J, J.Ro
He/Him
25
November 13
Mavuille
Bisexual
Layabout/Biker
Civilian
i used to dream in the dark of palisades park.
Round Robin
POSTED ON May 1, 2023 1:53:00 GMT
[nospaces] [attr="class","fakebq"] [attr=class","body"] [attr="class","text"] You looked at it; there was that weight in your pocket that you took out; and placed to your head. The feeling of cool steel, it was an almost comforting feeling that you had considered many a time; in the depth of night, when your thoughts burned at you the most, when you couldn’t get that rock-like feeling from your stomach, when you couldn’t bare to get out of bed. [break][break] Then you started that life, a life sought and lived for the simple and unpleasant sake of fighting against the world itself. You hated it, you hated them, you hated everyone. That hate had given you a new target to aim those feelings at, you tore at the world. [break][break] You put your finger on the trigger. [break][break] The words that flowed from your mouth were natural, smooth, comfortable, it was with the ease of a man who had been in this position many times before. ”Because I already killed myself.” It was a strange statement, but it was true. There was no free pass, but you also knew that wasn’t the whole truth. [break][break] The thing you’d killed was your own heart, and the person who held it. That was where it came from, and in a sense, there wasn’t a night that you hadn’t wished it were you standing in that place instead. The price paid to leave that life was the very thing that you wished to leave it for. [break][break] The cruel irony of that was not lost on you, not for a second. [break][break] ”I paid my dues, my current path is simply the interest that piled up.” That was your answer, whether it was right or wrong, whether it was the moral thing, the just thing to do. [break][break] You couldn’t say, but you had never cared for such things either way. You merely lived the life that you wished to live. And so you returned the smirk; no, the grin, it was a lopsided thing, not one from the heart, it didn’t reach your eyes, didn’t even come close. [break][break] ”So, that’s my pass. It’s the right of the one holding the gun.” You said as you flipped it in your hold and then balanced it on your finger; no longer threatening your own present existence with cold steel. [break][break] ”And the responsibility to the part of me I killed, and the person who held it.” It was something only you could understand, words that you yourself knew were melodramatic. [break][break] But it was your truth.
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