Howard would rather overdose on a Shiinotic's spores than fight his smoking buddy.

Admittedly that was because he didn't want to lose his supplier of legal substances. Shred Zeppelin was a good secondary supplier, but Howard was pretty sure that he simply beat up teenagers, stole their weed, and ran off into their night. Such lofty goals were that of Rocket Beast Shred Zeppelin.

"I didn't bring him! He ate my copy of Brycen-Man Six: Lost in Castelia!" Howard wailed at Desiree. The longer this tournament went on, the more he spiraled. His nerves were frayed at this point. At least he was fighting Desiree. He liked Desiree. It was hard to hate anyone you smoked a strange foreign herb from another dimension with.

Herba Mystica really did hit different.

"No Murder Roulettes today, I promise. It was pretty cool though, yeah?" Howard beamed at her. His emotions were like the Thundurus storm raging through Lilycove. He jumped from one emotion to the next, a whirlwind of emotions as Howard was forced to remember the events on Route 119. "Congrats on the Minor League Gym, by the way. Maybe I'll swing by for a visit with Serizawa."

The Larvitar let out a puny roar as it stared down Gloss.

"Want to take a smoke break after this?"

---

DESIREE BLOOMS
3/3 (NO MECHANIC)

"Good, good. I think you and I would've caused a couple Megalopolans to overdose if they ate us, so we would've gotten back at them."

It's said casually, but the experience in Route 119 was one Howard wasn't willing to experience again. It wasn't his worse academic excursion for a paper, but it had changed a lot of people. The Toxic Chain had corrupted many, and it spread quickly. Howard didn't want it to become a major pandemic.

He shelved the thoughts away. This was a tournament. No need to ruin it with dark thoughts. Desiree was the better battler, running a Minor League Gym must've sharpened her skills. In a Pokémon battle, her experience and abilities would give her the advantage. Howard, meanwhile, had a Larvitar that had punched through a concrete wall because Howard wouldn't buy him ice cream.

Hopefully that made up for Gloss's rage and Desiree's genuine talent.

If anything, they could share a pen or three. The stakes weren't particularly high.

"Hell yeah." Howard smirked at the mushrooms. He had done a few in college, but he was surprised that the League was letting that go. War changed priorities, he supposed. He'd need to get a sample to try to sell. "Good luck! Serizawa, us-"

"LARVITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!" Serizawa lunged face first into the spicy pepper, as if ready to devour it whole by thrashing it. Howard sighed and rubbed his temples. "He... doesn't listen to me. I'm so sorry. This is embarrassing."

---

DESIREE BLOOMS
3/3 (no mechanic) + 10, 50
2EyG7xuV

"I wouldn't call him quirky, more so completely out of his mind. I've never been good at training Pokémon. He used to be so sweet..." Howard sighed and deflated. "Training Pokémon is hard. I don't know how you do it."

Desiree had a Toxic Chian. The archaeologist had forgotten about that. During the incident, he and Desiree had been separated. They had only chatted over a very stress-reducing smoke break. Hell, they had only spoken after the incident.

Dangerous events had a way of bringing people together and unifying them against a common foe. That was Hoenn's greatest boon; its created bonds between those who would've never met. Those bonds did not need to be magenta, either.

"Huh?" Howard cocked his head, roused from his stupor. "Boyfriend? I can have one. I'm not engaged anymore."

His engagement. Oh, those were the days. He buried that memory too. Instead, he focused on what Desiree said. Blonde guy? Who? Grigori wasn't blond? Wait, did she mean Shred Zeppelin ?

"Guh...!" Howard's face turned red as Serizawa met the Dazzling Gleam with a yowl. After a struggle that sent Serizawa flying backwards, the Larvitar responded with a Stone Edge that sent jagged rocks erupting from the ground towards Gloss.

"He is not my boyfriend! He's an old man! He's..." Howard took a deep breath, though his face was still red. "He saved my life. He's a friend. I don't care how good he looks in sunglasses!"

---

DESIREE BLOOMS
3/3 (no mechanic)
Kp1455Jm

"Desiree, " Howard frowned at her. "What's a ship?"

Whenever he stashed Serizawa's treats in the apartment, the Larvitar would often rampage about in search for deep fried Lechonk rinds, which often resulted in severe damage. Howard had already lost three funeral urns to Serizawa's rampaging. For Desiree, paying off the landlord wasn't a big issue. To Howard, losing pieces of history was far more important.

How many funeral urns had to suffer for Serizawa's warmongering? This needed to end.

"Shred is a worthless wastrel! All he does is eat my food and smoke my weed! Hell, he doesn't even pay me back half the time!" Howard continued to sputter and protest as the Psycho Cut sent Serizawa blasting into the sky. Soon, he'd come spiraling down like a poor imitation of Meteno.

"He doesn't even shower! He smells like shit!" Howard continued, before composing himself. "You're fine. You're fine. I'm used to it. My fiancé used to tease me about it way back when."

Stupid memories. Go away. A bright flash of light appeared in the sky as Serizawa tumbled down, letting loose a Hyper Beam that attempted to scorch the arena.

"The life of a pop idol isn't easy. I don't suppose you can tell people 'no, we're not a thing' and they'll believe you?" After a moment of thinking, Howard sighed and shook his head. "Probably not."

---

DESIREE BLOOMS
3/3
1NadZwTV

"I see..." Howard frowned and cocked his head again. "What's a headcanon?"

This man was hopeless. He spoke dozens upon dozens of languages, but he didn't speak internet slang. He had figured out texting relatively easily, and learning 'lol', 'lmao', and 'kys' had come relatively easily. He used all of those in texts with Beasts Zeppelin and Quinn. Yet shipping and headcanons weren't anything Howard was familiar with.

Couldn't people just say they wanted two people to be together? Dozens of languages, and it still made no sense!

"There's a Thundurus flying around Lilycove, the weather makes no sense, and gas prices are through the roof." Howard nodded in agreement. "Hoenn is fucked. I've heard Sinnoh is nice this time of year. Maybe I'll move there."

Serizawa didn't know what a 'Tera Type' was. Gloss becoming Ghost-type, then, baffled the Larvitar. He could barely think 'why no crispy critter' before getting blasted with Shadow Ball. Serizawa readied his small hands, as if preparing to Thrash his way through the Shadow Ball.

"SERIZAWA, NO!" Howard shouted, stunned at the audacity and idiocy of his Pokémon.

---

DESIREE BLOOMS
2/3 (no mechanic)
EA5Lt_Ma

"Oh, I see." Understanding dawned in Howard's eye. "So they're like academics who don't cite their sources!"

Even on the battlefield, he was thinking about papers. It was a wonder how he got himself dressed every day without checking the labels on his clothing. He'd probably read the ingredients list on a can of soup or one of Desiree's numerous illegal substances for entertainment.

What a stick in the mud.

"Startik would never do that! He's a cartoon character!" Howard looked appalled that someone would even dare try to 'ship' Pyukubob and Startik. It was like someone was taking his childhood and throwing it through a trash compacter. "Right?"

He looked at Desiree as if someone was about to tell him that Father Winter wasn't real.

"I can't move, don't worry. Work will kill me." Literally. "Someone will save us. The Elite Four and the Top Champion are the best of the best, right? They'll throw hands with Thundurus and win without breaking a sweat."

Howard mimed punches as Serizawa took a deep breath, before lunging forward in a final attempt to bite Gloss's hair off with a Crunch.

---

DESIREE BLOOMS
1/3 (no mechanic)
moAn2DiD

"We will triumph." His eye brims with passion as he stares at Desiree. Yet the emotion there is far more complex than a simple hope for a brighter morning. It's the hope that someone, somewhere will be able to pick up the sword that would save Hoenn.

No, it was the gaze of someone who knew that victory was already won. Hoenn would win, because it had won before. It was faith in the repetition of history. Faith in the people that would make it.

He did not hope for a potential vanquish. He knew it would happen. That was Howard's perception on the future; events that had yet to come that would resolve as they had before. History's great tapestry would not burn down here.

"I won? Seriously?" Howard's eye cleared as Gloss retreated, hairdo in shambles. Hopefully nobody took photos of Gloss for the next few weeks, otherwise she'd be the laughingstock of Tweeter. "I didn't expect that. Serizawa... you did it?" Howard looked down at the gremlin, who proceeded to deck Howard in the kneecaps.

Eyes watering, Howard nodded to Desiree.

"Sounds like a plan. It's just like when you're walking to your next lecture and you see a bunch of people smoking in front of a dorm, yeah?" Howard nodded in agreement. Fame had its perks, after all. He was glad that Desiree hadn't gone completely mad from the fame.

He hoped, anyway.

"Lead the way! If your plan falls through..." He flashed a smile. "I know this dive bar that owes me a favor. Pass me a pen."

---

DESIREE BLOOMS
1/3 (WIN)