, the Hex Nut is upon the electric mouse. With a mighty (by Meltan standards) leap, the Steel-type launches itself forth, aiming a Headbutt to catch Tofu head-on!

"─=≡Σ((( つ＞＜)つ meltan bullet!"

---

Gimmick, TERA; +15 on Even Rolls.
jYvEnVzG
Meltan WINS. 3/3 HP Remaining.
ollie morales

"hello mr dinosaur (°▽°)/ are you mr howard's partner?" Meltan inquires, offering a friendly greeting to Serizawa. "you seem very strong (☆◡☆) i want to be the strongest meltan so lets have a strong fight together!"

What the FUCK is wrong with that Larvitar? Why does it sound like that? Is it rabid or something? You shoot Howard a look, but the moment you take your eyes off the thing, it immediately jumps forth to maul your beloved partner!

"Shit! Meltan, MOVE!"

"huh?"

And Meltan does move, in a way. He turns away from Serizawa and towards you, his head tilted slightly in confusion. Thus, he's completely defenseless as the Larvitar lunges forth, claws at the ready, and you can only stand there and watch as--

THUNK!

--The Larvitar miraculously threads the needle, its hand passing through Meltan's hexagonal head entirely. No, instead, his shoulder ends up smacking the golden nut, crashing right into the six edges and six corners at full force. You can't imagine how that feels, but you assume it's like hitting your leg on a coffee table six times over all at once. Hm... Ouch.

---

Gimmick, TERA; +15 on Even Rolls.
Bu4Yooio
Meltan WINS. 3/3 HP remaining.
howard slayte

Meltan barely even has time to reinforce himself before the Kubfu rushes forth to deliver another series of blows. Sure, the blob might be more durable, but it ultimately means nothing in the face of a faster, stronger opponent. If he's going to have any chance of winning, he's going to have to slow down the Kubfu before things can spiral much further out of control.

"Meltan! Paralyse him!"

"ok!" The Hex Nut declares, allowing static electricity to build up in his body as the bear rushes forth. "(/・・)ノくくく meltan stu--"

But before he can release his Thunder Wave, the trio of Aerial Aces connect, and once again, Meltan is sent tumbling backwards.

Uh oh.

---

Gimmick, TERA; +15 on Even Rolls.
URJZeWz2
Meltan LOSES again. 1/3 HP remaining.
Ashley Shepard

"...Uh, yeah. You too?"

Huh. Weird guy. He seems like a nice enough fellow, though, so you suppose this is probably the best case scenario. The last thing you want right now is to be matched against some tryhard weirdo. Unfortunately, his Pikachu doesn't seem quite so courteous.

"hup!"

But despite Tofu's aggression, Meltan is quick to counter. He grabs the Iron Tail, absorbing the impact into his melting metal body with minimal impact, before combining that momentum with a Tail Whip to spin the Pikachu around. The electric rodent performs a good five or six high-speed rotations before his tail finally slips out of Meltan's grip, sending him flying across the arena.

"oh uh (⊙_⊙) um um um meltan throw!!!"

---

Gimmick, TERA; +15 on Even Rolls.
q3yKMNDy
Meltan WINS. 3/3 HP Remaining.
ollie morales

Oh, it's Howard.

You blink. Howard is participating in this tournament? Huh, weird. You didn't think he would, seeing as how regularly he professes to being bad at Pokemon Battling. He just doesn't seem like a very "Vital City" type of guy. Then again, maybe he's just trying to get some practice in, like you and Meltan are? If there were ever a time to try, then a big low-stakes tournament like this one would certainly be it. Whatever the case may be, you're up against a friend, so you can take this round extra easy.

"Stranger?" You blink again. Why is he acting like he doesn't know you all of a sudden? "Howard, are you high? We've literally been working together for more than a year, what the fuck are you talking about?"

Out of the corner of your eye, you see a producer's face drop as you both mention drugs AND swear on live daytime TV. Uh oh. Well, you hope the boys in the truck managed to censor that in time, or you might be paying a nasty fine after this...

"oh (°ｏ°) hello mr howard!" Meltan waddles forth, vigorously waving a little hand towards the archaeologist as he takes his place on the battlefield. "lets have a good clean fight (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ and have lots of fun!!!"

---

Gimmick, TERA; +15 on Even Rolls.
howard slayte

No. Your Beedrill didn't just talk. Your ability to hear the voices of your Pokemon is all just a cruel yet elaborate and occasionally infectious hallucination. If Andrea is also hearing it, then her delusions are unaffiliated with your own, and if she tries to claim they're similar, then your mental illness is going to cease and desist her brain damage.

Legal issues aside, you quickly recall your rather loud Beedrill back into his Pokeball and make a run for the strange alien van, pulling it open and throwing yourself into the back. Then, as soon as Andrea makes it inside, you close the door behind you as quietly as you can.

Then, you take a moment to wonder how the hell this situation managed to get even worse.

This is a mess. It's a disaster! It's like Route 119 all over again, but more dire in every appreciable way! Well, not every appreciable way, you suppose. None of these Megalopolans have that fucked-up chain, which is at least the silver lining to this cloud. A very, very slim silver lining. Barely perceptible. Almost invisible. But, it does exist.

...Are the aliens gone yet?

---

Andrea Vaneau

"Yeah, well, the League can get bent."

There's a shift in your tone, a change in your expression. Your joy recedes, and an uncommon seriousness comes forth to replace it. Fuck it, right? Why should you bother trying to keep the mood up if nobody else is happy? You've just stepped forward into the next era of your lives, and Howard is too busy walking on eggshells to enjoy it. Meanwhile, Grigori is all too content to be a social dead end, completely unwilling to show anything but the bare minimum of emotion. If they want to act seriously, then fine, you'll act serious.

"Why am I supposed to act like the League is our enemy of all a sudden? The League has always been my enemy. Them and their committees, and their subcommittees, and their review boards and their directors and their councils and their conferences, they can all go fuck themselves. Actually think about it, Howard - If the League actually wanted to catch us, they would, wouldn't they? If they wanted to destroy Team Rocket, they could! They'd could rouse an army and march on Sootopolis, or they'd launch an attack on the submarine, or assassinate Declan Walsh and let power struggle do the rest!"

You grip tightens, and the cigarettes breaks apart and crumbles to ash between your fingers.

"But we are here, aren't we? Because the League won't. They don't want to destroy us. They want to beat us down and chain us up and make us fit in. They want us to defect to them and admit our way of living is wrong, and theirs is right. They want us to be cogs in their machine, and for what? So we can do what we're already doing with twice the hours and half the pay? All so we can make the rich and power even more rich and even more powerful?!"

You pause. Take a step back. Take a deep breath. Then, you takes off your sunglasses and look Howard in the eye with raw, bitter conviction.

"I won't let them put a leash on me, Howard, and I won't let them scare me into hiding from the world, either. I was born to live wild, and pure, and free, and I won't let them stop me."

---

howard slayte Grigori Sokolov